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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

483 replies

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:42

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

OP posts:
sigfey · 14/07/2023 17:44

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:42

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

Where is this?

In London/South West you'd be paying more to rent a 1 bed flat

I'm shocked it's so low !

SiobahnRoy · 14/07/2023 17:45

My student daughter pays this for a room in a shared flat, you need to wind your neck in OP

FairAcre · 14/07/2023 17:45

I have no idea what my children’s mortgage payments are. You are too involved in your daughter’s life. It really isn’t any of your business. She can take a lodger or maybe she will decide to downsize herself but it is her decision and nothing to do with you.

Quartz2208 · 14/07/2023 17:45

you would not get anything for 500 a month mortgage now not with the current interest rates and not much renting

pkus he may not want anything to do with his daughter but CMS would disagree

MRex · 14/07/2023 17:47

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:55

@NewmummyJ we are not sure, we think around 40,000.

And by the sounds of what you know, could be more. It'll be tight for two years until the little ones is in school, but your DD can afford it. I don't see the point in your hand wringing here. You have a sensible daughter who owns her own house on a long-term fixed rate, has a decent job and is caring for her daughter. It would not make any financial sense for her to move due to 1 year coming up of expensive childcare and another year of a bit more childcare cost, she is quite correct to hold tightly onto her asset and her fixed rate. You should be applauding her and offering to help with some occasional babysitting, not criticising when you don't even know her salary!

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 14/07/2023 17:48

All depends on her earnings and how much a smaller place would cost her etc...... if she earns 100k then she is probably OK. If she earns 20k she's in the shit.

Prettypaisleyslippers · 14/07/2023 17:48

She has a fixed term, leave her to it. If she sells and buys another snapper property she will need to consider Legal and stamp duty costs etc

Renting would be riskier

Silvered · 14/07/2023 17:50

You are interfering in something which is none of your business.

I find it quite bizarre that you can navigate to MN and start a judgemental thread about your daughter, but you can't google rents in your area. Five minutes on Rightmove would tell you that rents are insane at the moment.

Unless she is asking you for money, you have no right to poke your nose in to her finances. Right down to calculating the CMS she'll get. Mind your own business.

Cvn · 14/07/2023 17:50

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

Where on earth do you live?! Where I am, 500 wouldn't get you a studio flat. And a 4-bed for 1100?? I'm not surprised she wants to hang on to it! I can't fathom giving up that deal!

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/07/2023 17:50

How much does she earn currently, what drop will that change in hours entail vs saving in child care costs of course...

Has she expected you to support her as an adult previously?

Has she said she would expect you to support her financially now, or in the future?

Would she be able to save both immediately and long term if she moved - finding a similar property to rent would be difficult, and if you think she can find somewhere to buy or rent for only 500 a month, sorry you are living in cloud cuckoo land there.

My rent for a 2 bed semi council house on a NASTY estate in North manchester was £450 and that was 24 years ago!! And there is no way she would qualify for social housing!

Moveoverdarlin · 14/07/2023 17:52

Now is not the time to be buying or selling. She’s fixed until 2027, so she’s pretty secure. I think you’re completely out of touch for saying you wouldn’t consider paying over £500 for a mortgage monthly payment. Yes if you’ve had a mortgage for 30 years and you’re coming to the end or yes if you bought a property for 80k, but £1000 a month is completely manageable for a professional single person. Childcare fees are a killer admittedly but she’ll be substantially better off when her DC turns 3 and she gets 30 free hours. Stop worrying, she’ll be fine.

GotMooMilk · 14/07/2023 17:52

I think this shows your age and how out of touch some(!) of your generation are with cost of housing now. Most of my friends pay mortgages of over £1k a month and rent is considerably more. You can’t compare it to the past- houses cost a fortune. It’s none of your business and the worry clearly comes from you not wanting to help her financially which is a very selfish take on the situation when she’s not even asked you to do that. I’d stay out of it.

Zoreos · 14/07/2023 17:53

YABU and 92% of people agree. Stop putting your daughters finances into any calculators and mind your own business. Mind blowing cheeky fuckery! You sound like an enormous control freak and I’m not surprised your daughter hasn’t told you her private business because you clearly can’t be trusted not to be a loony about it and stick your nose in with nonsense. You have no clue about the rubbish you’re spouting and will just damage your relationship with you daughter. Stay out of it.

Tresto · 14/07/2023 17:54

Rent may not be much cheaper (and less secure). You say you would have told her not to buy it. Why? You don’t know her financial situation!

I’m not sure why being a single parent means she can’t afford 1100 a month. I paid 1200 a month 15 years ago as a single parent 🤷‍♀️I was in my 20s. I could afford it. I never turned to my parents (in fact I paid for them to go abroad). It’s down to your income and outgoings. There’s often an (incorrect) assumption that all single women are poor. I wasn’t. Maybe she earns 60k, maybe 80k again there’s often an incorrect assumption about that women are on low pay.
I remember someone of the older generation assuming I was on benefits it made me chuckle and I let them assume.

You assume she’s on 40k maybe you are wrong. You were very wrong about her mortgage payment.

If she ports and reduces her balance (usually by more than 10%) she is likely to incur a partial early repayment charge (did you know and can you advise her on that?).

Op if you don’t know her income or situation it’s best to keep out. Don’t assume single mum = poor.

sweepleall · 14/07/2023 17:58

She must be on considerably more than 40k to have passed affordability checks for a £1k/month mortgage

Qbish · 14/07/2023 17:58

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:06

@OnlyFannys we have no idea how much of the mortgage is paid off. We just think it is too expensive now she is paying this alone with a child. That’s not the same as living in a house totally alone. She will need to heat it for our granddaughter so can’t just put a jumper on for instance

Of course she can put a jumper on. So can your granddaughter. How do you think people survived before central heating?!

Just stay out of it, you sound very interfering.

OnlyFannys · 14/07/2023 17:59

ToesToYourNose · 14/07/2023 17:39

You don’t need to have the heating on any more just because you have kids 🤷‍♀️ We rent and our insulation downstairs is pretty much nonexistent and we survive with blankets ect.

Show quote history

This is correct, they now make jumpers for 2 year olds as well

WillowtreeHouse · 14/07/2023 17:59

I'm afraid this is none of your business OP. You need to make it clear that you cannot help financially and leave her to it.

Madrid67 · 14/07/2023 18:00

DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.
I think you would be very lucky to get w mortgage that small these days with interest rates etc.
£1000 doesn't seem unreasonable at all and I would say is very common . People can pay far more to rent. Surely she knows what she is doing. If she has the house before she met her partner she will know how much it costs.

Silvered · 14/07/2023 18:01

Zoreos · 14/07/2023 17:53

YABU and 92% of people agree. Stop putting your daughters finances into any calculators and mind your own business. Mind blowing cheeky fuckery! You sound like an enormous control freak and I’m not surprised your daughter hasn’t told you her private business because you clearly can’t be trusted not to be a loony about it and stick your nose in with nonsense. You have no clue about the rubbish you’re spouting and will just damage your relationship with you daughter. Stay out of it.

Yep. I really hope OP's daughter isn't on here. It would be pretty shitty to confide in your Mum after a relationship breakdown, asking for a bit of emotional support. Only to find out she's hand-wringing online for not telling her every penny of your income and asking her permission to buy a house.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/07/2023 18:02

Presumably she has a far better idea of her wage, her mortgage and her outgoings than you do. If she's not worried about it, why are you?

You really need to butt out @daufhtercrusus . You don't have all the info, and you've already offered your advice. Your daughter will already be going through a rough time of it at the moment, she doesn't need you piling on. Back off and let her make her own decisions.

3luckystars · 14/07/2023 18:02

Sounds like a normal mortgage amount to me, even a bit low compared to most people I know.

500 a month is not the average amount.

Lemonyyy · 14/07/2023 18:02

It’s quite feasible she’ll end up paying nearly as much for a 2 bed come the end of her fix anyway. I mean this gently, but you clearly haven’t a clue what housing costs nowadays. My 4 bed is just shy of £1100 a month and we’re on a pretty good deal, I don’t know many people paying less than £1000 a month and certainly unless you’re nearing the end of the full mortgage term, even fewer paying anything close to £500pcm.

Lavenderflower · 14/07/2023 18:02

I think her payment are reasonable - I don't anyone who pays £500. She could potentially let it out for foreign students

Twentypastfour · 14/07/2023 18:04

£500 😂

When is she buying? 1992??