DH is going to find out about my CC debt isn’t he.

[Blueskyfordays]

PLEASE, PLEASE not a pile on.

I have £4K of CC debt, tbh I have no idea how I’ve even accumulated it over the years but here we are. Minimum payments are £150 a month, I pay off £200-£250 a month but it has a fairly high interest rate (about £80 a month interest charges) husband doesn’t know, we have separate bank accounts with my wages going into mine and his going into his. I just transfer him money for mortgage and bills.

I have never been on our mortgage, mainly because DH can easily afford the mortgage himself and this house was his before we married. We married a couple of years ago.

Mortgage now up for renewal, he said a couple of months ago he wanted to put me on the mortgage. I didn’t say anything, hoping he’d forget/ change his mind.

This morning, the new provider that he’s gone to a quote for rang him and he said he wanted to put his wife on the mortgage too and I had to give some details, name, DOB, job title, current salary etc.

Between us we earn £98k and we would be looking to take out a mortgage of £240,000.

The man on the phone thanked him for the details and said someone will be in touch.

Will they ask/ tell him about the debt? 😭😭 I know people will say I should have told him/ should tell him but I pay it every month, I’ve never missed a payment, it comes out of my wage and if I was spending £200 a month on clothes and shoes (I don’t!) I wouldn’t tell him, so long as I could afford it.

I was just hoping to get it all paid off in the next 2-3 years with him being none the wiser 😞

That seems a bit of a reach for a £4k debt. Surely at most he'd be annoyed he didn't know but unless there's a huge back story why would you think that he'd react like that

With that level of interest, I'm guessing it's payday loans or something like that. Have you accumulated this debt while married to him? Is there a history of you not being great with managing money? Tbh if my husband racked up 4 grand worth of debt behind my back then I wouldn't be too pleased either.

Why are you paying so much in interest?! Just move it to a 0% card by balance transfer at £250 a month you'll clear it in 16 months. I dread to think how much interest you've already paid.
You need to tell your husband you have a credit card you are paying off. With your income it's not a vast sum and shouldn't affect your mortgage application. Especially if his credit his squeaky clean, most lenders are more favourable to two incomes.

The likelihood of this story is that

you earn less than him
yet contribute proportionally more to bills
so have less disposable income
were on maternity leave reduced funds
and buy/spend on the baby

and that’s where this relatively small debt has come from.

You should tell him, work towards a more equal financial life, and get on the mortgage.

You’re not a bad person for being in debt.

Tell him, asap.

I've been the partner in your husband's situation and honestly, what hurts is not the debt but the deceit. It is fine to admit you have debt that got out of control. IMO, it is not fine to try to cover it up by finding excuses why you don't want to be on the mortgage.

Personally, I think if my partner had never had debt issues previously, and had never expected me to help her with them, I would be shocked but not horrified. I think if you explain to him you had a coherent plan to pay it off (which you do), and admit you felt ashamed of telling him, he ought to have some patience with you. We all do stupid things and getting into debt is the stupid thing you did - I bet he's done stupid things of his own.

I've got to say I am wondering what the context is here, that makes you feel so scared? It's totally understandable if it's just the debt itself, but if there's more, it might help to talk?

I earn £25k, he earns just over £70k

I was in 13k debt years ago when I first met him. But I told him it was £10k (I have no idea why I told him that, I guess I was embarrassed that it was over £10k) My parents gave me £10k, I paid off £10k of it but was left with £3k which I was then just secretly paying off but then we got married and I put my dress and a couple of other bits onto the CC so the debt went up to about 5.5k. I’ve been paying it off since and have got it down to 4K but it is so hard with the interest.

He (I guess we) have about 80k in savings so yes, he could easily pay it off. But he HATES debt and genuinely cannot understand how people get into debt.

It won’t just be the debt, it’ll be the lying and keeping it from him which I totally get 😞 but I just keep thinking I can handle it.

I applied or for a 0% card about 3 years ago and was denied and have been too scared to apply since as I know even that affects your credit rating.

Oh, gosh, that's a heck of an update.

Have you had any help for the debt issues? Any counselling or advice?

I think you really need to tell him. Frankly, he probably already assumes that's the issue and will be fretting about how much it is. It's not fair on him.

4k isn't a lot especially if you're paying off a few hundred each month. Definitely move to a 0% card though- why have you already?! Madness to pay interest on credit!

OK, so you actually DO know how and why it occurred.

You’ll have to fess up, and you’ll have to say you’ve lied and covered it up because you were ashamed and also because his attitude is difficult for you handle because you feel like he thinks you’re stupid.

With that amount in savings it is an ENORMOUS waste of money paying interest and that’s what he’ll be most focused on, I’d imagine.

There's a section on money saving expert that shows how likely you would be accepted for a card or not (all cards on offer) so it would definitely be worth doing that and if there's a high likelihood on a particular 0% interest (and ideally 0% fee ) then select that!

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/

Why don’t you transfer it to a interest free credit card and that way you won’t be paying £80 a month interest ??

Can you borrow the money from your parents again and pay them instead?

My mortgage provider asked about any outgoing payments including cc.

Maybe you need to be honest with him.bb

the mortgage provider will credit check you - they won't just rely on what you or him tell them.

How much are your joint expenses (mortgage, bills, food, household maintenance, holidays all child costs etc etc) and what percentage do you pay?

How much money do you have to spend on yourself? Ideally you should have the same amount as he does.

Who does the most cooking, cleaning, childcare and household management? If you're doing that, it's also a valuable contribution, justifying any lower financial contribution you make.

You in debt while he is a high earner with savings suggests that finances aren't being shared fairly. You're in debt because you have less money than him, am I right?

But apply for another 0% card, use the eligibility calculator to see which you should get. Then set up a standing order for £1 more than the current minimum - if you pay the minimum, there's a marker on your account, so it looks better if you pay slightly more.

You need to be honest. But you also need to be assertive. He has massive savings, you have a small amount of debt. It is easy for him to pay that off, make you whole, start on a better path together.

You need to stop judging yourself by his standards. You've been paying diligently, for years.

Just as an aside, what proportions of the mortgage so you pay from your MUCH smaller wages? And why did you pay for your wedding dress?

As a married couple it is absolutely bonkers sitting on 80K worth of saving while you try and secretly pay off what is a relatively small amount of debt but with a massive whack of interest slowing you down. You also have a heck of a wage discrepancy - are bills and outgoings reflective of that? It’s worrying if you feel you can’t talk about this to him to be honest.

I’ve just gone onto MSE, put in my details and have got this.

The trouble is I’m too scared to click apply to any of them in case they reject me again! Especially now with this going on but yes, I should be transferred the balance years ago I know, I did try!

The 6 month one wouldn’t be great but I guess it would be better than nothing.

He (I guess we) have about 80k in savings so yes, he could easily pay it off. But he HATES debt and genuinely cannot understand how people get into debt.

As I suspected. To use the old cliche, you don't have a debt problem, you have a DH problem.

4k on a credit card that you are steadily paying off is fairly normal. I ran up that much a few years ago when Shit Happened and I was on half your income. Maybe you could be a bit more savvy, get a 0%, whatever, but still.

Feeling the need to hide such a relatively modest debt from your partner is not normal. Do you fear him "punishing" you somehow?

I think you have more problems than the debt. If you genuinely think he would kick you out for 4k debt then he isn't worth it. Why did you put the dress on the CC if he has enough money and savings? Why are your finances seperate when you earn a lot less than him. This isn't the right way to live op because you are scared of him.

I fear him ending our marriage. That’s why I’ve never told him.

I also fear him constantly wanting to know every single thing I spend/ buy in the future (I guess I’d deserve that to be fair) but I swear to god, I’d I could just clear this bloody debt I’d never touch a CC or any type of debt again and I do truly mean that.

95% chance of approval - you should do this right now.

Are you mad? If you have 80k in savings wtf are you doing paying 80 quid interest a month! Just tell him and he'll pay it off right now.
If you are married you have joint finances surely you're not paying 50 50 on a mortgage you are not even on? I imagine he will think you have been a daft twat, he might not realise how little money you have. If not then you should leave anyway.

Eh? OP has kept the debt a secret from her husband all these years. He has no idea she is constantly in debt.