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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbour is showing all the signs of being a PITA

173 replies

TheWayTheLightFalls · 14/07/2023 08:37

All v minor at the moment but a faint alarm bell is starting to ring and I wonder if IABU.

Moved house in January (detached house but in a busy, built up bit of London). This neighbour lives next door. Came to introduce herself and told us that she’d lived here for 20 years and that it was a very peaceful area <hard stare>. Peaceful. Just kept reiterating it. It isn’t a particularly peaceful area (we moved from two minutes away), but I got the message. We were about to start building works but I apologised for any noise and explained we’d do our best to minimise disruption.

At some point she seemed to think we were away (we weren’t, our car was) and started parking across our garage. After the second day of this I left a note on the car - “Hey neighbour, please don’t block our garage - we need access for our works. Thanks!”

The blocking stops, but she started to park so close to the garage that it’s practically quite difficult to use. I don’t say anything.

A month passes. She knocks on our door and says, “You know that note you left on my car? Well your builder is blocking me in” and points to a van that I’ve never seen before. I explain that our builder has a van with his logo all over it and I have no idea whose van that is but it isn’t ours/our trademens’. She glares at me for a few minutes while I talk and then stomps off, no apology. She stops parking badly though.

Today she knocked again. Our builder threw a dismantled shed away, and in doing so revealed a missing fence panel between our houses. She’s not happy and wants it replaced. (To be clear our builder didn’t detach anything- the bit of shed wall had just hidden the missing bit of fence from our side, but would always have been obvious to her.) I agreed without thinking too much - the builder is here anyway and it’s two minutes’ work, plus she is, above stuff aside, putting up with about four months and counting of hammering, drilling etc and I don’t want to be petty.

But now I’m thinking about this and getting a bit grumpy. It’s her fence afaics (as in, she has the face of it). The missing panel isn’t my problem. And I’m getting pain the ass vibes.

Wwyd? I’m minded to swallow this but then be rather less accommodating with whatever the next thing is.

OP posts:
SaleOfTwoTitties · 14/07/2023 08:41

All sounds very petty. She is putting up with all your disruption.

Work2live · 14/07/2023 08:43

Minimise all contact with her.

The next thing she complains about, or asks you to fix, be a lot firmer in your response - she’ll start to think she can boss you around otherwise.

NotOnYourNellies · 14/07/2023 08:45

Put a panel up then just nod and smile next time
She's sussing you out if you are a soft case
You know you are not a loud family and she'll get the message eventually
I would be pleasant but that's it

LotsOfThingsToThinkAbout · 14/07/2023 08:48

She sounds annoying but your building work will be more annoying. You can check who is responsible for the fence and if it's hers you can back track. "Sorry, I assumed the fence was ours but I can see that it's your responsibility"

Hopefully it will all settle down. It's good you are detached though.

SilverstoneF1 · 14/07/2023 08:50

Loving next to building work is the pits. I would be as kind as you can.

pinkyredrose · 14/07/2023 08:50

Your building work is probably driving her mad. She might think you're the PITA.

Dolphinnoises · 14/07/2023 08:51

By removing the shed, you’ve made the boundary ineffective. I would replace the panel, but write her a note explaining that you are aware the boundary is hers, but will replace this panel as a one-off. If she is happy with its installation she will be responsible for maintaining it

TheSandgroper · 14/07/2023 08:54

You know that orange, plastic lattice? I would sticky tape a bit of that to the fence.

You know, at some point you are going to have to stop providing entertainment for her and um, just live your own life.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/07/2023 08:56

"The blocking stops, but she started to park so close to the garage that it’s practically quite difficult to use. I don’t say anything."

I think your not saying anything at this point made her think you're a pushover. And it has probably emboldened her to keep pushing. I'd let the fence-panel slide, but sshe'd be finding me very hard to push from now on.

Fleur405 · 14/07/2023 08:57

Given that you said you’d do it and can do so easily I think you just should. But yeah she sounds like a loony.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/07/2023 09:03

As above-will fix the fence, but we note that that side is actually your responsibility so the upkeep from herein is yours

icelollycraving · 14/07/2023 09:07

Your building works will have been pretty horrible for months on end. A bit of fencing seems a small price to pay for harmony.

primoseyellow · 14/07/2023 09:10

I think check to see who has responsibility for the fence and if it is yours fix it, if not explain politely that it is hers.

Yes building work is a pain, but it is only for a few months then you will not being causing any issues. Every time you see her, smile and explain you are in a rush, so if she starts talking about parking etc just say 'oh ok yes sure' keep walking and smiling.

People like this are just waiting for any tiny issue to jump on. The more you engage and explain yourself the worse things become.

pictoosh · 14/07/2023 09:11

Yes she's a pain in the arse. Avoid getting into a pissing contest with this woman, let her piss alone. Replace the panel and entertain her no further.

FernsInTheFire · 14/07/2023 09:21

I think your planned response sounds very reasonable. I don’t think you owe her the fence panel at all; as long as you’re being as considerate as possible, unfortunately we all need to put up with neighbours having work done from time to time. But it’s a small gesture that doesn’t cost you much and gives you some easy brownie points.

Anything more, though, no.

KvotheTheBloodless · 14/07/2023 09:28

She sounds like a pain in the arse, but I'd replace the panel in compensation for 4 months' disruption.

Original poster
TheWayTheLightFalls · 14/07/2023 09:36

I think your not saying anything at this point made her think you're a pushover. And it has probably emboldened her to keep pushing. I'd let the fence-panel slide, but sshe'd be finding me very hard to push from now on.

It’s hard to explain but basically she was parking on a public road, just as inconveniently as humanly possible. And I didn’t want to engage with her.

OP posts:
SerenityNowInsanityLater · 14/07/2023 09:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Parisj · 14/07/2023 10:02

The fence facing her means nothing. I think your actions so far are fine. Don't play her game, play yours. Stay cool.

AllAboutMargot · 14/07/2023 10:11

If the fence posts are your side, it's your fence. If the fence posts are her side, it's her fence.
It seems your shed has formed part of the boundary. Now you've removed it, I would say it's your responsibility to make good the gap.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 14/07/2023 10:16

I'd just make good the fence tbh. Doesn't seem unreasonable, esp the noise etc that she had to put up with.
Is the end in sight re building work?

GerbilsForever24 · 14/07/2023 10:19

I agree, make good the fence. All your building work has probably been annoying and I think that a little niceness won't hurt. Plus, you now have the moral high ground, so this helps as well in the future.

cheezncrackers · 14/07/2023 10:22

I would replace the fence panel because the gap in the fence is your fault (i.e. yes the panel was missing before, but it wasn't an issue until you dismantled the shed). I'd want a fence between this annoying woman's garden and mine, so that's a win for you!

IVflytrap · 14/07/2023 10:26

Replace the fence panel without complaint as a neighbourly gesture that acknowledges she's had to put up with a fair amount of noise and disruption since you moved in. Otherwise avoid contact.

CaroleSinger · 14/07/2023 10:26

Her having the face of it doesn't make it her fence. You need to establish who actually owns it. Check your deeds. If it is hers then you are not obliged to rep,ace it. The rest yes, she sounds difficult and I'd be limiting contact. Perhaps not even answering the door to her at all.