My neighbour is showing all the signs of being a PITA

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

All v minor at the moment but a faint alarm bell is starting to ring and I wonder if IABU.

Moved house in January (detached house but in a busy, built up bit of London). This neighbour lives next door. Came to introduce herself and told us that she’d lived here for 20 years and that it was a very peaceful area <hard stare>. Peaceful. Just kept reiterating it. It isn’t a particularly peaceful area (we moved from two minutes away), but I got the message. We were about to start building works but I apologised for any noise and explained we’d do our best to minimise disruption.

At some point she seemed to think we were away (we weren’t, our car was) and started parking across our garage. After the second day of this I left a note on the car - “Hey neighbour, please don’t block our garage - we need access for our works. Thanks!”

The blocking stops, but she started to park so close to the garage that it’s practically quite difficult to use. I don’t say anything.

A month passes. She knocks on our door and says, “You know that note you left on my car? Well your builder is blocking me in” and points to a van that I’ve never seen before. I explain that our builder has a van with his logo all over it and I have no idea whose van that is but it isn’t ours/our trademens’. She glares at me for a few minutes while I talk and then stomps off, no apology. She stops parking badly though.

Today she knocked again. Our builder threw a dismantled shed away, and in doing so revealed a missing fence panel between our houses. She’s not happy and wants it replaced. (To be clear our builder didn’t detach anything- the bit of shed wall had just hidden the missing bit of fence from our side, but would always have been obvious to her.) I agreed without thinking too much - the builder is here anyway and it’s two minutes’ work, plus she is, above stuff aside, putting up with about four months and counting of hammering, drilling etc and I don’t want to be petty.

But now I’m thinking about this and getting a bit grumpy. It’s her fence afaics (as in, she has the face of it). The missing panel isn’t my problem. And I’m getting pain the ass vibes.

Wwyd? I’m minded to swallow this but then be rather less accommodating with whatever the next thing is.

If she has the face-off the fence, and you have the posts, then it is your fence, not hers, and your responsibility, I'm afraid. (unless she's one of these bumholes who doesn't want to see the posts, so build their fences "inside out". I would check your deeds to see who is responsible for it. (You might be able to tell by the way the fences are facing down the rest of the street.)

The parking carry on would annoy me though - but as you say, you are having extensive building work done and want to keep on good terms if you possibly can. It might be worth putting a panel in for that alone even if it isn'y your fence, though I would make it clear that this is a goodwill gesture and it's only happening because you are having building work done anyway, in case she sees this as a victory and tries t build on it.

Does she live allone? If not, what's her husband/ partner like?

yes, i have just read that the fence has now been mended

Agree with this.

How's your husband is he okay?

Wwyd? I’m minded to swallow this but then be rather less accommodating with whatever the next thing is

It won't behove you to have that attitude - what's the point of keeping a set to your jaw. It will remove any goodwill that might be established once your building work is complete.

Remember, after the months of disruption, dust, noise etc, you'll have a shiny new extension or whatever. Your NDN on the other hand will have had the months of disruption, dust, noise etc and nothing to show for it, so bear that in mind.

Neighbourhood disputes start small and can escalate if both neighbours decide to tit-for-tat. If one of you doesn't ignite the fire, it will go out. Otherwise it's just childish and shows a lack of social intelligence, a choice, so pick your attitude because it will stand you in good stead for all the years you'll live next door.

It's not a fence panel. It's a single plank of wood missing that would cost about £10. Your only problem would be finding a piece trashed enough to blend in with the rest. I can't believe anyone would even bother talking about this instead of fixing it in 5 minutes.

Then why can't the miserable neighbour do it herself if it's that easy.

OP has posted that house is DETACHED though not in a terrace or semi.

There may well be some noise that can be heard from outside and to a lesser extent inside but I don’t see how the neighbour would be getting disruption and dust? Unless she’s telling her tradies to block the road (which my utter cunt of a new neighbour did, we lived in a cul de sac, went on for 2 years and police called about it!).

Exactly. Either the neighbour or the OP could have it done in minutes without any drama.

"Detached" nowadays could mean you can hardly get a fag paper between the properties.

the main point of my advice (that you missed) is that it isn't advisable to string out a disagreement with a NDN unnecessarily, which was the OPs original question as to whether they WBU about that. You have to keep living with them long after the builders' vans have gone and the dust has settled, so keep it amicable.

Let her know that you've discovered that the fence is hers and for her to fix.

She's trouble.

You must be firm and reserved with her. Just distant, pleasant but no push over...she'll learn.

They are really quite far apart @daisychain01 (not new houses, either of them). It makes her parking phase weirder still - she could comfortably have parked 5/10 metres away.

Where does she say she found that out?

She's defo a Pita and needs to be 'managed' so paint on a smile and politely parry her complaints but do what you want, especially if you intend to stay and enjoy your house. Good luck!

Yes, this is what I would think too..builders leave their vans and trucks all over the place and there's nowhere for anyone to park.
The noise, the skips, dust everywhere.
I had to put up with this from three neighbours during last year and it drove me crackers.🙄

The fancy side generally faces away from the owners, not towards.
Best check your registration with the Land Registry as that's the only definite proof of whose fence it is, and at the moment, it looks like it's yours.

The posts are on your side therefore the fence is yours. I would just replace the panel and then ignore her.

I'd probably do the fence panel as a quid pro quo for the inconvenience of building works. It really is annoying but obviously it happens.

The panel was replaced about three pages ago folks.

Fences, one of the biggest causes of neigbour disputes.
Assuming ownership can be fraught with problems. Whatever you decide to do, I would put it in writing what your expectations are. Eg as a gesture of goodwill I'm replacing the missing fence panel but for clarity the fence remains your responsibility.

Verbal means nothing, is easily forgotten and twisted in our minds. Written is much more formal and long lasting, though still may not be clear or legally binding though.

I’m amazed at the amount of responses like this. Kicking up a fuss or making life difficult for neighbours who are having building work done will only come back and bite you if you ever need to do it yourself.

Most people won't be in the position to get building work done in the future, so probably not relevant to her.

Quite