Is there anyone who hasn't found having children that bad?

[Addictedtocinammonrolls]

I'm 32, all I hear is how people regret it, how hard it is, they haven't slept well in years, their looks and figure are ruined, finances and relationships ruined and so on .
I am really on the fence about it. If I were to have any I'd only ever have one I think.. I like my current life, I just really don't know. I'm not expecting it to be a piece of cake but so many people seem to regret it.

I don't know anyone who wishes their children away. It's hard and it changes your life but I don't know any parents who regret having their children. Despite the lack of sleep, worry, being responsible for another human being etc.
But it's impossible to really know what it is to have a child until you have one and then you can't just change your mind.
To be honest you don't sound as though you really want a child.

Is it harder on your energy/ability to cope/relationship the more children you have, or does it not make a difference, would anyone say?

I had mine at 31, (just one couldn't have another medically, likely would have chosen not to anyway) has been the best thing that ever happened to me. Life changed, but you have to look at the picture and decide if you want those changes or not.

For me I could list plenty of 'practical' cons - but the pros smash them all out the park!

Financially - initial reduction in pay for maternity, then longer term budgeting for childcare. Plus expenses for child (variable, but includes food, clothing (in particular the school ones), outings and the big ticket items (bed, matress, the usual baby stuff - depends on your network as sometimes a bunch of this may be gifted, once they aren't a new baby it won't be though)

Daily changes - never have a day off unless someone offers to have yours for a day/weekend while you're off work. Realistically in particular in young years you have someone to care and look after, take to places, do child activities with before, after, and on days off from work - so you don't ever really have downtime. Additionally you can't just 'pop out' unless you have matching hours with your partner, many work shifts to enable less paid childcare by covering yourself, so where you may have popped to the shops etc, you now will be at home when child is asleep, and if you 'pop out' with them, expect it to take a lot longer and to suddenly need to take a lot of stuff/pram/buggy/change of clothes etc

Impact/juggling of work - even with the best childcare if your child is ill you suddenly have to drop work/everything and look after them. Normally this is unpaid whilst you pay for the childcare

Mess/cleanliness - for me it isn't the mess that's made, it's just finding time to do cleaning. My son is actually very good at understanding 'one in before one out' with toys, but standard cleaning is hard to find the time when juggling work/cooking/looking after and keeping a child safe. If you're up with child getting them ready and taking them to childcare, then working 9 hours, then collecting and sorting a dinner/feeding child, then sorting bath and bedtime for child, there is no time in there.. so you end up either doing it when they are in bed, leaving it for days off, or hiring help!

There are plenty of other changes including things like a holiday never being the same again.

PROS

Love love and more love. For me I fell in love instantly. Cried at the birth, and have cried many times since. Sports days, nativities, first word, the first 'I love you mummy'. Literally nothing like it I have ever experienced, and I adore the time together, the teaching of life skills and educational things, seeing this little person emerge and develop his own personality and encouraging his likes/dislikes to develop organically and just watch with amazement. He has taught me more than anyone else has, I have done things I wouldn't have thought I would do as when they say 'I want to do X' and there is no harm in it, you go along for the ride and do something that without them, you just would have turned down. I've found it a really powerful experience and as a person I realised so much about myself. I've never regretted it for a second personally, there have been struggles, but I'd do it all again with him there 😊

Honestly there isn’t a single part of me that doesn’t absolutely love being a mother. My son is a little star, he’s coming up to two now and has slept through most of his life (blips here and there of course), he eats well, is generally very happy. He’s the light of my life. I don’t find it hard work, at all.

I have two teens who I adore and are a joy to be with. DD was not an easy baby as she had reflux and didn't sleep - she had a very traumatic entry into the world and both of us were shocked which made the first year very difficult. DS was a very easy baby by comparison. I've found motherhood had improved as the kids have got older. Teen years have been lovely for me - DD is 18 so I'm not expecting it all to go wrong now. Apart from that first year which felt like it would never end I have never regretted it.

Yes,it's not the sort of thing women are supposed to say.

Although in my experience it's always been men who were most horrified by such an admission.

MN is basically the squeaky wheels. Most parents are not struggling so much.

Me!

DC's father left just before second one was born so I've done it all alone. He very rarely sees them and has never had them overnight or taken them on holiday.

I just don't get what all the negativity on here is about. It was never hard work for me. It was lovely, and I'm utterly bereft now that they're grown up. I'd go back to them being babies and do it all again if I could.

They're both my best friends. We're so close, they are the best thing I've ever done.

I'm only 9 months in so can't give the same insight as others, but I was also worried about this and haven't found it too bad. I have always needed lots of sleep - I could easily sleep 9 hours at night then have a 60-90 minute nap in the afternoon before I got pregnant. My baby is a terrible sleeper, worse than I had imagined (wakes every hour - 2 hours most nights), but I'm coping surprisingly well! I think your body just gets used to it.

I’d be shot if I said it in real life, but honestly, if you’re kids are healthy, it’s just living and it’s not hard.

My proudest achievement is seeing my 4 adult children become really lovely adults. Yes, it was hard at times, very, but I wouldn't change a thing. Each age and stage has its issues, but also wonderful at the same time. My eldest did think sleep was for wimps, and I was a single parent with him for a couple of years.

My ex dh may have not been perfect, but he was an extremely present, hands on, 50:50 parent and we were a fantastic team together. We made sure both of us got enough sleep so we could function. Everything was equal responsibility. This is absolutely key.

Thanks very much for your honesty, the replies have made me feel more reassured.

*but hard enough that I can’t avoid typos!

Mine are grown now, so I've run the whole gauntlet from newborn to adulthood and whilst there have been moments of joy and moments of heartache it has been the most rewarding and most fulfilling experience of my life.

That being said, our DC were NT, I worked full time so we had adequate finances (as well as my having financial independence), DH and I shared 'duties', and we had 2 sets of grandparents willing to help out. People facing less optimal circumstances are justified in having a different opinion.

It depends on many things but three main ones - what sort of baby you have, your own temperament and, most importantly, how much support you have from the baby's father and/or others.

I have a 2.5 yr old and an 11 month old so very much in the thick of it and I'm finding it very manageable and a lot of fun, but I have relatively easy children, the patience of a saint (much to my surprise) and a 100% hands on DH. Unfortunately you can't predict any of these things with complete certainty before baby's born. No one really knows how they or anyone else will react to parenthood before they become parents.

I will say that with both DC I went back to work at 9/10 months and found that having that time with my head in another placed helps keep me feeling fresh as a parent.

I find it hard work to try and fit everything in. You absolutely can’t do all the stuff you did pre kids. Some of it you don’t miss at all, some of it you might. I also think you can tie yourself in knots easily about whether you are being good enough and people (weirdly particularly other women who you would think would sympathise that it is hard sometimes) can be horrendously judgemental. I’m so pleased we decided to have the kids and I struggle to even picture my life without them but at the same time I don’t think anyone is incomplete without them. I imagine a lot of people a bit on the fence could have a very happy child free life and a very happy life with kids. Those lives would look different but both have every chance of being purposeful and filled with love & fun & laughter alongside the hard bits.

This! So much of one's parenting experience is down to your child's temperament, which we have no control over. You get what you get. I bloody love my DD and being a mum, but it is hard. You "work" from dawn until dusk, always come last and are permanently knackered. I wouldn't change it, but I'm not sure I'll have another!

I don't regret it either. Only have the one through choice. DS is nearly 7. I didn't have him until I was 36... so felt I'd thoroughly lived my life by that point! DS slept through from 6 weeks - he's always been a sleeper. The baby phase was lovely, as was the toddler and pre-school. He's been an absolute delight. He's been the icing on the cake for DP and I. He's not stopped us doing anything, he just comes along too and fits in with the stuff we'd always done. Life is perhaps a slightly slower pace now, which isn't a bad thing. I appreciate my down time more now I think. I've continued to pursue all the hobbies I had pre child as has DP. I work full time and had a complete career chance in the past two years. I don't think I've missed out on anything at all.

You might not understand how other parents make different parenting decisions to you, but you’ve just said you did all that stuff which you found hard and “as a result” you have a happy, emotionally secure 2 year old.

I didn’t ebf, did sleep train, sometimes put the telly on, went back to work, was what you describe as selfish and did consider my own needs - and as a result I have a happy, emotionally secure, kind, patient 5 year old who is thriving and always has done because I was thriving.

You do you - sounds like you’ve made the parenting decisions you wanted - but the idea that you needed to do that in order to create the child you have and probably would always have had anyway so long as you loved them and gave them a stable home is misguided.

No regrets here. My Dc have enhanced my life. Lack of sleep is the worst but apart from that, it's been an adventure. I've made lots of friends and been to many places, some for me, some for dc.
It's a combination of luck and hard work. If you're not certain, don't do it.

I’m 31 and have a 15 month old and it has been difficult at times and hard work. The lack of sleep has been really tough, my appearance has definitely deteriorated and my relationship has been strained. I can’t say that I haven’t thought about what else I could be doing BUT I love and adore my son and wouldn’t change him for the world. Being a parent does turn your life upside down but I don’t regret it.

It completely depends on the child you have. Some people have children who sleep through and some have kids who barely sleep. Obviously the ones who have placid children are going to extol the virtues of parenthood. My own kids are somewhere in the middle. You have no idea what you're going to get. Throw in factors like illness and special needs and it's pot luck, so no one can tell you what your own experience will be like.

I love it but I always knew I wanted to have children, and while there have been hard parts it's been so much more than I ever could have wished for.

Lack of sleep doesn't bother me that much. But you can also be more or less militant about sleep, you don't just have to go with it forever if you don't want to.

No regrets
Sleep trained so slept well
Figure good (when I put the work in)
Finances definitely more strained - kids cost a lot.

Having Them is the best thing I ever did

I have 4, there is ND, sen and hard work. One barely slept till they were 6. I don’t regret it one bit. I love being a mum and love them more than anything. I know it’s cliche but it’s true, I honestly wouldn’t change it.
My youngest has the highest needs, not the greatest sleeper and was unplanned. I never would have planned a 4th but honestly I’m not sure how I would have got past these last years without him. They’ve been tough years (partly due to everything with him but also other stuff). He’s what has got me up every morning (if I got to sleep lol) and kept me going. He brings me so much joy and brightens every day.
There are days I want to run away and hide, and a week in the sun with some peace wouldn’t go amiss, but I know I am very blessed.