DH is going to find out about my CC debt isn’t he.

[Blueskyfordays]

PLEASE, PLEASE not a pile on.

I have £4K of CC debt, tbh I have no idea how I’ve even accumulated it over the years but here we are. Minimum payments are £150 a month, I pay off £200-£250 a month but it has a fairly high interest rate (about £80 a month interest charges) husband doesn’t know, we have separate bank accounts with my wages going into mine and his going into his. I just transfer him money for mortgage and bills.

I have never been on our mortgage, mainly because DH can easily afford the mortgage himself and this house was his before we married. We married a couple of years ago.

Mortgage now up for renewal, he said a couple of months ago he wanted to put me on the mortgage. I didn’t say anything, hoping he’d forget/ change his mind.

This morning, the new provider that he’s gone to a quote for rang him and he said he wanted to put his wife on the mortgage too and I had to give some details, name, DOB, job title, current salary etc.

Between us we earn £98k and we would be looking to take out a mortgage of £240,000.

The man on the phone thanked him for the details and said someone will be in touch.

Will they ask/ tell him about the debt? 😭😭 I know people will say I should have told him/ should tell him but I pay it every month, I’ve never missed a payment, it comes out of my wage and if I was spending £200 a month on clothes and shoes (I don’t!) I wouldn’t tell him, so long as I could afford it.

I was just hoping to get it all paid off in the next 2-3 years with him being none the wiser 😞

The Intestacy rules are 275 to spouse followed by half the remainder to her. The remainder divided equally between any children. In the event she is named at the land registry and if the property is held as joint tenants the property will automatically pass to her outside of a will. If tenants in common unless otherwise specified she is deemed to own 50% in the event of death. Different if divorce is the catalyst rather than death.

My point was whether op is on the land registry/mortgage deed doesn't matter in the event of a separation because they are legally married (i.e. not a religious marriage outside the law). She seemed to be under the impression because she isn't named so, she has no entitlement to it and he can 'throw her out'. This is not the case and it's important she understands the Matrimonial Homes Act gives her protection and she will have entitlement to some of the property and funds and pension sharing in the event of a divorce. Probably more than 50 % as there are children.

Whelp. Later in the string she says earns 1600 a month. He over 4000. She’s paying over 1/3 of the bills, closer to half.

one commenter did the calculation : after he pay his share of the bills, he has 2K for himself a month.

she pays her share? She has nothing left for herself c

so she earns 25% of the overall income, does all the childcare and pays close to half the bills and has nothing left for herself.

he earns 75% of the income, pays 50% of the bills, does no childcare and has 2K for himself to spend on what he likes each month.

THAT is controlling.

How can she be paying half of the bills? She pays 33% of the mortgage and food bills. He pays for everything else. How can their monthly food bill be more than their energy bills, insurances, car, water, council tax, etc, to such an extent that she's paying 50% of their bills. How much are they eating for goodness sake!

OP I'm so glad you told him about the debt, and that he didn't react nearly as badly as you expected him to, but what I don't get is why you now don't ask him to help you learn about the best ways to deal with your money. Teach you about how mortgages etc., work. Presumably he does understand these things, and if not, then you should learn together. You MUST learn to talk about money with him, tell him how bad things were when you were growing up, and how your parents were useless with money, and hence haven't taught you the best spending/saving habits either. I also think that having made the big confession, now is the perfect time to start discussing things openly, otherwise you're likely to end up in the same mess over and over again, and while he might have forgiven you this time, I doubt very much whether he would if you get into a mess again, particularly after he's helped you sort it out this time.

I’m concerned you transfer money to him to pay a mortgage you’re not even on while he earns 70k, has 70k savings and you earn 25k and are already skint this month. You aren’t his lodger, you’ve just had his child, fgs. It would seem you are paying a higher percentage into the household than is fair if he can save that much. Are the savings in joint names? It’s easy for him to not see how people have to borrow money on his salary. 4k is nothing. Ideally you wouldn’t have felt you had to lie about it, but it’s not the crime of the century and if he’s as controlling as he sounds financially I can see why you didn’t tell him. He would be barking mad to end a marriage over 4k, and to not realise he’s made you scared to be more truthful. If it was 5Ok maybe.