Is there anyone who hasn't found having children that bad?

[Addictedtocinammonrolls]

I'm 32, all I hear is how people regret it, how hard it is, they haven't slept well in years, their looks and figure are ruined, finances and relationships ruined and so on .
I am really on the fence about it. If I were to have any I'd only ever have one I think.. I like my current life, I just really don't know. I'm not expecting it to be a piece of cake but so many people seem to regret it.

If you're on the fence please don't do it.

I love my children and they are the best thing that ever happened to me but it IS a lot of hard work and I only did it because I had wanted children deeply and desperately all my life.

I don’t regret it.

I have three fantastic kids, two are teenagers. They are my pride and joy.

Also extremely hard work, for a very very long time (if you want to parent well).

And it is a lottery whether your child has additional needs etc, which can make things much harder.

Don’t do it if you are not certain. You can’t take it back.

I am currently finding teenage years very very hard

Most parents I know don't regret being parents. In fact I'm not sure I know any who do.

It's normal to have slight regrets over life choices but that's not to say those people would have things any other way.

I have found it great! Yes it can be difficult at times but I think you’re expected to just keep quiet if you don’t find it hard. One of my friends in particular will say how she’s cried every day and just makes the whole thing sound like hell. I’m sure for her it must be but for me it’s been the complete opposite experience. I knew I couldn’t have coped without sleep so I read Gina Ford and followed the wake windows in it from when he was 2 weeks old. From 6 weeks old there were no night feeds and from 10 weeks old he was going 12 hours. He’s now almost 3 and has probably woken during the night about 5 times in that whole time. He entertains himself a lot in the day. It’s really not something I find hard but it’s almost like you’re expected to so you can’t say anything if you don’t. He will have his moments of going and bringing things out of cupboards etc but it’s nothing compared to what I thought it was going to be from the constant horror stories I’d heard over the years!

You hang around with some very negative people.

The cool thing atm is to act like it’s shit and really play up that aspect. It’s a slog, but I love my kids more than anything and find it really rewarding and fulfilling. It’s also nice to have built a community around them and their friends.

Honestly, a lot of it is what I've read on here!

I wanted 1 and had 4. I'd have more if I could, love every minute.

well, yes, I'm knackered 😂😂

It's taboo to say you regret it. Few people will say it to people irl.

It's seen as saying you wish your children dead. You don't. But with hindsight would have chosen a different path.

I don’t regret it for a second - honestly it’s the best thing I’ve ever done and has given my life purpose (I still have a good career bjt that isn’t my literal purpose)

but yes of course it’s hard, sometimes relentless, can be exhausting. You are looking after 1 or more little people who are unpredictable, helpless and vulnerable - they don’t conform to your plan or timetable. You can plan as best as you can but then one of them will have a tantrum and the other will do a big poo and make you late

but for me it’s worth it. For me at least - when the chaos ends the magic does as they say

I found it really lovely and quite easy the first two times.
Third DC never slept well/through the night until well into school age no matter what I did to encourage it. That was very difficult to cope with.

I love being a mum, but the severe lack of sleep definitely helped me to decide I was finished having babies.

I was on the fence (although probably knew deep down I wanted them, but I had all the same thoughts as you).

I bloody love it. It's impossible to understand why though, because it's a type of love that you can't experience until you have them. And that love outweighs all the hard stuff.

I disagree that if you're undecided you shouldn't have them. But it's a huge leap of faith that you have to take.

It's the lack of sleep I'm worried about, I am too scared to not have proper sleep for years.

I don't regret but I would say it's better to have lived before having children.

It would be easy to focus my pre-children life: freedom, high income, travel, which was great, but not so great that I didn't realise something was missing and that's why we had kids.

It's relentless, and you need to be realistic, about work, necessary wrap-around childcare. Nursery is easy, they are open pretty much every weekday apart from bank holidays. Once they start Primary school, it gets really hard with all their days off, but you plan for them.

If you don't let yourself go, there's no reason to be lose your figure (have you seen Kate Middleton recently?), pregnancy is just an excuse, but you need a bit of willpower.

It's not mandatory, you can have a very happy and fulfilled life without kids. Being "mumsy" has never been a compliment for anyone.

Surely it just depends? My kid never slept and I had raging PND, and I’ve ended up as a lone parent with no financial support. Do I find it hard?! Would be lying if I said no. But I know plenty others who sailed through without PND etc and are still happily coupled up. They generally found it less hard.

do I love my kid? Of course I do, and I wouldn’t not have had her, but it’s not been easy.

It takes 2 people to make a baby, you should agree before on how to share!
You can also budget for a night nanny, you can ask family for help.

I have not regretted it for a second and have loved every stage, even the toddler and teenage years that everyone warns you about. All four are young adults now and still my favourite people to spend time with. Remember that people tend to post on mn when they're struggling, you don't hear the happy stories as much.

Ha ha! I am currently trying to have a break from Mumsnet as it's awful for my mental health. If you're only getting info from here, then ignore it. I was very much on the fence about having kids. I have two now, 15 and 13, one with Down's Syndrome. I love them to bits and they are my world. I have found it very tiring, but have medical issues that contribute to this. I have no regrets. I didn't realise how much I'd love being a mum before having them.

I slept eight hours before kids

my first slept through until 3

my second isn’t as good a sleeper but it’s manageable

yes you won’t be able to have long lie ins for a long time tbh (or at least only occasionally) but honestly it’s worth it for me

I have a full social life and career life but there is nothing I like more than spending a Saturday afternoon on a day trip with the kids and my DH

it is difficult to explain why but it honestly completes my life and completes me

and it is a love I’ve never been able to imagine before. And I wasn’t even overly broody before having kids - it was just something I always planned to do because it seemed to be the norm

Hi @Addictedtocinammonrolls i don't regret it. They have given me something to live for. Pre kids i was living a very good life but i felt a big empty void in my life.
Go with how you feel x

Me. I was on the fence, thought it would be horrendous. It’s absolutely great, yes there’s a few hard bits but it’s fantastic. I don’t find it hard at all.

I was 41 when DD born. No regrets!

OP, I don't have kids. Was on the fence for years and was quite tormented! I read a book called Motherhood: Is it for me? which helped me make the decision in the end and haven't looked back. It really helped me understand that a lot of my uncertainty was around fear of being seen as a weirdo for not wanting kids, but that my actual desire was to stay child free. I never would have gotten there on my own. Also worth modelling your finances, career expectations etc and see how things would look with or without, and how that makes you feel. Finally, if you have a partner, do you trust they'd be committed and fair as a parent?

Never regretted it for a minute. It's is bloody hard work. I have 3. Been a parent for all of my adult life. I remember saying to DH once, when DS was about 3 years old and has us in stitches because he was being his usual crazy self, "how can anyone not want this". There is nothing like being a parent. Now the youngest is 17 I feel a little bit lost to be honest. I'm also immensely proud of them. They aren't high achievers but it's the little things that give me so much satisfaction. I don't think I will ever have as much pride in anything as I do in my kids.

It's an unpopular view but sleep training works and I know I was a better mum once they were sleeping through. Again, people are more likely to post for advice about sleep when they're struggling, you won't hear from the people who settled into a good routine and managed well.