My neighbour is showing all the signs of being a PITA

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

All v minor at the moment but a faint alarm bell is starting to ring and I wonder if IABU.

Moved house in January (detached house but in a busy, built up bit of London). This neighbour lives next door. Came to introduce herself and told us that she’d lived here for 20 years and that it was a very peaceful area <hard stare>. Peaceful. Just kept reiterating it. It isn’t a particularly peaceful area (we moved from two minutes away), but I got the message. We were about to start building works but I apologised for any noise and explained we’d do our best to minimise disruption.

At some point she seemed to think we were away (we weren’t, our car was) and started parking across our garage. After the second day of this I left a note on the car - “Hey neighbour, please don’t block our garage - we need access for our works. Thanks!”

The blocking stops, but she started to park so close to the garage that it’s practically quite difficult to use. I don’t say anything.

A month passes. She knocks on our door and says, “You know that note you left on my car? Well your builder is blocking me in” and points to a van that I’ve never seen before. I explain that our builder has a van with his logo all over it and I have no idea whose van that is but it isn’t ours/our trademens’. She glares at me for a few minutes while I talk and then stomps off, no apology. She stops parking badly though.

Today she knocked again. Our builder threw a dismantled shed away, and in doing so revealed a missing fence panel between our houses. She’s not happy and wants it replaced. (To be clear our builder didn’t detach anything- the bit of shed wall had just hidden the missing bit of fence from our side, but would always have been obvious to her.) I agreed without thinking too much - the builder is here anyway and it’s two minutes’ work, plus she is, above stuff aside, putting up with about four months and counting of hammering, drilling etc and I don’t want to be petty.

But now I’m thinking about this and getting a bit grumpy. It’s her fence afaics (as in, she has the face of it). The missing panel isn’t my problem. And I’m getting pain the ass vibes.

Wwyd? I’m minded to swallow this but then be rather less accommodating with whatever the next thing is.

Not only would i make sure the fence panel was replaced quickly but i would look into having a secondary sturdy fence put up once the building work was done. I wouldn't put it past her to cause damage to the her old fence and badger you to replace it like you have done with the missing panel. A good fence between awkward neighbours is worth a mint.

Are the posts on your side or hers? Normally you put the posts on your side/land and the smooth side faces away from you so the neighbour gets the neater view.

It sounds like the shed was part of the boundary, you've dismantled it so you should replace it.

Don't replace the fence if its their responsibility. Unless you don't want them looking through, walking through etc. Just limit communication to nods when you pass. Building work is awful though.

Check who's responsibility the fence is or she will be wanting an entire new fence before long. Give one panel free =she will want the lot.. Or tell her she is free to put a shed up her side to hide the hole.

It’s 2 minutes work, and why not be the reasonable human in this interaction?

But keep a wary eye on your boundaries - not just physical ones! - and push back if and when necessary.

replace the fence and move on. Don't make enemies of your neighbours, it's not worth it.

I do wish people would stop trotting out stuff about fence facings and posts etc. All irrelevant compared to which side the little T shape on the boundaries on the land registry. If it points in to your land, your boundary to maintain, if it points towards neighbour, theirs.

The rest is just convention.

(previous owners decided that we get the "nice" facing - it really isn't a useful guide)

I'd absorb the fence panel as I agree it seems a nice gesture following the building works but politely point out (in writing if possible) that youve checked the deeds and are happy to do it out of goodwill but the fence is their responsibility thereafter.

She will get bored of bothering you re parking stuff eventually but yes her initial gambit about it being peaceful sounds like PITA territory so stand your ground judiciously and try to stay good humoured. Challenge anything substantive but ignore anything petty. So, as you've done, ask politely to not park over your gate but ignore her parking as close as possible. She will either get bored or there will be a seriously dull reason for this being the best parking spot. Not interesting to you either way.

She probably just doesn't like change and isnt very skilled socially. You'll become part of the furniture eventually once the building work is done and she will bugger off apart from probably the odd silly thing.

Really not the worst neighbour you could possibly have. At least you know she's quiet!!

We had the same with a fence panel during building work. We replaced it as we knew our building noise and vans parked up the street was annoying. I'm a people pleaser though.

I'd suck up the fence panel.

She's a nightmare in the making.

You don't actually want a nightmare neighbour though. Such alot of hassle. So kill her with kindness. But stand firm on anything relevant.

Replace it and avoid contact with her in future.

I don’t get why a lot of people on MN have something against building works being done. As annoying as it may be to have building works done; sometimes it’s necessary and as respectful as you can be about it, you can’t please everyone.

My neighbours had building works done on their home not too long ago for a few weeks and as noisy as it was; I understand they have to do it to either maintain or improve their home. Certainly no reason to be arsey about it.

My neighbours had building works done on their home not too long ago for a few weeks and as noisy as it was; I understand they have to do it to either maintain or improve their home. Certainly no reason to be arsey about it.

Agree.

It's the nature of living in a community. 🤷‍♀️

Please don't send notes to your neighbour using words like "herein". You will sound like a prick.

Agree, we had a neighbour move in recently into a house that had been unoccupied for about 3 years (previous owner went into a care home) and immediately they started fairly disruptive major building works .

But do you know what is worse than building works? Living next door to a house that is being allowed to go into disrepair.

You sound very accommodating and considerate OP and your neighbour sounds very petty.

I've always found that when people live in a street for a long time they get used to however it is and object to anyone doing anything different. We lived in a house, years ago, where a neighbour complained about us parking on a the street, so that he could see our car from his house. We couldn't park any further forward as there was a lamppost so the passenger door couldn't be opened and if we went beyond that the neighbour at the end couldn't get his car off the hardstanding in his front garden. It was so petty; we politely told him we weren't moving.Your NDN is similar, she wants nothing to change. I understand that building work is annoying but we all have something done at some point. Just smile and carry on. And replace the fence panel as you won't then have to see her.

Please don't send notes to your neighbour using words like "herein". You will sound like a prick.

this 😂 So fussy pants.

" Very happy to replace your fence for you. The builders are here anyway.

TWTLF "

The only way to check who is responsible for the fence is by checking the deeds. The fence posts are irrelevant. I have fence on 3 sides in my back garden - the posts are all in neighbours gardens. But the fence to the left and the back are our responsibility whilst the fence to the right is NDN's - although previous occupant tried to tell us it was ours as he had the posts! The deeds show otherwise.

OP Check your deeds to see whose fence it is. Regardless, get the panel fixed as you've got guys on site who can do it quickly - may take neighbour months to get someone to turn up to do such a small job. If it is neighbours fence just tell her that, but that you will replace the panel as a neighbourly jesture on this occasion but going forward it's hers to deal with.

Don't give her a reason to get the upper hand. She's not going anywhere fast.

I’ll check the deeds, I’m sure the solicitor would have sent them as part of the purchase documentation. Here’s the fence/missing bit from our side, if that’s any use. I did think the direction mattered, but it sounds like legally it doesn’t.

Yes, she is a PITA but pick your battles and just replace the fence panel.

Sounds like the fence panel is your issue, look it up on the deeds for clarity

we have problem neighbours, they wanted to control literally everything we did. They went all in far too early and it was clearly not going to happen. It’s taken 4 years of legal shit to put them in their place once and for all. I still hate them, that wont change, but at least we have the right to have our windows cleaned without asking fucking permission.

im not even joking.

we were never creating noise/issues etc but they were stopping vans and delivery people coming the the house over the shared drive . these people even told us “you should have found out how things are up here before you bought the place” I did reply, “and you should have found out just who you’re fucking with… ”

as I said, our lot went in far too far far too early and didn’t want us to live freely in our home, wanted to involve themselves in everything, stopped workmen they had working for them from working for us too, threatened and assaulted drivers delivering

the only reason they got away with it was because they’re old.

your case is a bit different in that you have works and that does lead to noise and a bit of disruption, so yeah, you do need to be mindful of that and make sure that if you are making a gesture, that you specifically make it clear that you’re doing this because of the building works etc.

otherwise, be very clear that you’re being considerate, that you’re going to live your life as you would do otherwise, that you’re mindful of others and expect the same from her. If any of your workmen park over her drive, absolutely flag it up or ask them herself to move, and by the same token, you would expect her to Park considerately and generally be neighbourly.

people only control if you let them and being firm from the outset is the only way to get her to back off and mind her own.

Find a scrap panel on Facebook or in the scrap heap and get the builder to stick it on. Job done.

Although it may be her fence, I will say if it was complete before the building work began and a panel got knocked out by your builders then replace it with a scrap panel and avoid contact with her.

This is not true at all. The only way to know whose fence it is is to look on both sets of deeds for who is responsible for the boundary. Also a receipt showing who actually paid for the fence.

Look on gov.uk for rules on fences

Although it may be her fence, I will say if it was complete before the building work began and a panel got knocked out by your builders then replace it with a scrap panel and avoid contact with her.

It wasn’t - by her own admission there was a gap there before, the previous owners of my place just placed a disused bit of wood in front of it.

@MzHz I think we are fairly considerate people and we really don’t have parties or even bbqs, but I do have three kids under five and you know… kids gonna kid.

The previous owner literally had a mechanic’s workshop here so I think we will be an improvement.

Oh!! Well if that’s the case, find a scrap piece of wood in the tip and glue it on with PVA glue. She’s lucky to get that in my opinion especially as the fence was incomplete before you arrived.