Is there anyone who hasn't found having children that bad?

[Addictedtocinammonrolls]

I'm 32, all I hear is how people regret it, how hard it is, they haven't slept well in years, their looks and figure are ruined, finances and relationships ruined and so on .
I am really on the fence about it. If I were to have any I'd only ever have one I think.. I like my current life, I just really don't know. I'm not expecting it to be a piece of cake but so many people seem to regret it.

@SouthLondonMum22 I think it makes a huge difference - can't understand why more people don't sleep in shifts w partner if they can

I don’t find it particularly hard. I love it and am pregnant with our second whilst our first is only 18 months so at what many would say is a ‘full on’ stage.

What I will be entirely honest about though is what I believe makes all the difference and that is.. a hands on support network. Do you have that?

DP is hands on 50/50. Grandparents are very hands on and do childcare whilst we work as well as babysitting if we want to go out as a couple. We also each have 4 siblings on either side who are hands on aunties and uncles.

I still do every single thing I did pre baby just not as frequently. I’ve still had girls weekends away, couple nights, weekly hobbies etc.

When I was ill with sickness a few weeks ago my in-laws took my toddler everyday for several hours whilst I slept. My DP takes baby out swimming and shopping every Sunday morning since they were born without fail.

The parents I know that find it hard and struggle don’t have much support so get burnt out. If I didn’t have the support I did I have no doubt I’d find it difficult at times.

I think support makes a complete difference to the entire parenting experience if I’m honest.

You need to choose a better partner. Not all men are selfish arseholes!

Totally agree. Unfortunately, too many shit husbands who would refuse to share night feeds if baby is bottle fed.

I’m a single parent to a 1 and 3 year old. It’s not the position I planned to be in and I am completely exhausted but I’m also pretty happy overall.

There are awful days or weeks like the times where everyone has norovirus at the same time or the days where every request makes my toddler lie on the floor and scream but there are more really nice moments and the highs are very high. And it’s a cliche but motherhood has given me more of a sense of purpose - maybe it’s that it forces you to keep going and do your best and keep having new experiences (though I think it’s perfectly possible to have purpose without being a mother).

I think you need to go into it expecting your whole life to change and for your children to mostly come first for a few years.

But these threads and perhaps social media in general also attract competitive mothering of who’s sacrificed the most for their children - “my child has never cried in 5 years because I sit by them as they sleep ready to pick them up at the slightest whimper; I gave up work because I didn’t want someone else to raise my children and they’ve never tasted sugar or seen a tv screen - I can’t imagine how anyone who loves their children would be so selfish as to want to sleep or to leave them to go to work”. It makes it all sound completely stifling and you can be a perfectly good parent with a different parenting style.

Having our daughter is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I have so much fun being a mum! I loved my mat leave too and had the whole year and would be a SAHM if finances werent an issue. But it is really had work, she's a bad sleeper and has a few allergies so it's been hard work with weaning etc. That said, these issues are very specific to our DD so you might be lucky and have a baby who sleeps great and no allergies. I do really hate all the fear mongering you get from older people eg 'just wait until baby is here then you'll know what no sleep is like" its so negative, no-one ever talks about the positives. Still though if you're on the fence I wouldn't do it it is a lot of hard work! But in a good way!

I completely agree with this! I feel like having kids can be awful if you do everything "right/best", sacrifice your entire life/ambitions for kids and never give yourself a proper break. No one has such high expectations of Dads!

But you can definitely take a more relaxed approach and do things to give yourself an easier time. Those people probably enjoy parenthood more

So much good advice on here. I would try & “park” the idea / thoughts for a while especially if you’re not at that point of being certain. Enjoy your life now and maybe come back in a few years time & see how you feel. I have 2 DC, I certainly was never really maternal but always said I would have one. I never really thought of not having them but I think it’s much more common now.

This is very timely reading after visiting a friend with baby earlier. I’m 37 and still have no clue whether I want kids. I love the idea of a family of my own - I have a small extended family and very elderly parents. But I’m a worrier - there’s so much that can go wrong and it just sounds exhausting and relentless.

DH and I are financially very comfortable so would be able to have lots of help - cleaners, potentially a part time nanny or night nanny whilst I’m on mat leave. But I’m scared of the tiredness and it exacerbating my existing anxiety and depression

Personally it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. That doesn’t mean it’s not also hard and tiring. I think some people (based on MN) get into it because it’s a societal expectation and the reality is a complete shock and not what they had envisioned which is understandable.

You can never be fully prepared but a little bit of prep, and research can help especially with how you want to feed and parent and knowing when and how to ask for support.

There is a huge amount of misinformation around unfortunately which I’ve seen in a handful of comments so just got to say; waking at night is natural, normal, and developmental. It protects against things like SIDS. Cry it out has mostly been debunked and causes a lot of stress for the baby and is not recommended anymore. Babies are all different yada, yada, but if they are given a routine and are able to develop their circadian rhythm (work out night from day) through getting lots of daylight in the afternoon etc then they will gradually naturally sleep for longer and longer periods at night without a need for any sleep training. (of course there are always exceptions or baby might have additional needs)

Breastfeeding has lifelong benefits and the composition of the milk changes as the baby grows or if they are sick to meet their needs so I think it’s important to feel informed about it even if it might not be for you. I say that because it is a skill that has to be learned (can’t tell you how shocked I was that it doesn’t just happen 😂) and probably the only thing I would retrospectively have found useful about child rearing (so far) would be to have researched the ins and outs of bfing. Try and find a FB support group if you can. It is tough but rewarding if you feel like it is something you want to do.

I have a certain philosophy on this and here's my reasoning:

Most things that are fulfilling in life, i.e. most things that are really "worth doing" are hard work, to some extent. Whether that's academic attainment, parenting, career progress, mastery of a craft, sport, or artistic skill, etc.

Fulfillment is different from momentary joy or happiness. Running a marathon isn't necessarily a fun or easy experience and yet millions of people seem to find great fulfilment in doing it. Parenting even more so. Eating a bag of crisps is probably more fun than running a marathon but clearly the marathon is more fulfilling.

And that's why most of us, despite the difficulties, the moaning, the lack of free time, don't regret having kids, and in fact find it the best decision we've ever made.

I don't regret it for a moment (even though ex left me while pregnant!) baby is nearly 6m old and I adore him, maternity leave (after the first 10ish weeks when it was so hard) has been a dream of park walks in the sunshine and going for coffees with new friends from baby classes and nothing warms my heart like my little boy smiling at me! But I've wanted to be a mum since I was about three years old I love children and had a lot of fun and travels in my 20s, I also can afford my lifestyle (just about) and own a place of my own fortunately .

If you have a decent partner you can take turns, or you could be lucky like me and have a baby that sleeps through the night from three months!

I absolutely don't regret having children. My DC are hilarious and I adore them but yes, the hardest part is the lack of sleep but obviously improves as they get older.

I don't agree if you're on the fence that you shouldn't do it. You could come to regret that decision later in life when it's no longer an option for you to have them.

Sleep training = cry it out is also misinformation though.

I sleep trained but it doesn’t have to mean leaving baby to cry it out or even controlled crying. It has many methods.

I was like you. Had one dc later in life and so far it's brilliant (they're only 3 though). Not at all as bad as I had heard!

I think it helps that -

Breastfeeding came easily
Baby has been pretty good
I was comfortable with co-sleeping so got quite a lot of sleep
I quit work (and never really liked my job anyway) so not trying to juggle work and kids
Had dc later in life after getting travelling etc out of my system
Supportive dh who pulls his weight.

I love it. I have 2 aged 13 and 11. My older one has a range of developmental issues and autism and adhd and I would be lying if I said it has never been difficult. At times it has been heart breakingly and back breakingly difficult. But I have never for a second regretted having DCs. I was never a maternal type and i cried most of my way through my first pregnancy as I had so much regret. I dreaded having a baby. But it is the best thing ever. Having DCs has enriched my life in ways I cannot even measure.

I have 3 dc and they each have a genetic disability in varying presentations/severity.

I have had a blast- they are the light of my life and my greatest achievement.

Being a Mum made sense to me in a way work never did.

I had to give up a good career when dc2 needed ft care. I am poor and a SAHP.

I wouldn't change it for all the tea in China.

I have also managed to stay with (and in love with dh) for 20 years.

My dc have each got a killer sense of humour like my dh. They make me laugh (and sometimes cry) every day.

It's definitely not the worst part of parenting, if lack of sleep is the biggest issue for you then you would find it a breeze!

It is very hard but I don't regret it, and I was very much on the fence about having kids.

the thing is you wont read many easy parenting stuff on forums ( esp MN)

if you dare try to mention anything positive you’re basically Hounded by some posters because ‘not everyone had easy kids’ and its like your advice is not valuable because you haven’t suffered enough to have learnt it.

also its also very fashionable to complain about the hard parts, eg all the memes and reels on insta focus on the hard parts.

yes its very hard at times, but it can be so wonderful in many ways.

for example this morning, my daughters were playing and they were making each other laugh hysterically and honestly my heart could burst from how much i loved them in that moment. ( 20 mins later they were fighting over lego 🥴🤣)

Op - my kids sleep trained me in the end. It is easier for everyone if I can be woken up a few times a night and still wake up ready for the challenge of aa new day.

My career was filled with utter bollocks. I tried to make it mean something, but it didn't. Everyday with my kids I am making sure they are loved, fed, watered and educated and have some fun. It means something to them and me.

I haven’t found it hard at all and my youngest has a disability that warrants a blue badge since the age of 5.

Still with their dad, relationship is doing well.

The lack of sleep can be a pain but I haven’t ever been one for sleeping loads so wasn’t a problem.

My kids are my favourite people in the world. Having them meant I could stop the things I didn't enjoy, like going out in the evening and socialising. I enjoy feeding the ducks and pretending the red paving is lava. My life is better for having them. The thing that keeps me awake at night is that I created square pegs in a round hole world. They have struggled with school, friendships, surroundings etc. But that just means I want the world to change, not them.

There was a thread deleted because the OP wanted to openly talk about how amazing it is.