To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

[daufhtercrusus]

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

Most purchases will come in for some stamp duty as the threshold is £250k. The average asking price according to Rightmove as of this month, is £372k.

Now fair enough, that's going to take into account some much bigger and more expensive properties. But in my area, if I wanted a 3 bed semi in a reasonable area with a patch of garden, that doesn't need a huge amount of work (such as new kitchen/bathroom/re-wiring etc) there aren't many options under £250k.

@Gwenhwyfar
The vast majority of costs are SDLT. To be fair SDLT rates are currently a bit lower than they were but probably temporarily. I live in a fairly expensive area so would still be looking at £7.5k SDLT even to downsize a lot. Obviously if you can but something suitable for £250k you don’t have the same SDLT cost.

You pay solicitors both for selling and buying. We spent over £2k on this last time.

Estate agent fees for me would be £6k. Less for less expensive property or if you do it yourself.

Movers would be over £1k. More if I wanted more help.

It’s hard to move without buying any extra furniture or appliances etc. e.g We found that the washing machine left for us last time didn’t work and we urgently had to sort some issues with the house.

I could do a lot of this cheaper if I had the time of course e.g list with purple bricks. But I’m a single parent of a 1 and 3 year old and very full on job and the logistics of moving and cost of it feel insurmountable. It would take years to see an overall financial benefit.

OP. I don’t know how old you are but you can’t be elderly as you have a grandchild of 2yrs old. But I must say you are completely out of the loop where mortgages are concerned. That is a cheap mortgage for a 4 bed house.
one of my daughters ( single) is paying £1,300 rent for a 3 bed.
If I were her I would do everything I could to keep the house.
If she followed your advice she would regret it for the rest of her life.

She would be wise to stay out and sadly OP you are very out of touch as to what average repayments are now. If she's on £40k , plus some maintanance she will be fine

I say this as someone with a mother whose very similar in attitude to you.

Times have changed - thats the going rate. She may be able add some years on to reduce the monthly payment. Still better than renting.

Also back off and trust that she knows what she's doing. There's a reason we don't share everything with parents with this sort of attitude.

Friends of ours are in the process of moving at the moment. £2k for conveyancing (buying and selling). £2k estate agent fee for selling their place. £1.5k for movers. SDLT is about £5k. I only know this because I was sitting down with them helping them go through figures last weekend.

I'm nearly 60 and my mum still treats me like a fucking idiot. When I was buying my house she - who has never bought a house - kept ringing to tell me off for the perfectly standard house-buying procedure. "What do you mean, the house isn't definitely yours till contracts are exchanged? You need to ring these people and tell them this is not acceptable!" etc.

Mind you, she complains that HER mother - who is still very much with us - treats her like a fool, won't let her wash up because she had 'butter fingers' as a child.

For £500 a month she’d struggle to get a room in a shared house. You are completely deluded about cost of housing. I’d cling to her current mortgage as long as possible. She’ll most likely have a rough year until she gets some free hours and then to school but that is likely 2 years of being financially tight and then being in a good position after that.

If he’s on £32k she should get around £320 a month which would help. On £40k with student loan and a 5% pension she’d be getting around £2400. It’s the childcare that would make things hard but hopefully she’d get support - I ran the numbers through entitled to and it gave me around £570 of universal credit (assuming £1200 of nursery) and £104 in child benefit.

So assuming those variables, she would be able to manage as long as she managed her money properly. Eg in: £3400 - out 1100 mortgage, 1200 nursery leaving over £1000 for everything else.

White goods costs too. We bought our house (smaller than OP's daughter's, mortgage more than £500!) with appliances left in because they fitted. Then we had to replace them over the first year as they all fell apart. That was another thousand spent, and that was well before the current rate of inflation.

Stamp duty, solicitor fees, estate agent fees, mortgage arrangement fees. It’s really not hard to total £15k.

I feel you. Every time I feel guilty that my mum and I aren't close and mention something about my life, she starts lecturing me on How to Adult (generally on things she has zero experience of ever doing/being) and bam, I regret ever having tried. Sigh.

I think to an extent this post epitomises the frustration of the younger generation regarding home buying. People going on about the entitlement of a 25 year old wanting a 4 bed forever home straight off the bat when that isn’t the case at all- people scrape their deposits together against the odds and buy what they can afford with incredibly high costs, but still lower than private rental. Between a rock and a hard place.

Im a single parent, I have no financial support for either of my children from their fathers, one is a pre schooler, I got made redundant last year and after looking for work for nine months had to take a 66% pay cut in my new role. I now work part time, UC helps cover my nursery costs. I have tried to move house - sale, and therefore onward purchase, fell through. I have had a very stressful few years.

Sometimes my mum calls to tell me how much my status as a SP and home”owner” are worrying her. How it keeps her up at night worrying over me.

I almost never speak to or see my mother as a result.

She is not a victim here (and in most ways neither am I). I am making it work the best I can for now with an eye to what will benefit me and my children best in the long term. Her stress is NOT my problem to solve and I am NOT adding it to my “to do” list.

Butt out. If you care then offer her a sympathetic ear, loads of moral support and whatever help (with childcare, cups of tea, home cooked meals) you feel you can give.

Fine to set the boundary of “we won’t be able to help financially” if you feel it needs to be said. But I’m guessing you’ve already given her that message.

If you want to have a positive relationship with her and your GD don’t make your worries her problem - she has enough of her own.

Agree with PP that £1100 is a reasonable payment amount.

Myself and my (now) DH got our 3 bed semi house about 8.5 years ago. Once deposit was deducted, balance was about 135,00-140,000. Mortgage in my name and based solely on my income. Monthly payments are around £975/980 per month as I chose to take it over 15 years and 8 months, rather than the standard 25 years so that the house would be fully paid for before we were 50. Have taken 2x 5 year fixed rates as I’d rather have certainty over monthly spends. We’re in the North West.

Honestly, it sounds to me like your daughter has her head screwed on and I would assume she has done the sums to verify that she can still afford her outgoings if going to reduced hours and a lower income. Trust your daughter’s judgement and just focus on being there to help her through the emotional fallout of her relationship ending and her finding out the man she chose to have a child with is a waste of skin and a deadbeat dad.

Op I mean this kindly... But where have you been for at least 20 years.

Your daughter is in a great position to have a fixed rate for years on a stable family home which can comfortably house her and DC. She's in employment.

Where on earth have you been if you think she's going to get somewhere cheaper, and you haven't factored in thousands of moving costs?!

It's almost like you don't want this financial reality for her, but you've confused what you wish Vs what the reality is. Politely.. butt out as you don't seem to have a clue about modern housing costs and you're not in a position to actually help her to navigate it if you're this deluded. You'll be of no real help. Saying it seems a lot and why couldn't she do ABC doesn't really help when all your suggestions are in cloud cookoo land.

yes - I excluded the cost of the integrated fridge freezer that stopped working on day two!

And blinds - they cost a lot more than I remembered!

I have flashbacks of 2008, when I was trying to move house and my mother could not believe I was looking for houses to rent using rightmove.

She kept telling me over and over again that she would never use the internet to find a house; she was certain the rental market hadn't changed since 1996. Over and over again she told me I needed to look for houses in the back of the local paper, which was how she'd always found places.

Back off, OP. Your daughter is going through a terrible time and doesn't need your advice unless she specifically asks for it. And I say this as the mother of adult children. You seem a little over-invested in her financial situation, which is none of your business.

As for wanting information because you're worried about her, that's not a good reason. You will worry about her until the day you die and knowing her finances won't change that. You have no right to her personal information to allay your fears.

Again, back off. You're not helping her.

She sounds sensible to me.

My guess is you live in a cheaper/smaller property in a slightly different area and can’t fathom the numbers because it’s not how you did it.

I would be far more worried about the OPs understanding of finances and economics in this day and age.

I bought a 3 bed over 20 years ago. Mortgage was OVER £800 a month then. I used to rent out a room for £400 a month including bills back then. I bet its a really tiny number of people who have a mortgage under £500 these days.

OP, you don't need to get the child maintenance calculator working or do any sums. I'd be far more concerned about what the emotional toll has been on your daughter and grandchild living with a man who has clearly declared he has no interest in his child once he leaves. He sounds like an utter idiot.

Keep your nose out of her financial affairs. At the very most, you could say to her to make sure she's checked her entitlements to benefits and if you must, gently explain that if she does struggle, you won't be able to lend her any money but you'll always support her in other ways. Then leave it. It wouldn't surprise me if she was shouldering most if not all of the household costs before they split.

My father also like to treat me like a stupid child who can't add up, which is part of the reason I have minimal contact.

This 100%. How much your daughter spends on housing is absolutely none of your business.

Although it is very natural to worry about our children I do think they are a lot more capable and resilient than we give them credit for.

I bet your daughter is earning a lot more than 40k but just prefers not to tell you.

If you wish to be close to your daughter you need to move with the times and keep up. Sounds to me that you seriously need to stop living under a rock!

I think you’ve been living under a rock for a few decades. Under £500 you’re having a complete laugh! there’s barely anything rental or mortgage wise under that number.
I rented a room (good value at the time) in a house share for £650 a month not inc bills and this was over 5 years ago. A room!!
would love to know where you expect her to get a house costing her under £500 a month

I know you are concerned op but let her decide.

Wow you sound very supportive op lol! Why don’t you stay out of your daughters affairs?! Keep your nose out a little 4 bedder wow she could easily rent out x2 rooms for a income boost! £1100 isn’t a great big mortgage where I live that’s a privately rented 2 bed flat! I think you should keep well out of it!

Her entire life’s been fucked over and your posting on here worrying about your daughters finances when she’s an adult and she hasn’t asked a thing finically from you! Lol what a nice mum she has!