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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I did nothing wrong and was actually very nice?

172 replies

timtamfan21 · 14/07/2023 20:00

I’m currently working abroad and living in a staff house with 2 other women (we’re all 30s professional's in a niché sector, not teenagers on a gap year for context!). We are only in mainland Europe and go home on weekends to see our families. We see each other at work but usually only briefly due to working different shift patterns, we’re all going home permanently in early August.

Will call one colleague Helen and one Miranda. I arrived 2 weeks after Helen and Miranda, my post got delayed due to a family crisis, we all knew OF each other but hadn’t met before. When I arrived last month they had already bonded quite well due to their kids sharing the same hobbies and being from the same part of the UK, so my arrival was always going to be a ‘3 is a crowd’ situation but I didn’t really care, I was there to work and was happy with just being friendly with them. They did make a nice effort to include me though and we had film evenings etc and evening trips together to see the local area/culture. We've all had cries about missing our DC at some point and have all supported each other through that.

Miranda has unfortunately become the victim of prolonged sexual harassment by a man who is a resident in an apartment in the complex opposite our staff home. He waits for her in the morning on her walk to and from work and knows full well none of us drive to work. Miranda smokes and he without fail approaches her every time she goes out. The behaviour has ramped up recently, with him chasing Miranda halfway to work shouting at her to come back. Miranda is, of course, absolutely terrified and me and Helen have been very supportive and one of us always walks her to work and meets her when she finishes a shift. Local police are aware but don’t seem bothered and say they can’t do anything until the man actually assaults Miranda, which I think is disgusting.

Yesterday was a rare occasion where me and Helen were both working the same shift, with Miranda being at home. We were both worried but Miranda insisted she’d just stay in and of course keep all the doors locked, promising to let one of us know if something happened. Helen had her lunch break first then I went on mine. Helen’s phone was left in the break room when she went back on shift, and I was quite shocked she’d forget it considering the Miranda situation. A few minutes later I was concerned when I noticed Miranda calling Helen’s phone. I’d never usually look at somebody else’s phone, but with Helen not being present, I decided to answer in case Miranda was in immediate danger.

Miranda was hyperventilating down the phone, and begging for me to put Helen on. I explained that Helen had gone back on shift and I didn’t know where in the huge building she would be by now. Miranda explained she had decided to nip out for some food but the bloke had come out onto the forecourt as she was leaving the house and started running towards her shouting, so she was now back in the apartment with the doors locked and didn’t know if he was outside but that it was quiet. I, in no uncertain terms, told Miranda to call the police ASAP and she said no, she wanted to see Helen first and that she reckoned the bloke had gone. The facility we work in is huge and it could’ve taken me ages to find Helen, so I said quite firmly to Miranda that I was coming home in case he was outside. Miranda then got quite nasty with me and said “What are you going to even be able to do? I want Helen.” I was quite upset by this butI let it go though because she was terrified and I could understand her wanting the friend she was closer to, so I go to find Helen.

Track down Helen about 15 minutes later who quickly speaks to our line manager then rushes home to see Miranda, and takes the rest of the day off to look after Miranda on the manager’s say so. In that time she supports Miranda in making a police statement. When I get home, they both immediately ask me to sit down and chastise me for answering Helen’s phone. I felt ganged up on and put on the spot. I was stunned and explained to Miranda that I had done it in case she was in danger, which she was, and pointed out that I was hurt she got so angry at my suggestion that I was coming back to see her instead of wasting time trying to track Helen down whilst the bloke could be trying to break into our house, and Miranda promptly went off to bed in a huff and Helen went for a walk. This morning neither of were speaking to me. I’ve worked all day and am currently in the airport to get my flight home for the weekend, but I’m getting a London flight and they are getting a different one together to a different UK city to see their own families there, which I’m relieved about because I couldn’t stand the image of them giving me daggers in the boarding lounge, it was bad enough running into them in the coffee shop before security where I approached them to wish them a safe flight home and a nice weekend with their families and got ignored. Will be boarding soon so won’t reply for a while but I genuinely want opinions of others because I can’t understand why they are being so nasty. I also accept the risk they may be MNetters but I don’t think it’s particularly likely. And if I’m wrong, well I’ll have to face the awkwardness for the 2 weeks remaining of the arrangement.

I feel shocked and now I just cannot wait for this work arrangement to be over. AIBU to think I didn’t do anything wrong?

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 15/07/2023 00:22

Sound to me like Miranda secretly loves the drama of it all (hence not wanting to change accommodation to avoid the man) and loves sharing it with Helen. They probably think that you'll see through them, which is why they are being nasty to you.

ClairDeLaLune · 15/07/2023 00:38

They’re weirdos. You did nothing wrong OP. You answered that phone in absolutely good faith and tried to help, you sound like a really nice person. They sound batshit! I’d just ignore them for the next 2 months, then you’ll be well out of it.

SheerLucks · 15/07/2023 00:43

ClairDeLaLune · 15/07/2023 00:38

They’re weirdos. You did nothing wrong OP. You answered that phone in absolutely good faith and tried to help, you sound like a really nice person. They sound batshit! I’d just ignore them for the next 2 months, then you’ll be well out of it.

I absolutely agree. They sound completely flakey and by drawing you into their drama they're making you feel the same. Get out as soon as you can, would be my opinion!!

Tophy124 · 15/07/2023 00:45

I’d ask to be placed elsewhere if I were you OP and let your company know both are being unprofessional and nasty to the point you feel u comfortable continuing to live with them. Let them know who is at fault here (it was not you!!). Until then I’d ignore the pair back and be done with their bullshit and drama.

Pawpatrolsucks · 15/07/2023 00:51

Something doesn’t add up. I think there is more to it that the op doesn’t know. Or Miranda and Helen are just bored and stirring up drama. Op have you actually seen the stalker?

I would ask to move accommodation, even if it is only for a short time.

DojaPhat · 15/07/2023 00:55

This would work reasonably well as a 6-part drama series in my v honest opinion.

MysteryBelle · 15/07/2023 00:58

You did everything right. They are both bitches.

Cornishclio · 15/07/2023 00:59

You were trying to help so no you did nothing wrong.

I would not get involved in any of this drama again. Let Miranda look after herself. Very strange pair.

Addicted2LoveIsland · 15/07/2023 01:38

Agree with the majority. I'd probably have answered the phone too.
I wouldn't engage and I wouldn't be walking Miranda to and from work any more. In fact I'd wash my hands of the whole thing - if they ask I would say I'd rather not get involved anymore and leave it at that. Just do the 2 weeks - it will go quickly. You went for the experience not to make friends. As long as you get what you wanted professionally out of it you're winning.

Scylax · 15/07/2023 02:01

You were totally right to answer and try to help, and I can’t see you’ve done anything wrong at any point. They’re acting so weirdly it makes we feel that something else must be going on - some role-play or something they’re into that you’re not part of with the guy? Probably a crazy idea, but anyway, I think you were kind to try to help, doing what any decent person would, and shouldn’t blame yourself.

NESS111 · 15/07/2023 03:13

You were trying to help and the reaction you got was bizarre if I had a crazed stalker coming for me I would ring the police first. You were worried and answered the phone because of everything you were told about the stalker. Why did Helen leave her phone if she was worried about miranda? And then Miranda just happens to phone up in a panic when only you were available to answer.

DogsAkimbo · 15/07/2023 03:17

DojaPhat · 15/07/2023 00:55

This would work reasonably well as a 6-part drama series in my v honest opinion.

Yes, maybe an Ann Cleve’s adaptation. Vera might help.

DogsAkimbo · 15/07/2023 03:20

Also, you were worried about the nutter outside your house, and now it’s two nutters inside your house. I might take my chances outside!

ChrisTrepidation · 15/07/2023 04:48

They both sound bat shit crazy.

I would be polite but distant for rest of placement. Have nothing more to do with their stalker drama. They don't appreciate your support so fuck em.

ChrisTrepidation · 15/07/2023 04:51

Also...

Have you seen this stalker with your own eyes? Does he actually exist?

Are you sure the two women aren't secretly lovers?

ButImNotOldEnough · 15/07/2023 05:36

Have you or your flat mate witnessed this behaviour from the man?

HighlandCowbag · 15/07/2023 05:41

Suspect it was all set up for them to have a day off together. Left the phone on purpose knowing that you would answer and verify the distress therefore the mate had to be sent home. Fucking weirdos, leave them to it.

Codlingmoths · 15/07/2023 05:45

Well, now helen will have to adjust her schedule to accompany Miranda everywhere. Enjoy stopping by a cafe on the way into work or for dinner on your way home these last two weeks, as you don’t have to be there for anyone else now.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 15/07/2023 06:06

This. I don't even get their reasoning, if you hadn't answered Helen wouldn't have known Miranda was in trouble till her next break. Given the situation you did the right thing, their reaction makes no sense

ZickZack · 15/07/2023 06:15

They sound horrible honestly.

MayThe4th · 15/07/2023 06:24

Do you actually know that Miranda has spoken to HR? Personally I would speak to them, and don’t be surprised if this is the first they’ve heard about it.

IMO Miranda should be sent home. It’s not on that others are put in danger because of her refusal to accept help.
but I suspect this alleged stalker is just someone she shagged.

Frogmila · 15/07/2023 06:44

You did the right thing, she's created enough of a fuss (despite turning down alternative arrangements knowing the police in country are useless) that it would count as an emergency answering the phone. You then found Helen and sent her home. Pair of arseholes. I would be very distant indeed. People can only punish you through the silent treatment if you're trying to speak to them. I would either avoid or look straight through them. I wouldn't be smiling or appeasing or even particularly civil. You did nothing wrong.

red78hot · 15/07/2023 07:06

You did nothing wrong, if they want to act like that's and ungrateful f*ckers then I'd be leaving them to it. No more walking Miranda to / from work. Helen busy? Or at work? Tough, you reap what you sow.

YouJustDoYou · 15/07/2023 07:10

Wow, you did nothing wrong. What a weird immature response from Miranda, "I don't want YOU, I want HELEN!".

IncompleteSenten · 15/07/2023 07:15

You did nothings by wrong.
She's terrified but not so terrified that she can't be picky about who helps her. 🙄

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