To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

[daufhtercrusus]

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

And the fact that her mortgage is fixed until 2027 is great - she'll be past the expensive childcare years by then and it will be easier to work full time if she chooses to.

Op, in the nicest possible way it really isn't any of your business. All you can do is be really clear with your ADULT daughter that you wouldn't be in a position to help her if she gets into difficulty and then butt out

She's got space for a lodger if she needs funds.

I paid £50 less per month for literally 50% of the bedrooms she has. I manage she will, and I completely understand why she’s gone four days a week because I literally have zero quality of life when I work five

Your daughter is a grown adult. Her financial decisions are pretty much none of your business. If you were in a position to help and felt reluctant to give such help in the face of financial decisions that you consider irresponsible then that might be relevant, but your daughter would be perfectly entitled to choose to deal with things without your help especially if the help was conditional on changing her mind on decisions that work for her. Given that you can't help anyway, you basically aren't involved so keep your opinions to yourself.

If she is getting a decent salary then 4 days a week is fine. This is no time to start marketing a property and moving house.

I think I would be more worried about the GC whose father has decided he wants nothing to do with her tbh.

I think if you've experienced one set of economic circumstances while raising your children it's very difficult to imagine them being in a different position. My mum (single parent) raised us, she has never owned her own home, lives in an LA flat, has rarely earned enough to pay income tax most years. She is amazing in many ways but she doesn't have a clue about mortgages or professional incomes. She got very funny when my sister (graduate professional, well paid DH) upgrading to a detached home. Surely it was enough that she HAD a home. Why did she want to move? Could she afford it? The tone was a bit 'getting above your station are we?' I would certainly never tell her what my salary / mortgage / house value is - she would have a conniption. I once mentioned that I didn't qualify for child benefit and she twitched all day.

LOL OP you sound like the ILs shocked at us buying an 'expensive house".. a 4 bed at similar prices to your daughter's.
It's 2023 not 1993. This is what housing costs!

Honestly I pay 980 on my mortgage for a 2 bedroom semi in the south west, not in a very expensive location (I’m not coastal or in a city/tourist area)
I think she’s got a good deal.
i earn about twenty four grand a year, and get by on my own on that salary.

you sound dreadfully controlling and condescending. Your daughter is an adult.

explain Ii are not in a position to help out financially if she approaches you. But apart from that don’t interfere. She should be able to manage her own finances.

society often infantilises women - leave her to make her own decisions - and if it is a mistake she can manage the fall out.

DS looking at at around 800k for a doer upper. We bought a similar one for 150k 25 years ago.

We managed and paid off the mortgage early.

Have faith in your child

I'm so glad you're not my mum. Jesus.

Yes we have bailed her out before and her ex partner is not a high earner and now he has his own place to pay for too. We have reasons to be worried!

You sound completely out of touch with the current state of the housing market and don't actually know your daughter's financial situation.
You have a very unrealistic idea of what mortgages/houses cost now.

If you are going to offer advice it really does need to be based on some actual facts and knowledge.

I suggest though that you actually just keep out of it because your panicking and worrying will not help her.

Support her and be there if she needs it but let her sort her own finances out. As others have said, she's managed to buy a house on her own and has a job so I'm sure she's more than capable of working out what's best.

This. I see that you're concerned; but keep your nose out of her business. You are so out of touch it's unreal. Do you not read newspapers/ watch news/ read online?

I have a similar story to PP: I separated from my husband when my DC were 2 and 4; I kept on a big mortgage; I worked 3 days a week and tutored in the evenings; I had maintenance; I got tax credits. Yes it was tough, but I got through it. I reassured my parents I was doing fine, just like yours has. I even managed to buy him out once the DC were both at school. I just don't get the big deal. Let her live her life and stop being a worry wort.

I'm sure others have pointed it out, but yes, £1,100 is good for a bed house. £500pcm is likely unrealistic in the extreme, not to mention if she had to get a new mortgage now the interest rate will be more expensive than the rate she got when she purchased so payments will never be as low as YOU think they should be.

Please stop adding to her stress with your unwanted opinions on how foolish she is, and just support her. If she struggles with making payments in the future, she'll deal with it like an adult and you can say you cannot help then. At no point should you say "we told you so..." or anything similar. Her life has just been turned upside down, give her some thinking space and support her.

Well there’s a surprise

It’s about 1200 to rent a 3 bed here (south west non popular town) so I really think her mortgage is normal but my own mum is horrified by our monthly payments.

If she bought the house in her name and her income I don’t really understand what all the fuss is. She should be able to afford the payments alone, if she can’t she can do something about it. You freaking out prematurely isn’t helpful.
Plus cutting down to 4 days is hardly “drastic”.

Im utterly baffled at people saying £1k+ a month is a normal mortgage, especially for a 1 income part time household and benefits don't actually pay out that much... Im guessing you all live in places like London because that would be batshit round here.

She's likely factored in Universal credit and child maintenance which doesn't affect her benefits at all, and decided she can afford it.

mind 👏 your 👏own 👏business 👏

All of this.

And this whole, we are North of the Midlands stuff. Are you saying there's no houses North of London that have a mortgage of over £1000? How utterly ridiculous. There are plenty of us in the North paying high house prices and subsequent high mortgages, believe you me.

If she’s in a fix until 2027, downsizing right now probably isn’t an option.

Aside from the market conditions, she’ll likely have early repayment charges until 2027.

Her mortgage might be portable, but usually if you borrow less than your original mortgage amount, you’d still have to pay the early repayment charges on the difference.

So, she’d loose her home as well as her relationship, potentially loose some of the equity in her current home if she can’t sell at a reasonable amount, still have a high payment monthly & have paid a high amount of ercs.

If she does struggle, surely she could get a new job/go back full time?

If he child is 2.5 she's also got subsidised hours for nursery kicking in soon. It could be a few months after 3 depending on the actual birthday. Our DS is similar age and we are looking forward to Jan cutting our bill in half (Nov baby).

That would be a mortgage of around £100k, sounds like the real issue is you are out of touch at how much things costs.