To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

[daufhtercrusus]

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

😂 I love the judgement. I am a single adult in a four bedroom. How excessive is that??

Sorry but you sound like you are treating your adult daughter with her own child like a silly teenager who’s spending all her money on clothes/make up/going out. If she managed to save up to buy her own home, I’m sure she will quite quickly realise whether or not she can afford to live now her ex has moved out. You absolutely do not have to help her out financially IF things become tight, so maybe you should just calm down and let her sort this out herself.

I’m a single parent and my mortgage is way more than that. Needs must!

I do work full time but then my children are both at school (I’ve always worked full time though)

I'm in the NW and my mortgage (3 bed) is over £1000.

ONS shows that average monthly mortgage payment in December 2022 is £1262 for an average priced property on a 25 year term at the-then interest rate of 5.05% with a 25% deposit.

Have a look on RightMove and see how much rent is for her area.

www.rightmove.co.uk

£1100 would be a studio flat here, so I think your daughter may have a point

I have calculated it for you: provided that he doesn’t have any other children, and has overnight contact with the child 2-3 times a week, he would be expected to pay £267ish a month on a £32000 a year salary.

It may make sense for her to continue working full time as if she works more than 30 hrs she might get a good extra in universal credit.

I was in the situation your DD was years ago and decided to stay in my probably too big house. I calculated that as long as the mortgage payment was less than what it would cost me to rent a small 2 bedroom apartment we were better off… and we were, within 3 years the rents had increased by 30% while my mortgage payments remained the same and eventually were much cheaper than what I would have to pay to rent a bedsit.

The house has been expensive to keep but, it is cheaper than a flat (yes, gas is expensive but warming up a small flat with just electricity might be as expensive and at the house I don’t have to pay ground maintenance fees, a possibly higher council tax, etc).

At times when I struggled, I got a short term lodger to help with the expenses. That has been enough to cover all the bills at difficult times.

She can calculate how much help she could get using the calculator at entitledto.co.uk, I strongly recommend that she checks it and apply ASAP.

Christ, another one. It's not batshit. I'm in Scotland, there's plenty of high prices here, and I'm just back from Northumberland (my favourite place in the UK) where I dream of living at the coast, but could no way, ever afford what I would like to live in (there was a 3 bed terrace with a for sale sign outside with a QR code on it- it was £750,000).

Where do you live? The 1950s?

I get your drift OP. If she's on £40k, that works out at £32k 4 days a week. Take home monthly £2148 a month. It's generally advised to try not to exceed 30 percent of your net income on housing costs (though I know many people are being pushed beyond that now). I don't know what benefits she'd be entitled to. But it would be very tough - even without the running costs of a 4 bed.

But it's not really up to you though and I'd be careful about telling her what to do. As others have said she has so much to handle right now and her head might not be straight. And a man who says they want nothing to do with their child is no kind of man - she shouldn't expect he will pay maintenance.

She can change her mind any time as she sees the realities. Don't tell her I told you so if she does and be there for her as much as you can.

We live on the English/Welsh border in a fairly 'cheap' area, we pay nearly £1500 for a 3 bed. I suspect London is far higher. £500 sounds like another world.

Where I live £1100 would be just barely enough to rent a small 1 bedroom flat or a fancy tiny student studio. And no, I am nowhere near London.

Honestly you sound very off in your response. Presumably she knows how much she earns and how much alternative housing would cost.
It’s usually much cheaper to pay a mortgage than rent, and moving costs may make downsizes not worth it - especially if she is on a fixed rate deal.

If you genuinely want to support her financial planning then offer to pay for an independent financial advisor. They will give her correct advice and you can go back to being a supportive parent rather than micromanaging her finances.

😆

I would tell her (or reiterate if you’ve already told her) that you are not in a position to help out financially. Better if she knows upfront.

You really don't need to worry OP, I'm sure she'll be just fine with the benefits she'll now be entitled to as a result of her decision to allow the taxpayer to pay for her lifestyle choices.

Out of interest I just searched for rentals in my area for £500 or less. The only things on offer are bedsits and houseshares - and even then there were fewer than 10 results. The areas they're in weren't great either.

Oh now that's really lulu. 🤪

Exactly, without her income to put this in context, how on earth can we answer.

pre covid a mortgage of £1000+ was unfathomable for a family home, owned by average earners. Now unfortunately it’s very much the norm.

A typical rental here was £500 per month. Now it’s £1000 at least!

And just to add OP, you sound worried for yourself not your daughter! Perhaps you need to make it very clear to her that you won’t be able to assist financially should the shit hit the fan. Just so she is aware and you’re satisfied that you’ve made this clear!

Worst comes to worst a couple of lodgers would help matters greatly. If she is clever enough to earn 40k then I am sure she can figure the rest out.

The OP has said she thinks she earns approx 40k.

WHEN did you bail her out last? I assume she has a history for making reckless decisions that you have to fix given you have so little faith in her being able to work out her own finances. Despite earning well enough to get a mortgage alone for a 4 bed.

Is he not the child's Dad? you say it was a short lived relationship, they weren't together long but they have a 3 yo

As for youd never pay over £500, good job you aren't renting. I'm in the Midlands, £500 would barely get you a 2 bed flat.

This would worry me as well - £1100 mortgage on a 40k income is high. In the current climate, with interest rates increasing and people still trying to sell their homes for what they were worth over a year ago, it’s a bad time for the housing market. So I can see why your daughter wants to stay where she is for now. Probably best to support the decisions she is making and only offer an opinion if she asks for it. Your daughter is an adult with her own child so it’s important to treat her as such and worry ‘quietly’ .

But she doesn't actually know what she earns.