Is there anyone who hasn't found having children that bad?

[Addictedtocinammonrolls]

I'm 32, all I hear is how people regret it, how hard it is, they haven't slept well in years, their looks and figure are ruined, finances and relationships ruined and so on .
I am really on the fence about it. If I were to have any I'd only ever have one I think.. I like my current life, I just really don't know. I'm not expecting it to be a piece of cake but so many people seem to regret it.

I honestly think the last time I had a full uninterrupted night’s sleep was almost two years ago. My figure is a little bit ruined. Nursery costs more than our mortgage. All of that is true.

But its also true that I have the most fun with my daughter. Yes she did have a tantrum this morning because I didn’t let her take all the oatcakes from the tub at one time. And yes she had another one when I wouldn’t let her eat something she picked up from the grass in the park. But I also got lots of hugs and smiles and giggles and laughs.

Is parenthood easy? Nope. Is it also wonderful? Yes (in my experience at least)!

OP do you have a partner to share parenting with? They should share nights so that you can get sleep, surely?

Having kids is the absolute best thing in my life and I don't understand why people who don't love it keep having more...

As an adult I didn't love 'adult' things, like clubbing, drinking, going to fancy restaurants. All that was boring so I'm not really missing anything (other than sleep) being a parent. I have a 4 year old and a newborn.

I adore reliving all the awesome kid stuff: theme parks, tv shows, pretend play, all the Disney movies, pillow forts, running around in the soft play, the magic of Christmas, etc. And my older kid is a delight, though of course there are difficult days. The sleep deprivation only lasts about a year or 2 if you're lucky (though longer if you had more than 1 close together). The tantrums are hard, and everything is always a mess, but I just adore my kids so much I wouldn't have it any other way.

If you're not prepared to put yourself second for the next 18 years or you'd really struggle with it, I'd say don't do it as it's not fair on the kids.

I’m exhausted and poor but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I would have another baby if DH agreed….

Are you on hormonal contraception? You sound a bit rational, so I'm guessing you might be?

I felt a biological urgency to get pregnant and I'm glad I had a baby. It's an adjustment but I'm happy I did it.

Forget about sleep newborns feed every hour esp during the night at least for the first 4 months (both my 2 children). Most men don't help with night feeds well mine never woke up. Breastfeeding is very very painful for the first week. But babies are cute and I love my kids. Am always tired though. Toddler age ..... I don't even know where to start. If you have doubts don't have kids ... motherhood is HARD!!!!

I love being a mum, but I do have an only child and think that might be the key to loving it.

I think all I do is moan to my colleagues about my kids. I do find it hard and I'm very tired.
But I think it will get easier?

Dunno. Its tough!

I don't regret it all, she's 6 and my favourite person in the world, awesome kid! always been easy, sleeps well, eats great, is funny, sweet, smart. I'm very lucky,
I didn't have a figure to begin with, or a career, my job is great thankfully and allows flexibility.

I’ve enjoyed it overall so far but my oldest is only 8. I also have 5 & 1 year olds. I’m 33.

We have 3 very easy kids overall - oldest is still a rubbish sleeper, was really bad for first couple of years, and all 3 of them have had their foibles, as do we all. Middle didn’t sleep for 2 whole winters due to irritated airways. Youngest has/had hip dysplasia.

But it’s so fun and I REALLY wanted them. They bring so much joy every single day, even on the shit days there is amazing high highs.

But it’s still hard, even with easy ones. Id say you need to actively WANT kids.

Got to go now as the baby is crying - has a cold, like me. Eldest still up as ‘can’t sleep’… :)

Yes it’s obviously true that it’s hard work and very expensive but there is no greater love in life than the love you have for your child/ren. I have many regrets in life but I have never ever thought my children as one of them - wow. I would also suggest taking everything you read online with a huge pinch of salt. How many brag posts do you ever see on here from people celebrating success in life? Not that many right? It’s because no one wants to be that person. How interesting would it be for me to come on every day to say I love my kids? It would just be too much. But I do, love them every minute of every hour of every day. Do you have a partner or parents Op? Other close family? Do they sometimes drive you bonkers? Do you still love them more than words can say? There you go.

Thank you. I'll read into sleep training. I have a partner so hopefully we could share, I've been offered support from parents too which I'm very lucky for I know.

I have 1 and went back to work 4 days when she was 10 months old, using nursery for childcare (and now school). I feel like we had a rough first month or so but ditched attempting to breastfeed and after that it was honestly not that hard. Sleep trained at 8 months so that I wasn’t having to deal with night wakings once I was back at work. Had a lovely time on maternity leave but I enjoy my job and really wanted to return to it. We don’t have much family support at all but my job is very autonomous and flexible and I have a fair split of child stuff, home stuff and mental load with DH.

Life is busy and there are lots of plates to keep spinning but sometimes I think my friend’s horse sounds like far more bother than my child.

A lot is luck (healthy child and easy temperament) but there are also things you can do to make life easier for yourself. You don’t have to martyr yourself to breastfeeding or cosleeping for years or cloth nappies or weaning with all organic homemade food or potty training early using a strict method. You can use childcare, as much as you have the money to pay for. You can make sure you’re only getting into this with a man who is going to pull his weight.

Can’t comment on the figure part, I was fat before and that had far more of a negative impact on my body than pregnancy.

Also my child is 5, I may not be so smug once she’s a teenager.

It depends.

On what type of child you get - some are easier to look after than others. Some sleep some don't. Some have a lot of needs some don't. Some are easy going some aren't. Etc.

On the birth you get.

On the partner you have.

On your general mindset.

On the type of body you have - some snap back some don't.

On how much you feel you've achieved and experienced what you wanted to before having a child.

On how much help you can afford and how much having children will affect you financially in general.

Some of this you can influence but much of it is pot luck.

You have to be willing to lay down and submit yourself to luck.

You have to accept that to get the highs of pure love and wonder that children being you will also have to reach the depths of despair, at times.

You must accept that you will never be your number 1 again. And that can be amazing but it can also be a painful transition. You will metamorphosis into a new person.

I have one. I had her in my 40s. It’s been amazing. Much fun. There are tricky elements at the mo, entering her teens. Best thing I’ve ever done.

I haven’t found it hard at all. I’ve loved (almost) every minute. People don’t talk about enjoying it on here for fear of sounding smug.

Sleep train.

It isn’t a popular opinion on here but there’s really no need to be sleep deprived for years.

The first couple years were very hard and there was a lot of sleep deprivation which was hell. But the 14 years since then have been wonderful and I don't regret it for a moment.

But it will completely upend the life you have now! If you don't want your life to change and you're on the fence about having kids- then having kids might not be for you and that's fine.

I have 4. I adore them. No regrets even through the challenging times.

I’ve found being a mother to be a profound a deep joy.

i love them and being a mum not just more but differently to anything else in my life.

But yes it changes you and your life utterly. I was up for that and ready for it. I had my children later (after 35) and so I’d lived a full and exciting life before.

i don’t regret having little adult social life when they were young as I’d had all the fun before.

i had also been to therapy and worked through my issues and learned how to work through new stuff that came up.

people I know that have the hardest time as mothers / parents, even though with kids with additional needs, haven’t done that.

and what they are really struggling with is their own unresolved issues and difficulties.

children are mirrors. They will reflect yourself right back at you. Including all the dark and difficult parts it’s so easy to avoid as a carefree adult.

so best to delve into and work through all that stuff ahead of time.

also makes you a much better parent!

I love being a mum, It takes over your life though, so if you dont enjoy it, there is no escape.

To me, it has been the best thing ever.

I think we’ve had it fairly easy, our two have always been good sleepers (eight year old and a toddler), they are both so far fairly easy to parent and fairly easy going, so we are yet to have extreme boundary pushing etc. Obviously that could change very quickly and likely will once the teenage years hit us.

No matter how your child behaves etc somethings are hard/tiring for a lot of parents, when I get home from work I can’t just sit on my arse and relax, I’m effectively working until our children are in bed. If I’m unwell they still need parenting, if they’re unwell I’m cleaning up vomit or poo at 3am.

I really enjoy being a parent, I was really keen on becoming a parent and being in a family that included children, which I’m sure makes a bit of a difference.

I don't think what you read on here gives a true picture, people are more likely to post on here on threads asking whether people regret having kids, I'd say it's only a fairly small percentage of people regret it. I genuinely don't know anyone in real life who regrets it and my close friends and I can be open about this kind of thing with eachother.

Personally for me it's the best thing I've ever done. The hardest thing about being a parent for me is the worry, I think the love is so huge that worry can become all consuming at times, I struggled a lot with anxiety in my daughters first year of life but it's improved as she's gotten older.

I was never the most maternal person in the world but I love being a Mum. I have a lot of family support and I think this makes a huge difference too.

That may be so, but please remember that people on here mostly comment when they need a moan. It's human nature - you're not usually going to come online if you're loving life, because you'll be living in the moment. So you only generally hear about people's struggles, because that's what they're looking for advice about. Having children is hard, but a parent support forum isn't necessarily the full picture.

I guess if it were so terrible, nobody would have more than one!