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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I did nothing wrong and was actually very nice?

172 replies

timtamfan21 · 14/07/2023 20:00

I’m currently working abroad and living in a staff house with 2 other women (we’re all 30s professional's in a niché sector, not teenagers on a gap year for context!). We are only in mainland Europe and go home on weekends to see our families. We see each other at work but usually only briefly due to working different shift patterns, we’re all going home permanently in early August.

Will call one colleague Helen and one Miranda. I arrived 2 weeks after Helen and Miranda, my post got delayed due to a family crisis, we all knew OF each other but hadn’t met before. When I arrived last month they had already bonded quite well due to their kids sharing the same hobbies and being from the same part of the UK, so my arrival was always going to be a ‘3 is a crowd’ situation but I didn’t really care, I was there to work and was happy with just being friendly with them. They did make a nice effort to include me though and we had film evenings etc and evening trips together to see the local area/culture. We've all had cries about missing our DC at some point and have all supported each other through that.

Miranda has unfortunately become the victim of prolonged sexual harassment by a man who is a resident in an apartment in the complex opposite our staff home. He waits for her in the morning on her walk to and from work and knows full well none of us drive to work. Miranda smokes and he without fail approaches her every time she goes out. The behaviour has ramped up recently, with him chasing Miranda halfway to work shouting at her to come back. Miranda is, of course, absolutely terrified and me and Helen have been very supportive and one of us always walks her to work and meets her when she finishes a shift. Local police are aware but don’t seem bothered and say they can’t do anything until the man actually assaults Miranda, which I think is disgusting.

Yesterday was a rare occasion where me and Helen were both working the same shift, with Miranda being at home. We were both worried but Miranda insisted she’d just stay in and of course keep all the doors locked, promising to let one of us know if something happened. Helen had her lunch break first then I went on mine. Helen’s phone was left in the break room when she went back on shift, and I was quite shocked she’d forget it considering the Miranda situation. A few minutes later I was concerned when I noticed Miranda calling Helen’s phone. I’d never usually look at somebody else’s phone, but with Helen not being present, I decided to answer in case Miranda was in immediate danger.

Miranda was hyperventilating down the phone, and begging for me to put Helen on. I explained that Helen had gone back on shift and I didn’t know where in the huge building she would be by now. Miranda explained she had decided to nip out for some food but the bloke had come out onto the forecourt as she was leaving the house and started running towards her shouting, so she was now back in the apartment with the doors locked and didn’t know if he was outside but that it was quiet. I, in no uncertain terms, told Miranda to call the police ASAP and she said no, she wanted to see Helen first and that she reckoned the bloke had gone. The facility we work in is huge and it could’ve taken me ages to find Helen, so I said quite firmly to Miranda that I was coming home in case he was outside. Miranda then got quite nasty with me and said “What are you going to even be able to do? I want Helen.” I was quite upset by this butI let it go though because she was terrified and I could understand her wanting the friend she was closer to, so I go to find Helen.

Track down Helen about 15 minutes later who quickly speaks to our line manager then rushes home to see Miranda, and takes the rest of the day off to look after Miranda on the manager’s say so. In that time she supports Miranda in making a police statement. When I get home, they both immediately ask me to sit down and chastise me for answering Helen’s phone. I felt ganged up on and put on the spot. I was stunned and explained to Miranda that I had done it in case she was in danger, which she was, and pointed out that I was hurt she got so angry at my suggestion that I was coming back to see her instead of wasting time trying to track Helen down whilst the bloke could be trying to break into our house, and Miranda promptly went off to bed in a huff and Helen went for a walk. This morning neither of were speaking to me. I’ve worked all day and am currently in the airport to get my flight home for the weekend, but I’m getting a London flight and they are getting a different one together to a different UK city to see their own families there, which I’m relieved about because I couldn’t stand the image of them giving me daggers in the boarding lounge, it was bad enough running into them in the coffee shop before security where I approached them to wish them a safe flight home and a nice weekend with their families and got ignored. Will be boarding soon so won’t reply for a while but I genuinely want opinions of others because I can’t understand why they are being so nasty. I also accept the risk they may be MNetters but I don’t think it’s particularly likely. And if I’m wrong, well I’ll have to face the awkwardness for the 2 weeks remaining of the arrangement.

I feel shocked and now I just cannot wait for this work arrangement to be over. AIBU to think I didn’t do anything wrong?

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 15/07/2023 07:24

Go to HR and also request to move to new accommodation. Try not to give it headspace.

The two of them deserve each other...
Agree with others there is some fact missing here. Its vaguely bonkers behaviour from them and you behaved totally normally.

Miranda going out because she fancied x from the shops wreaks of drama...from what you said it seemed fairly likely/ predictable captain creep would strike

DogsAkimbo · 15/07/2023 07:25

YouJustDoYou · 15/07/2023 07:10

Wow, you did nothing wrong. What a weird immature response from Miranda, "I don't want YOU, I want HELEN!".

Like a toddler playing their parents off.

PaigeMatthews · 15/07/2023 07:32

timtamfan21 · 14/07/2023 20:34

but will quickly add that miranda took the attitude of she didn't see why she should lose this work opportunity because of the creep so took a stand

They are of course both very unreasonable. As are the police.

stalkers are dangerous. None of this makes sense. Dont walk her anywhere. Dont put yourself in danger.

PaigeMatthews · 15/07/2023 07:33

IncompleteSenten · 15/07/2023 07:15

You did nothings by wrong.
She's terrified but not so terrified that she can't be picky about who helps her. 🙄

This.

Grimchmas · 15/07/2023 07:45

I think they were both acting batshit crazy. The only thing that vaguely makes any sense to me is what others are saying about if there is more to what's going on with that man than you know about. Maybe she's been very silly and got into a drugs deal, and Helen is somehow involved.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/07/2023 07:48

Leave them to it. It’s only two weeks abcs you’re done.

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 15/07/2023 07:56

PissOffJeffrey · 14/07/2023 20:40

Either there is more to Helen & Miranda's friendship than you know or there is more to the situation with the stalker than you know.

Keep out of their way for the next couple of weeks & then come home. It's a them problem. Not a you problem.

Agree with you @PissOffJeffrey The whole situation sounds weird. OP you haven't done anything wrong. The 2 ladies seem batshit crazy

JudgeRudy · 15/07/2023 08:00

Given the circumstances I'd have probably done the same. I'm very protective over my privacy but geese are exceptional circumstances. I'd perhaps speak with/at them as you're about to leave/go bed in a non apologetic manner and be quite assertive. Just say that you accept emotions are running high but now the immediate danger has passed and people are calmer you suggest they reflect on their behaviour towards you as you don't deserve to be treated this way. Tell them you let it go at the time because you thought they weren't thinking straight but you hadn't expected this level of hostility to continue. Make sure the last few words are yours....then exit.
Maybe they will reflect and stop this nonsense...or maybe they'll dislike you more. Either way it's cleared the air and you've said your piece.

Blueblell · 15/07/2023 08:34

This is a strange scenario. I hate people touching my phone but in this situation I would fully expect you to answer my phone and would think it odd if you didn’t.

its seems there is more to this. It’s a bit of a stretch but I wonder if they are in a relationship or running a scam to get time off.

GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour · 15/07/2023 08:46

Like PP are saying there must be more to this than meets the eye. Your behaviour was totally normal and if I was Miranda I would be have been grateful that you offered to come home.

I think there's a lot to be said for the 'buying drugs' angle. Everything is so weird in this senario that mind altering drugs and the tangled thought processes that come along with that might the answer.

ThePoshUns · 15/07/2023 09:07

They sound like a pair of sixth formers, revelling in the drama of the situation.
You absolutely did what I'd have done in the situation.
I'd keep them at a polite distance for the rest of your stay.

GrapeHyacinth · 15/07/2023 09:53

You're not in the wrong at all. The people in the wrong are:
stalker guy,
the police for not helping,
Helen for not having her phone with her, Miranda and Helen for treating you badly.
Not you.

10HailMarys · 15/07/2023 11:57

timtamfan21 · 14/07/2023 20:31

NotAllPets

Well that's where it gets weirder because Miranda was offered to move to a different department with different accomadation but declined

Miranda and Helen are having an affair, I suspect.

TheOhGodOfHangovers · 15/07/2023 12:24

Ask them what they would have done if you hadn’t answered Helen’s phone.

wutheringkites · 15/07/2023 12:26

What streaming platform is this on?

WildUnchartedWaters · 15/07/2023 12:29

Miranda is hugely entitled.

This bizarre situation of you two guarding her and looking after her is a big ask enough.

I'm appalled that they treated you like that. No, you've done nothing wrong.

ThePoshUns · 15/07/2023 16:23

wutheringkites · 15/07/2023 12:26

What streaming platform is this on?

Lol

doyouwanticewiththat · 16/07/2023 12:05

Very odd. Sounds like there is more to their relationship and they are thriving from the drama. You sound like a very nice person and you did what you thought was the right thing, answering the phone in what you thought was a concerning situation.
I'd keep a polite distance from them , or request a move in accommodation . They sound very odd and immature!

Strawberrycocktail · 16/07/2023 12:55

Yes I think they are having an affair and the stalker story may have been a cover for wanting Helen back home for some alone time or even an exxaggerated story that Miranda blurted out when you answered the phone and she’d just been calling Helen for a chat in what she may have thought would be her lunch break. Helen may have left her phone deliberately knowing that Miranda hadnt yet called and not wanting to have the chat with her when she was supposed to be working, if it was just a usual but fairly intimate chat that they have when noone is listening. Hence didnt really want her phone to be answered. When it was and the cover story of Miranda’s got into full dramatic flow they had to follow through with everything that followed including Helen going home and a police statement. I am wondering if the stalker exists. Have you seen him following and pestering her or is this just what you have been told? He may have been an invention to give them some time alone or maybe there’s another backstory with this guy and why he’s trying to speak to her!

excelledyourself · 19/07/2023 23:39

How are things since you've been back at the staff accommodation OP?

caringcarer · 20/07/2023 00:37

They sound nuts. Why would one woman go out alone knowing she had a stalker? It doesn't make sense. You were obviously doing your best but they both sound strange to me.

AtrociousCircumstance · 21/07/2023 00:39

wutheringkites · 15/07/2023 12:26

What streaming platform is this on?

I would watch the hell out of this if it was a drama!

Not saying it is of course OP but - whoa. How’s it all going?

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