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Original poster

To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

483 replies

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:42

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

OP posts:
BalletBob · 14/07/2023 19:48

Your daughter is a grown woman. Unless there is a massive drip feed coming whereby she is vulnerable and not capable of running her own life, you are massively overstepping. You have no right to involve yourself in details about her finances or housing situation without her asking. It’s fine to politely make her aware that you can’t/won’t offer any financial support if you feel she is likely to expect this, but otherwise leave her alone! She’s an adult. You are infantilising her and sound very controlling. You don’t need to know what she earns or what her outgoings are because it’s absolutely none of your business.

By the way, you sound ridiculously out of touch with your “we would never have had a mortgage over £500” rubbish. Are you aware house prices have increased over the years?

melmos · 14/07/2023 19:49

To be candid you are living in the past - I dont know anyone as first time buyer who has a mortgage less than 1k as FTB. What's she's going to do sell risk losing her home and up her mortgage rate or pay someone else's while renters rights ? Im in similar position to your daughter and manage it but without benefits as lucky me I am childless. Instead of worrying about the fact your child in need might ask you help you should look at the world and society you live in and wonder if you could help them.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 14/07/2023 19:51

OP, go on rightmove, and actually look at the prices of the size of house you expect her to downsize to. Unless you plan for her to live in my cousin's shed, I think you'll find the mortgage payments on those will be over 500 a month.

She's almost certainly gone down to 4 days a week, because the money she saves on childcare is the same as she'd make for that day's pay. It's a standard and sensible financial decision.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 14/07/2023 19:51

I know people have said it but just reiterating you can't downsize to a property where you're borrowing less and port. You take the loan with you, not just the rate.

Confusion101 · 14/07/2023 19:51

OP have you looked at the housing market recently? Have you checked online to see what she could rent for this magic £500 you are talking about? Or what kind of house she could buy for those repayments... I'm guessing it'll be about the size of a shoe box!!!! She got the mortgage alone, she wouldn't have got it if they thought she couldn't make the repayments. Support her... Sometimes that just means telling her it'll all be OK, and giving her a shoulder to cry on, or rushing in with "you need to do X, Y and Z".....

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 14/07/2023 19:53

I "only" owe 100k at 2% and my repayments are still £750.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/07/2023 19:54

"Moving would cost around £15k, probably more. "

OMG! Can you give me a breakdown of that?

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/07/2023 19:59

Reminds me of my dad being pissed off that I didn't use the £3k my grandad left me for a house deposit. It would have barely paid legal and moving costs. 😬

(As it was it was very much appreciated when we came to buy curtains and carpets)

BravoMyDear · 14/07/2023 19:59

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:16

If it weren’t for the economic climate I would agree with staying out of it but it is worrying in the circumstances

I’m 100% sure your daughter is aware of the current financial climate too 🙄

jennyjones198080 · 14/07/2023 20:02

Gwenhwyfar · 14/07/2023 19:54

"Moving would cost around £15k, probably more. "

OMG! Can you give me a breakdown of that?

Not sure if you are asking because you don’t believe the cost - or are genuinely interested.

I moved recently and from what I remember hall park costs were -

stamp duty approx £12k
movers £500
solicitors £1k
estate agent £1k
mortgage fee £1k

there were a lot of smaller costs that all bundled together came to about another £2k - redecorating house a bit for sale, a skip for the decluttering, post redirect etc etc

I got cleaners into the new house - carpets shampooed, locks changed etc.

it all adds up - very very expensive time.

Luxell934 · 14/07/2023 20:02

I can understand your worries OP especially if you've had to bail her out before. Was this after she bought the house though?

She has done well to buy a 4 bed house on her salary alone and if she's fixed in until 2027 she should be fine until then.

Do you look after your grandchild or are they in nursery?

Twyford · 14/07/2023 20:03

If things do get tight, with four bedrooms your daughter could take in a couple of lodgers.

IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 14/07/2023 20:10

Unless she lives in the arse end of no where in the Welsh valleys or somewhere she would be paying more than that in rent on the average house. Sounds like she can afford it on what she earns and it's a fixed rate for a good while; seems all very sensible to me @daufhtercrusus

Do you generally catastrophise? I think this might be more your worry than hers.

LivinDaylights · 14/07/2023 20:12

She's an adult, I'm not sure what business it is of yours? Her mortgage is fixed until 2027, what's the point in moving right now? Her mortgage isn't that mad for a 4 bed house I live in the North West and its 400k+ for 4 beds, with a decent deposit and 25 year mortgage, your mortgage repayments would be more than that now. I do think you are out of touch with house prices, £500 a month mortgage wouldn't get you much right now even over 25 years.

Gettingbysomehow · 14/07/2023 20:12

Rather than move she could get a female lodger or a weekly lodger.

NumericalBlock · 14/07/2023 20:23

As her circumstances have changed since she bought the property (having had a child in that time by the sounds of things?) she may not be able to port her property. They'll do all of the affordability checks again and with a dependent now it'll drastically reduce her borrowing potential, sadly they don't just port it like for like and take your word for it. We've just gone through the porting process for our purchase and it was just as thorough as when we took out the mortgage.

BLT24 · 14/07/2023 20:25

Yes you are being unreasonable and jumping to loads of assumptions without actually knowing the figures involved and without knowing or having any control of what amount of money she is happy to live on after paying bills, which varies drastically from person to person.

jennyjones198080 · 14/07/2023 20:27

NumericalBlock · 14/07/2023 20:23

As her circumstances have changed since she bought the property (having had a child in that time by the sounds of things?) she may not be able to port her property. They'll do all of the affordability checks again and with a dependent now it'll drastically reduce her borrowing potential, sadly they don't just port it like for like and take your word for it. We've just gone through the porting process for our purchase and it was just as thorough as when we took out the mortgage.

But OP knows nothing about her daughters circumstances. Her salary could have increased aswell. I don’t know how
ling she has had this mortgage - but could she around 5 years?

people are jumping to a lot of conclusions and offering a lot of solutions for a woman who salary and financial standing they don’t know.

BravoMyDear · 14/07/2023 20:28

God, I would LOVE to hear the daughter’s side of this 🤣

Gwenhwyfar · 14/07/2023 20:30

jennyjones198080 · 14/07/2023 20:02

Not sure if you are asking because you don’t believe the cost - or are genuinely interested.

I moved recently and from what I remember hall park costs were -

stamp duty approx £12k
movers £500
solicitors £1k
estate agent £1k
mortgage fee £1k

there were a lot of smaller costs that all bundled together came to about another £2k - redecorating house a bit for sale, a skip for the decluttering, post redirect etc etc

I got cleaners into the new house - carpets shampooed, locks changed etc.

it all adds up - very very expensive time.

Show quote history

Thanks. Bit of both really. I would avoid stamp duty, so that's most of it. I was also wondering if you were using professional movers rather than a man with a van or a friend driving a hired van, but that seems to be a very small part of the cost anyway.
Even so, without stamp duty it's much lower.

JudgeRudy · 14/07/2023 20:37

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:51

I just hope she doesn’t turn to us to help meet the payments. She is saying that figure is reasonable nowadays for the size of the house etc and she wants to hold on to the asset… that’s all fine but at 1,100 a month it doesn’t strike me as realistic! If we had known that was the repayment when she bought the house we would have told her that was too much but sadly we weren’t informed at the time.

I think you have unrealistic ideas of what housing costs whether its a mortgage or rental. It is a lot of money yes, but let's say she lost her home and needed to rent....it would likely be more. Downsizing doesn't always save as much as you would imagine once you factor in EA fees, moving costs etc.
Is there an indication that she expects you to subsidise her or are you just speculating? I'm sure she has an idea of the amount of child support she's likely to receive.
What information do you have that she doesn't have to feel better qualified to advise her?

Gymmum82 · 14/07/2023 20:37

You seem very out of touch with how much things actually cost. I live in the north of england. One of the cheaper places you can live and £500pcm would get you very little. Maybe a 1 bed flat. But to be honest probably not even that.
Our mortgage is about £850 a month used to be £1100. It’s fixed currently. Obviously it will go up when that ends. Likely by a great deal.
If I was her I’d try and stay put too. We didn’t pay stamp duty and it still cost us about £5k to move house.
Maybe instead of worrying she will ask you for money you could offer to be her childcare for your grand daughter. That would save her a considerable amount of money and she’ll definitely afford her mortgage then

MRex · 14/07/2023 20:38

jennyjones198080 · 14/07/2023 20:27

But OP knows nothing about her daughters circumstances. Her salary could have increased aswell. I don’t know how
ling she has had this mortgage - but could she around 5 years?

people are jumping to a lot of conclusions and offering a lot of solutions for a woman who salary and financial standing they don’t know.

Show quote history

The daughter is obviously also fairly young to have a 2yo, and has a payment history. In the cost of living crisis now, someone asking for a few months of mortgage holiday each year to cover higher childcare until school would be an easy yes for underwriters.

Hangonaminutethere · 14/07/2023 20:38

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:51

I just hope she doesn’t turn to us to help meet the payments. She is saying that figure is reasonable nowadays for the size of the house etc and she wants to hold on to the asset… that’s all fine but at 1,100 a month it doesn’t strike me as realistic! If we had known that was the repayment when she bought the house we would have told her that was too much but sadly we weren’t informed at the time.

Because, with respect, this is absolutely none of your business? She is an adult yes? You have a right to be concerned but absolutely no right to interfere. Unless you’d welcome the same from her into your life and finances?

jennyjones198080 · 14/07/2023 20:40

I used proper movers - wouldn’t risk a man with a van - movers have insurance if they drop your tv.

just looked it up - it was £600 then tips for the men on the day of £20 each.

at that price I obviously didn’t pay for packing - just moving.

Solicitors was more than I quoted when I checked my records - £1800.

but yes if you can avoid stamp duty it’s a blessing.