DH is going to find out about my CC debt isn’t he.

[Blueskyfordays]

PLEASE, PLEASE not a pile on.

I have £4K of CC debt, tbh I have no idea how I’ve even accumulated it over the years but here we are. Minimum payments are £150 a month, I pay off £200-£250 a month but it has a fairly high interest rate (about £80 a month interest charges) husband doesn’t know, we have separate bank accounts with my wages going into mine and his going into his. I just transfer him money for mortgage and bills.

I have never been on our mortgage, mainly because DH can easily afford the mortgage himself and this house was his before we married. We married a couple of years ago.

Mortgage now up for renewal, he said a couple of months ago he wanted to put me on the mortgage. I didn’t say anything, hoping he’d forget/ change his mind.

This morning, the new provider that he’s gone to a quote for rang him and he said he wanted to put his wife on the mortgage too and I had to give some details, name, DOB, job title, current salary etc.

Between us we earn £98k and we would be looking to take out a mortgage of £240,000.

The man on the phone thanked him for the details and said someone will be in touch.

Will they ask/ tell him about the debt? 😭😭 I know people will say I should have told him/ should tell him but I pay it every month, I’ve never missed a payment, it comes out of my wage and if I was spending £200 a month on clothes and shoes (I don’t!) I wouldn’t tell him, so long as I could afford it.

I was just hoping to get it all paid off in the next 2-3 years with him being none the wiser 😞

Yes we were told when applying for a mortgage not to apply for any new credit cards. Proceed with caution OP, don’t make any hasty decisions…

4K is not awful .can I ask why you are scared of telling him ? I don’t tell hubby everything I spend money on

She isn't in poverty!! She has lied to her DH about her debt since the beginning of their marriage, and they are sitting on £80,000 of savings! CAP is to help people on the bones of their arse ffs.

You can’t just add a name to the title deeds if there is a mortgage.

The lender has a legal first charge and nothing can be changed without their agreement.

I know @StellaJohanna
But they know a lot about financial matters and would be willing to give OP advice.

She's scared of telling him because he doesn't believe in debt, or spending money for that matter. He's controlling with money and questions every purchase. He doesn't spend money, so thinks she shouldn't either.

It's also quite likely that the OP has a lot less spare money than he does, so she's bound to get into debt, because she just doesn't have the resources for normal lifestyle spending, that is likely to be easily affordable on their income, given that he's amassed £80k of savings. In situations like this, it's usually the case that the wife spends a lot of what should be her personal money on clothes, shoes etc for DC. Because that's something else that the husband doesn't believe in buying.

Slightly off the question you're asking OP, but I'm a bit concerned about the whole not being on the deeds thing. If the house is in your husbands name, then unless you complete a transfer of equity which I think will require the services of a solicitor, then you will have no straight claim on the house. Transfer of equity cost around £500 for us 13 years ago. Surely being on the mortgage without name on deeds just means you have another financial liability?

I am not sure you can prevent it. If I were hum I would be seriously
pissed off about it. It would destroy my trust. Did you have this when you got married?

I would tell him if I were you. Then at least you are nit going to get caught out. If you are caught out after going to lengths to conceal it, it will be worse.

If your husband kicks you out over a 4K CC debt, when he has 80k in savings and together you earn 100k, something is very wrong in your marriage. You’re paying 80 quid a month interest whilst 80 thousand is just sat there? Bonkers!

I also can’t believe your happy not being on the mortgage or the deeds. I think you need to stand up for yourself and say ‘look, I want to be on the mortgage and the deeds, but I have got a few grand on a credit card. It was my wedding dress and a few bits for the wedding and to get me through maternity leave. I was thinking, can we take some money out the savings to clear my 4k debt and I’ll pay back £250 in to the savings per month rather than paying the bank? Good idea? I know you hate being in debt and so do I, but the wedding ran away with me a bit.

I agree that it sounds like your DH is looking out for you wanting to put you on the mortgage. I think you're better off telling him before he finds out. I agree about being cautious about applying for a new credit card. I also don't think £4k of managed debt would count against you that much.

Sounds like you're trying really hard to be responsible and pay off your credit but the interest is holding you back. Could you talk about it with your husband and explain that you know he hates debt and didn't want to disappoint him (or something like that) and suggest you pay off the credit card using savings and you put what you've been paying on the credit cards back into savings?

If your DH earns more than you, once you've contributed to joint bills do you have have the same disposable cash left or are you in a vicious cycle of paying your CC and then spending it again that month? What about when you were on mat leave? If this is the situation then maybe you need to ask that savings pays off your credit card and leave it at that, bit of an amnesty if you haven't had as much to live on as he has.

Do you really think your DH will end your marriage over this?

I agree with @Karrpt regarding applying now. One of the main pieces of advice you see when looking into applying for a mortgage is to not apply for any new credit, ideally in 6 months leading up to application. You would run the risk of being rejected, even if it does lower the monthly payment. Lenders will look at the level debt in general (whilst also considering monthly payments), so at this stage it probably doesn't matter whether it's 4k against existing credit card or a new one.

I think it is time to be honest, I'm sure he wouldn't leave, maybe annoyed about the lying but I'm sure most of us would be if it is lies that go back years.

The amount of credit you have isn’t particularly high. My oh works in banking and regularly sees much higher credit card/loan amounts for people who earn far less than you. I don’t think that’s the issue.
The issue is you’ve lied. I’d be furious if I found out my oh has a secret credit card he didn’t tell me about. I wouldn’t care about the money as long as the minimum payments were affordable but I’d be struggling to trust him.
That is what you need to address. And if you have savings surely it would make sense to use what is a relatively small amount to clear the card than gain £80 interest a month?
I’m finding it a bit hard to understand how you’ve created this situation to be honest.

God the issues here are myriad.

1. You never properly addressed money issues from day 1. Before you married you should have disclosed your debt. It wasn't a huge issue, just needed a plan for repayment. You should have had a budget for your wedding - not you putting certain amounts on your credit card.

1. You are clearly still not budgeting or managing money jointly, several years on & with a DC. This is madness, especially with a child.

1. I'm in Ireland not the UK. Under family law, you are entitled to a share / entitlement in the property by virtue of being married, and especially as you have a dependent. However if the property is not jointly owned, as in your case, the level of entitlement will vary based on circumstances (eg level of financial contribution, duration of marriage). You need financial and legal advice about ensuring you are on the deeds & have a clear understanding of your entitlement. I appreciate your H is trying to achieve this, but he is wholly incorrect to suggest that if he died you'd be thrown out of the house.

1. It appears that you are not being properly supported by your H given the disparity in salary & you saying you have no money.

You need to get advice for yourself first & take it from there.

OP has been extremely clear that most of the debt was incurred before she met her DH and the rest was on her wedding dress and other bits. None of it has gone on clothes, shoes etc for the DC.

OP is scared of telling her DH because she knows it will come out that she lied to him originally and by ommission by letting him think the debt was paid off.

OP for goodness sake stop burying your head in the sand. He is not a good husband if you can't talk to him, it's as simple as that. If you're afraid of facing him to tell him, then why not write him a letter? You could say something like

I have something to tell you, which I've kept to myself up until now, because I am embarrassed and ashamed. Also, in all honesty, I am afraid of your reaction, as I know how you feel about debt.

So, here goes, I have got myself in a bit of a mess with my credit card. I didn't used to have much on it, but then we got married, and I put my wedding dress and some other bits on it for the children, etc., and before I knew it, it was up to £4,000. I am gradually paying it down, but have realised recently that I'm paying a lot in interest, and with us wanting to get another mortgage, I am hoping that you can help me work out a better way of paying it off. I would like to be clear, I am not asking you to pay it off for me, as I can handle it, but would just like your advice on how to pay it off more quickly, as I've never really been taught about these things, and feel out of my depth.

Hopefully, if you leave it somewhere for him to find while you're out, he'll have time to read it, and calm down before you have to face him. Then, if he's as good a husband as you think, he may well say, 'look, I know you've said you want to pay it yourself, but if you've been paying a lot of interest, why don't we just pay it off before we start the new mortgage, and then we can begin with a clean slate'. If not, at least he knows, and will hopefully help you sort out the best way to pay it off more quickly and cheaply.

I do hope this helps OP, but it's time to get this out in the open. You're a mother now, and need to learn to advocate for your children, which you'll never be able to do, if you can't stand up for yourself with your own husband.

It's also quite likely that the OP has a lot less spare money than he does, so she's bound to get into debt, because she just doesn't have the resources for normal lifestyle spending

Whilst that might be true, you're ignoring the fact that she already had this debt and told her husband she had cleared it all with the money she was gifted from her parents. At that stage he thought they were moving forward on a level playing field. OP then added more debt on top, which has spiralled somewhat.

The huge reach on MN 🤣🤣

He is your husband, not your boss. He doesn't get to be "strict" with you; you've had his child and are struggling on maternity pay while there is £80k in the bank?
That's not right.

These suggestions are excellent.

You shouldn't be married to anyone you have to be afraid of. Is he older than you or from a patriarchal culture or ??

Just tell him it was your dress and other things, and you've diligently been trying to pay it down. Don't agree to future surveillance over your spending and purchases.

I mean if the mortgage advisor was worth their salt they'd ask for a report for both of you from something like checkmyfile which goes to 3 credit agencies. If they apply and put "0" for debt you won't even get an agreement in principle. You'll have to tell him.

OP you sound really awful with money. You've been paying 200 to 300 quid (can't figure out if the £80 interest is included) per month for years, and your debt has hardly moved from 4k to 3k? Why don't you just chuck banknotes into the Thames instead?

Debt might be one of this "things" but if you're in an otherwise healthy relationship maybe it's worth it to suffer the initial storm just to get some help and guidance on a better plan? Otherwise speak to someone you know who's more financially literate

You need to tell him, for both of you.
Hiding a secret like that can easily lead to anxiety/ paranoia/ feeling like you're looking over your shoulder all the time.
It's no way to live.
Before you know it your worries of how he'll react will likely be off the scale and bear no relation quite probably to what his reaction would actually be.
Make it your thing to learn the ways of how your finances can work for you, not vice versa. Not living with looking over your shoulder is such freedom. Living without debt is such freedom.
Saving a rainy day buffer is like a weight has lifted.
Face the music. Be brave.

What's with the quote marks? It IS her debt!

you earn combined nearly £100k and you’re worried about £4K on a card?

it’s so small compared to your overall income I really wouldn’t be worrying about it.

i think you have a DH problem.