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Original poster

To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

483 replies

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:42

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 14/07/2023 18:59

She's a grown up. Unless she has a severe mental health or intellectual disability that effects her budgeting, she can deal with her own financial affairs.

You can only give her your opinion (which you have) now and again.

oakleaffy · 14/07/2023 19:00

RoseBucket · 14/07/2023 16:54

Bit of a presumption? She might be in a good wage. And benefits do not cover a mortgage.

Show quote history

I was going to ask this...Do Benefits pay for people's mortgages?!

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 14/07/2023 19:01

oakleaffy · 14/07/2023 19:00

I was going to ask this...Do Benefits pay for people's mortgages?!

Show quote history

No, there is help available to pay rent but not mortgages.

DrCoconut · 14/07/2023 19:02

My mortgage is under £300 a month for 3 bedrooms. It's allowed me to stay here post divorce. But I'm aware this is exceptional and I live in a cheap area of a cheap area. Most people on here probably wouldn't touch it with a disinfected barge pole. I'd say your DD sounds competent and in charge of her own finances. Good luck to her.

caringcarer · 14/07/2023 19:02

She might be moving to condensed hours so working a full week but in 4 days. If not she can go back to full time once her DC is at school.

caringcarer · 14/07/2023 19:03

Her best option might be to rent a room to another female.

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 14/07/2023 19:07

She can take in a lodger or two to help pay the mortgage.

jennyjones198080 · 14/07/2023 19:07

caringcarer · 14/07/2023 19:03

Her best option might be to rent a room to another female.

How can you offer financial advice without even knowing what this woman earns?

I am a single female and my mortgage is also over £1,000k a month.

is my best option to get a female lodger?

OP and her husband have guessed their daughters salary - but they have no idea. She secured this mortgage on her own - it was assessed as affordable. She might be absolutely fine financially. OP has no idea.

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/07/2023 19:14

£500 pm mortgage for a house? Where are you expecting your daughter to move to? 1991?

ChrisPPancake · 14/07/2023 19:15

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

How long ago was that?!

ChrisPPancake · 14/07/2023 19:17

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:51

I just hope she doesn’t turn to us to help meet the payments. She is saying that figure is reasonable nowadays for the size of the house etc and she wants to hold on to the asset… that’s all fine but at 1,100 a month it doesn’t strike me as realistic! If we had known that was the repayment when she bought the house we would have told her that was too much but sadly we weren’t informed at the time.

Why would you have been informed at the time? Your daughter is a grown up. Or were you guarantors? That's the only reason I can think you might need to know.

CuriousLadyBird · 14/07/2023 19:17

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:51

She will be getting a lot in benefits op

see for yourself on the benefit calculators

How so?

Benefits don't cover mortgage payments and UC for a single person and child is only about £600ish and her income may reduce this.

Eventhedog · 14/07/2023 19:19

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/07/2023 19:14

£500 pm mortgage for a house? Where are you expecting your daughter to move to? 1991?

Exactly this. OP I don't think you have an understanding of what mortgage or rent costs these days. I live in a cheapish part of the uk, this is a very normal mortgage payment and also the monthly cost of renting a small, very average 3 bed house. Keeping a roof over your head is very expensive these days. I imagine £500 per month would maybe get her a 1 bed flat in a not very nice area.

Zippedydodah · 14/07/2023 19:20

Dibblydoodahdah · 14/07/2023 17:08

You sound really out of touch OP. I bought a small two bed in the North 20 years ago and the payments were £500 per month back then. My current mortgage is £2600 per month - that’s for a five bed in the SE but we’ve got 60% equity.

25 years ago our mortgage was £600/month so OP’s figures are of years ago Ffs!

Lemonfoxtrot · 14/07/2023 19:21

Depending on her other outgoings, £1100 should be doable on 40k a year.

she isn’t going to be rolling in it, but by the time she spends her time at work and looking after her daughter, she won’t have much time for anything else anyway.

FamBae · 14/07/2023 19:25

Just tell her you respect her decision but you will be unable to help out financially if anything should happen in the near future i.e. car problems etc. She may be making the decision based on the fact you have bailed her out in the past so make things clear and then give her your full support.

PriOn1 · 14/07/2023 19:26

If she goes down to four days a week, she will save quite a lot on nursery costs, I should imagine. If she’s on £40,000 a year and she’s careful, I would think £1000 a month is viable.

I’m kind of reminded of my grandmother when she saw my very first wage cheque. She was amazed because she said my grandad had never earned anything like that. Of course, it was tax free, being my first, but I honestly think she had forgotten to consider inflation. Now new graduates in my job earn more than twice that. So while £500 pcm sounds terrifying to you, quite likely your daughter is a fully competent adult who can work out whether she can afford to pay it.

And if she can’t, then she can downsize when she needs to. But if she can afford to hold onto her asset, she should.

dizzygirl1 · 14/07/2023 19:28

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

£500! That's hilarious. Did you think your daughter had a few hundred thousand for a deposit?
I pay that for a small 3 bed rental, not London (on my own, 2 teens)
But then again my energy price is £95 a month (so was my big 3 bed)
But to answer your question, no it's nothing to do with you, your daughter is a grown up and obviously has done the maths and thinks she can afford it.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 14/07/2023 19:32

Stop borrowing worries from tomorrow.
Your daughter was astute enough to buy a 4 bed house on her own.
She thinks she can manage. If she is wrong and can't, she can take in a lodger or downsize. It's her business.

Mummyto2rugrats · 14/07/2023 19:33

So if your right with your thinking of her on 40k then with 5% pension contribution her take home is approx £2500 pm.
4 bed at £1100 is a good deal to be fair and if she is dropping to 4 day that may mean a reduction on nursery/ childcare.
But not a big drop in her monthly.
I would just support let her know you are there for her and let her make her own decisions as hard as it is trust she has done her outgoings v incoming

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy · 14/07/2023 19:33

OP £500 wouldn't even get you somebody's garden shed to bunk down in. You seem to have absolutely no clue about rental/ mortgage costs!

Keeva2017 · 14/07/2023 19:36

Op you sound quite naive? 40,000 Ida decent wage with CMS on top that’s manageable. I think you’re daughter is probably more savvy and smarter than you in these matters. Don’t let your anxiety get in the way of her making good decisions.

Happyhappyday · 14/07/2023 19:37

I think it’s fair to make sure she knows you can’t help her out, but beyond that, she needs to decide. Our first flat was £1350/month and our joint income wasn’t that much more than hers. Does she have savings? Childcare costs?

Keykat · 14/07/2023 19:41

Oh, go on.... you would like her to sell up and move back home, pay you a good proportion of the former mortgage and you will be happy. But will she?

The solution is to let her do her own thing, and make it clear that you will NOT be bailing her out again. If she gets into difficulty she could let out two rooms. But I suspect she is well able to look after herself.

dottiedodah · 14/07/2023 19:42

Prices have increased massively! Although 1100 seems a lot , its not much these days .houses are very expensive. Your dd seems to be in a good position and has her head screwed on .I would not say anything to her. My friends dd is a single mum and pays for a 3 bed semi about the same as dd! In rent .