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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH is going to find out about my CC debt isn’t he.

505 replies

Blueskyfordays · 14/07/2023 19:38

PLEASE, PLEASE not a pile on.

I have £4K of CC debt, tbh I have no idea how I’ve even accumulated it over the years but here we are. Minimum payments are £150 a month, I pay off £200-£250 a month but it has a fairly high interest rate (about £80 a month interest charges) husband doesn’t know, we have separate bank accounts with my wages going into mine and his going into his. I just transfer him money for mortgage and bills.

I have never been on our mortgage, mainly because DH can easily afford the mortgage himself and this house was his before we married. We married a couple of years ago.

Mortgage now up for renewal, he said a couple of months ago he wanted to put me on the mortgage. I didn’t say anything, hoping he’d forget/ change his mind.

This morning, the new provider that he’s gone to a quote for rang him and he said he wanted to put his wife on the mortgage too and I had to give some details, name, DOB, job title, current salary etc.

Between us we earn £98k and we would be looking to take out a mortgage of £240,000.

The man on the phone thanked him for the details and said someone will be in touch.

Will they ask/ tell him about the debt? 😭😭 I know people will say I should have told him/ should tell him but I pay it every month, I’ve never missed a payment, it comes out of my wage and if I was spending £200 a month on clothes and shoes (I don’t!) I wouldn’t tell him, so long as I could afford it.

I was just hoping to get it all paid off in the next 2-3 years with him being none the wiser 😞

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/07/2023 20:55

So if he thought you had 10k debt a few years ago, surely he would assume you still had some debt?

OooohAhhhh · 14/07/2023 20:56

Do a credit transfer immediately, with 0% interest for a fixed amount of time, you can do it through your online banking. Nobody pays £80 interest that's insane.
I hope you are ok & manage to get it sorted.

Original poster
Blueskyfordays · 14/07/2023 20:56

aloris · 14/07/2023 20:50

Are you afraid that if he kicked you out, that he would take custody of your joint child, or prevent you seeing your child? Tell us more about that. Why do you think that would happen?

Show quote history

He would want 50/50. I can’t be apart from them for 50% of the time, it would break me. They’re only 13 months.

Not to mention the fact that I actually really love my DH. He is a good man and is an amazing husband and father, but yes, I can’t talk to him about financial issues as he’s so judgy and strict with money.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 14/07/2023 20:57

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/07/2023 20:55

So if he thought you had 10k debt a few years ago, surely he would assume you still had some debt?

But did he know the OP's parents paid off the 10k? If he did, he might have thought that was an end to it.

Karrpt · 14/07/2023 20:57

"I’m going to have to tell him I don’t want to be on the mortgage."

Don't do that you nutter, just style it out. If it asks for CC just say oh it's about 3k isn't it? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Don't apply for a new credit card now. They'll do a hard search and you could get rejected for a mortgage based on that alone. Just sit tight, then when the mortgage is agreed/sorted get it paid off by transferring it to a 0% interest card

TNUHC · 14/07/2023 20:57

Your husband does know, doesn't he, that a mortgage is a debt?

It is sad that you're scared of what his reaction to a relatively tiny debt will be. I am pretty financially cautious, and would think nothing at all of a 4k credit card debt - but I would not be paying interest on it. If you do a 0% balance transfer, you can then do a further one when the first one ends. Provided you don't spend any more, you will pay it off pretty quickly at £250 per month.

If you divorce, or if your husband dies, the fact that you are married means that the house is yours regardless of what you have put into it and whether or not your name is on the mortgage (this is one of many reasons why marriage is good for the less financially secure party).

If your husband would leave you over a small debt that you're paying off, that's something you and he need to resolve, as it's not normal or healthy.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/07/2023 20:58

I mean maybe if he wasn't such a finance twat you wouldn't have to be so secret about it all.

Bahhhhhumbug · 14/07/2023 20:58

Apply for the Santander one it doesnt leave a footprint so if you are one of the unlucky 5% who are rejected it wont affect you going for the Capitol One card l transfer our balance every few years through MSE ,quick and easy,just follow the links. .

StratAv234 · 14/07/2023 20:59

i don’t think it’s a great sign at all that you feel so disapproved of by him - if he was less judgmental you’d have told him ages ago, either paid it off from savings or had a balance xfer at a lower interest rate.

instead your fear of disapproval has meant you’ve paid more and stuck your head in the sand.

I did all the broker stuff, that mortgage on a £98k income is not going to ruffle any affordability questions so you’re in no jeopardy there.

Karrpt · 14/07/2023 20:59

"He is a good man and is an amazing husband and father, but yes, I can’t talk to him about financial issues as he’s so judgy and strict with money."

He's a prick. Not an amazing husband at all. But I still wouldn't fess up. I'd act thick when necessary and get my name on that mortgage

Billyhero · 14/07/2023 20:59

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CamCola · 14/07/2023 21:00

TNUHC · 14/07/2023 20:57

Your husband does know, doesn't he, that a mortgage is a debt?

It is sad that you're scared of what his reaction to a relatively tiny debt will be. I am pretty financially cautious, and would think nothing at all of a 4k credit card debt - but I would not be paying interest on it. If you do a 0% balance transfer, you can then do a further one when the first one ends. Provided you don't spend any more, you will pay it off pretty quickly at £250 per month.

If you divorce, or if your husband dies, the fact that you are married means that the house is yours regardless of what you have put into it and whether or not your name is on the mortgage (this is one of many reasons why marriage is good for the less financially secure party).

If your husband would leave you over a small debt that you're paying off, that's something you and he need to resolve, as it's not normal or healthy.

A mortgage and credit card debt are completely different though.

He may not leave her over the debt but he’s allowed to be pissed off about it and the fact she’s been lying for ages.

Billyhero · 14/07/2023 21:01

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SarahAndQuack · 14/07/2023 21:01

Blueskyfordays · 14/07/2023 20:56

He would want 50/50. I can’t be apart from them for 50% of the time, it would break me. They’re only 13 months.

Not to mention the fact that I actually really love my DH. He is a good man and is an amazing husband and father, but yes, I can’t talk to him about financial issues as he’s so judgy and strict with money.

Show quote history

You can talk to him.

Sorry to be blunt, but you sound as if you are making excuses. You're blaming him for being 'do judgy and strict'. But ... you came into this relationship with what he thinks was 10k of debt. That was nothing to do with him - it's not as if his 'strictness' made it happen. And then, after you knew he really minded about debt, you still ended up going further into debt for what sound like pretty non-essential purchases.

SarahAndQuack · 14/07/2023 21:03

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Confused

Um ... she told him her debt was 10k and it was 13k. It's all spiralled from there: he doesn't know she has more debt.

Billyhero · 14/07/2023 21:04

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Karrpt · 14/07/2023 21:05

"Ignore that advice you won’t be rejected for a mortgage because you’ve applied for a Cc!

One hard search does not mean a bad score."

Tell that to my brother who had exactly that situation just last week! They've got a hefty deposit and a decent credit score too.

Meowandthen · 14/07/2023 21:05

As a side note , as you don’t jointly own the property, I hope you have proper wills in place.

JusthereforXmas · 14/07/2023 21:05

Yous make 98K but can't outright pay off a £4k debt?

That's what 4% of your yearly income?
Less than half you monthly income?

We make about 1/4th what you do as a family of 5 and I could pay that off. It just makes sense rather than paying interest forever which means your basically constantly losing more money.

SarahAndQuack · 14/07/2023 21:07

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Ok, first off: there's no need to put 'her' in quotation marks. She came into the relationship with debt; it is categorically not debt they've run up together.

I think her debt is his business because they are married. I can absolutely see that some couples would keep finances totally separate, and that might be fine, but you didn't ask that. You asked how had she lied. And the answer is that, when he asked her how much her debt was, she didn't tell the truth. And by not telling the truth then, she's set off a chain of deceptions.

It's clear she feels really ashamed and embarrassed and that must be horrible. It's also clear she really didn't mean for any of this to happen. But she didn't tell the truth and she should.

LifeExperience · 14/07/2023 21:08

You are being financially abused. Yes, you've lied to him and that's bad, but any man who would divorce his wife over a 4K debt is not a good man.

Karrpt · 14/07/2023 21:09

It's really bad advice to tell her to do something that will show up and potentially make the underwriter pause for thought.

www.themortgagehut.co.uk/expert-articles/bad-credit-mortgages/84/how-much-does-a-mortgage-application-impact-your-credit-score

"The same is true with other forms of credit. If you plan to get a new credit card or a loan as well as your mortgage, you’re best off doing so at least six months before (or wait until six months after) you submit your application so there’s no crossover or interference."

Billyhero · 14/07/2023 21:12

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Blossomtoes · 14/07/2023 21:12

it’s a lot easier and less faff than trying to get you on the deeds’

It isn’t. It’s really easy to get you added to the land registry entry. In fact far easier than adding you to the mortgage application. I still think you should tell him though.

RedTedBoom · 14/07/2023 21:13

Applying to clear score doesn't affect your credit file & they will also give you tips to improve your score - more than 2 full searches in a 6 months period does though.
The searches will include the one for the mortgage though.
You shouldn't have a problem with that level of mortgage on your combined salary but really you need to talk to your OH particularly if you are worried about payments.
Even if you start with the fact you want to make the payments yourself a joint application or your OH being the primary might guarantee you get the best rate for the longest timeframe