DH is going to find out about my CC debt isn’t he.

[Blueskyfordays]

PLEASE, PLEASE not a pile on.

I have £4K of CC debt, tbh I have no idea how I’ve even accumulated it over the years but here we are. Minimum payments are £150 a month, I pay off £200-£250 a month but it has a fairly high interest rate (about £80 a month interest charges) husband doesn’t know, we have separate bank accounts with my wages going into mine and his going into his. I just transfer him money for mortgage and bills.

I have never been on our mortgage, mainly because DH can easily afford the mortgage himself and this house was his before we married. We married a couple of years ago.

Mortgage now up for renewal, he said a couple of months ago he wanted to put me on the mortgage. I didn’t say anything, hoping he’d forget/ change his mind.

This morning, the new provider that he’s gone to a quote for rang him and he said he wanted to put his wife on the mortgage too and I had to give some details, name, DOB, job title, current salary etc.

Between us we earn £98k and we would be looking to take out a mortgage of £240,000.

The man on the phone thanked him for the details and said someone will be in touch.

Will they ask/ tell him about the debt? 😭😭 I know people will say I should have told him/ should tell him but I pay it every month, I’ve never missed a payment, it comes out of my wage and if I was spending £200 a month on clothes and shoes (I don’t!) I wouldn’t tell him, so long as I could afford it.

I was just hoping to get it all paid off in the next 2-3 years with him being none the wiser 😞

You’re so scared of his financial control because your financial lives are not equal.

Calm down. I meant the advisor wasn’t going to ring up and say Op has £X CC debt so no mortgage leaving OP to suddenly explain to DH on the spot. Never said lie or omit or underplay or exaggerate earnings or debts. The advice was that the urgency could be taken out of the situation and Op could explain to DH in their own time. Wow.

It must be like living in egg shells 4k of debt is manageable put it on a 0% deal. Are you paying half bills or proportion to your salary? You need to be more assertive in your relationship fearing he will leave you over this is not a good place to be.

Honestly 4k debt is nothing compared to somethings. Dh wouldn't bat an eyelid. But we talk about these things and share finances so if we needed to use 4k on a cc he would know and if I made that decision for whatever without him he would trust I had a reason for it. And vice versa. He shouldn't quiz you on your.soending if he found out. He earns a lot more than you and sounds like finances aren't 50/50 so how do you buy things for yourself?

This is absolutely crazy of what is a relatively small amount of debt. Do you think this is anxiety talking or would he genuinely be that controlling?

How would it work? Would I have to pay anything right now? I’ve just paid my £250 for this months CC payment and I haven’t got my first pay yet from my first month back after Mat leave so I’m pretty broke, I couldn’t really be doing another £200 payment or whatever tonight if I transferred it over. I think that’s also why I haven’t ever transferred it, because I’m useless with things like this and have never been taught as my parents are also useless with money 😞

You add the 3% transfer fee so £120 to your transfer so it would show as £4120 over the O% period. It’s so easy and instant.

https://www.clearscore.com/

sign up to this it’s free

Check on money supermarket and only apply to 98 or 100% pre approved. Normally a one off fee but you don't pay it now. You can get say 2 years and then pay the balance evenly over that time, 200 would cover 4800 which sounds like enough to cover it plus the say 3% fee.
It's super easy. I recommend Virgin or sainsburys.

Thanks. Does it affect your credit rating if you sign up?

Eh? It's always the husband's fault, you must have learnt that by now. 😀

You pay nothing now or even until 24 months is up that's the whole point. But sensibly pay it off, if you can't balance transfer again. Never pay monthly interest!

My sister confided in me last year that she had run up 20k debts on credit cards that her DH knew nothing about. It took her a while to pluck up the courage to tell him for the same reasons you are hesitating. She was on tenterhooks all the time in case he found out.

However, she finally told him at the beginning of this year and, whilst there were some harsh words and long discussions, he didn't throw her out but he paid off the bill and made her cut up all the cards.

She said the relief when she had finally told him was immense, and even the worry about what he would say/do wasn't worth carrying the secret on her own. Now they are in their new home with no,debts and no secrets and she says she finally feels relaxed and happy again.

Even if you think you can hide it for a bit longer, it's so bad for your well-being to be living with fear of being found out or fear of being left. That's no way to live. I hope you find a way to tell him and that everything works out for you.

Luckily, personal finance is actually fairly easy to learn DIY - the moneysavingexpert site will tell you everything you’d need to know and more, and has loads of forums too to ask advice. No question too silly.

If you balance transfer now, you won’t need to make a payment until they give you a statement, in 30 days usually. The fee to balance transfer will get added to your balance, so if you can transfer the whole £4,000 then a 3% fee will get added and your balance on the new card will be £4,120.

It’s important to learn all this because a) knowledge is power and b) it lessens the fear.

Why are you lying to him? Marriage is based on trust. Are you afraid if the debt is cleared by him, you will just rack up another debt?
It’s obvious you don’t see yourselves as a team if you can’t be honest

I haven’t got my first pay yet from my first month back after Mat leave so I’m pretty broke

How much money has DH been transferring to you during mat leave? I assume you haven't had to pay the mortgage and bills while you've been producing and looking after your joint child?

How are you broke while he has 80K? Just how?

But have you been together and he's let you pay back 10k including interest charges ? You have a child and savings? Why didn't he clear them?

A DH problem? He has no idea about the debt, so how on Earth is it an issue with him?

I know this is MN and men are the enemy, but this is the silliest post I’ve seen for a while.
If a man hid debt like this, you’d be waiting to lynch them for being dishonest.

1. It’s easy to transfer to a 0% card you should defo look into doing this

2. In my experience of applying for a joint mortgage my husband didn’t get involved in the affordability check at all. I did the application with a broker and gave them all the details, I sent over the evidence/ID etc and all husband had to do was sign the agreement. So if you don’t want him to find out take over the application process.

Be aware if you do a balance transfer, you're going to be sent a new credit card. You are going to need to find a solution to your situation with DH first. I'm not sure what that resolution would be.

I also fear him constantly wanting to know every single thing I spend/ buy in the future (I guess I’d deserve that to be fair)

That would be financial abuse.

That's not true. The card is 0% interest but OP would still need to make at least the minimum payment on the balance each month. But OP, the first payment won't be due when you transfer, it's generally a month later.

I think all these comments about it being a DH problem are wide of the mark.

The OP had 13k debt when she met her DH. Would anyone really expect a person in a new relationship to smile cheerfully and pay off pre-existing debt?

Then the OP lied about the amount, and then she added to that amount without telling her DH.

I get why she did all of these things and I don't think they make her a bad person or anything like that - but I also think it is a huge stretch to twist this into blaming her DH. He pays the whole of the mortgage on the house; it's clearly not a situation where the OP is paying half of everything and he's screwing her over.

I’d be delaying it- it’s your debt. Say you want to wait 2 years cos you want to treat yourself

I love the way it's still the DH's fault, even when he didn't know anything about it.

OP had 13K of debt when they first met. She told him it was 10K and he would have thought that was therefore cleared by the 10K her parents gave her.

He can't clear debts or stop OP paying interest on debts he doesn't know exist.

I was in debt up to my eyeballs & the mortgage was in my name only, I never had any problems renewing when the time was up. As long as you are making the repayments, there shouldn't be a problem.