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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbour is showing all the signs of being a PITA

173 replies

TheWayTheLightFalls · 14/07/2023 08:37

All v minor at the moment but a faint alarm bell is starting to ring and I wonder if IABU.

Moved house in January (detached house but in a busy, built up bit of London). This neighbour lives next door. Came to introduce herself and told us that she’d lived here for 20 years and that it was a very peaceful area <hard stare>. Peaceful. Just kept reiterating it. It isn’t a particularly peaceful area (we moved from two minutes away), but I got the message. We were about to start building works but I apologised for any noise and explained we’d do our best to minimise disruption.

At some point she seemed to think we were away (we weren’t, our car was) and started parking across our garage. After the second day of this I left a note on the car - “Hey neighbour, please don’t block our garage - we need access for our works. Thanks!”

The blocking stops, but she started to park so close to the garage that it’s practically quite difficult to use. I don’t say anything.

A month passes. She knocks on our door and says, “You know that note you left on my car? Well your builder is blocking me in” and points to a van that I’ve never seen before. I explain that our builder has a van with his logo all over it and I have no idea whose van that is but it isn’t ours/our trademens’. She glares at me for a few minutes while I talk and then stomps off, no apology. She stops parking badly though.

Today she knocked again. Our builder threw a dismantled shed away, and in doing so revealed a missing fence panel between our houses. She’s not happy and wants it replaced. (To be clear our builder didn’t detach anything- the bit of shed wall had just hidden the missing bit of fence from our side, but would always have been obvious to her.) I agreed without thinking too much - the builder is here anyway and it’s two minutes’ work, plus she is, above stuff aside, putting up with about four months and counting of hammering, drilling etc and I don’t want to be petty.

But now I’m thinking about this and getting a bit grumpy. It’s her fence afaics (as in, she has the face of it). The missing panel isn’t my problem. And I’m getting pain the ass vibes.

Wwyd? I’m minded to swallow this but then be rather less accommodating with whatever the next thing is.

OP posts:
Sunnydaysarentagiveneveninjuly · 14/07/2023 12:14

Bet she took it off years ago to nosey at the previous owners... Until they put a shed there...

Jibo · 14/07/2023 12:30

TheWayTheLightFalls · 14/07/2023 11:48

I’ll check the deeds, I’m sure the solicitor would have sent them as part of the purchase documentation. Here’s the fence/missing bit from our side, if that’s any use. I did think the direction mattered, but it sounds like legally it doesn’t.

So it's actually just one plank missing, not a whole panel? Tell her you'll be happy to have your builder fill in the gap for privacy but it may not look very nice. She is a CF if she wants that whole section replaced!

Tippexy · 14/07/2023 12:39

ohtowinthelottery · 14/07/2023 11:45

The only way to check who is responsible for the fence is by checking the deeds. The fence posts are irrelevant. I have fence on 3 sides in my back garden - the posts are all in neighbours gardens. But the fence to the left and the back are our responsibility whilst the fence to the right is NDN's - although previous occupant tried to tell us it was ours as he had the posts! The deeds show otherwise.

OP Check your deeds to see whose fence it is. Regardless, get the panel fixed as you've got guys on site who can do it quickly - may take neighbour months to get someone to turn up to do such a small job. If it is neighbours fence just tell her that, but that you will replace the panel as a neighbourly jesture on this occasion but going forward it's hers to deal with.

Don't give her a reason to get the upper hand. She's not going anywhere fast.

Deeds don't mention fences do they?

ohtowinthelottery · 14/07/2023 12:54

@Tippexy I guess it depends on the age of the property but my 1990's property definitely shows boundary responsibility as a red T on the boundary line on the deeds

Teapot13 · 14/07/2023 13:00

We wrote notes to our neighbors on each side with a restaurant voucher when we did a big renovation. It’s a pain for them.

LookItsMeAgain · 14/07/2023 13:10

Is there any way to attach it on your side?

To me that looks like a single wooden slat has fallen off and into her garden if you've taken that photo from your garden. I would think it's her responsibility to replace it but you could offer to see if there is any recoverable wood from the works that you're having done but it's as a courtesy.

She definitely seems like she is on the verge of moving out of the nice neighbour zone and into the crazy neighbour zone.

Any idea why the previous occupants of your house sold up???

HelloFreshed · 14/07/2023 13:14

Heck, stick a piece of cardboard up but certainly don’t go above and beyond as it’s not your problem anyway.

Original poster
TheWayTheLightFalls · 14/07/2023 13:16

Any idea why the previous occupants of your house sold up???

Nothing ominous I think - older couple, kids had flown the nest, they wanted to move back home.

Yes, I agree with your assessment. I did ask her, when she came over, if she was happy with another panel on this side, that side etc, and she said "literally anything". It sounded like she just didn't want us seeing in, from her tone. Even though that bit of fence is just from our driveway area into her side garden - no one's going to be seeing any action on either side I imagine!

OP posts:
Wilkolampshade · 14/07/2023 13:43

Just do it, and move on. She's not making a fuss, just wants her privacy restored. Also, if you do it, you get to control how it looks.

oi0Y0io · 14/07/2023 13:46

Could you take her in a fight?

LemonsOnTheMelons · 14/07/2023 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StellaJohanna · 14/07/2023 13:49

Don't be petty and make an enemy for life. Your building work is going to hell for her to live with. Show some goodwill.

DismantledKing · 14/07/2023 13:50

She sounds like a nutcase. Unfortunately some people just are.

Phos · 14/07/2023 14:25

Some neighbours are just like this and think because they were there first, they own the street. We've one next door who threw a hissy fit when we wanted to cut our leylandii down (horrible horrible trees) because she relies on ours to plug the gaps in the ones her side of the fence.

Anxioys · 14/07/2023 14:26

Low energy with someone like this, be polite and fix and fence.

sunglassesonthetable · 14/07/2023 14:45

*She’s having to put up with a hell of a lot from you and three noisy kids who you excuse as “kids gonna kid”, so that tells us all we need to know about your parenting.
*

And OPs already been putting up with her shit parking.

This post tells everyone on here all we need to know about you tbh.

nhsteabags · 14/07/2023 15:00

HelloFreshed · 14/07/2023 11:54

Although it may be her fence, I will say if it was complete before the building work began and a panel got knocked out by your builders then replace it with a scrap panel and avoid contact with her.

Re-read her post again! She states it was already missing, the shed was covering it and the neighbour would of seen it.

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 15:22

SaleOfTwoTitties · 14/07/2023 08:41

All sounds very petty. She is putting up with all your disruption.

This. You need to live there. Chose to do it for the sake of a hassle free life

Gnoblin · 14/07/2023 15:22

If she has the “good”side of the fence then it is probably yours. It’s only recently that people started keeping the good side inwards looking. Saying that, there is no compulsion for you to keep it. If she wants a fence she can put up her own one. In this situation I would go with your first instinct. Why prod the bear? You don’t know if something will come up that will make you wish you had a bit of good will from her.

Anyotherdude · 14/07/2023 16:16

You’re supposed to install your fence so that the face of it is outside your garden, so you can’t assume that the missing panel forms part of her fence…

JANFEBMAR23 · 14/07/2023 16:23

Your deads will show an outline on your land as to what you are responsible for.

OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 14/07/2023 16:34

For goodness sake stop being so petty and get your builder to fix the fence.

Anxioys · 14/07/2023 16:36

Good fences make good neighbours OP.

Hyggesaurus · 14/07/2023 16:40

HelloFreshed · 14/07/2023 11:13

Replace it and avoid contact with her in future.

I don’t get why a lot of people on MN have something against building works being done. As annoying as it may be to have building works done; sometimes it’s necessary and as respectful as you can be about it, you can’t please everyone.

My neighbours had building works done on their home not too long ago for a few weeks and as noisy as it was; I understand they have to do it to either maintain or improve their home. Certainly no reason to be arsey about it.

A few weeks, yeah. This is 4 months. Four months' disruption must be hell.

msbevvy · 14/07/2023 17:38

It is probably your fence if she has the good side but I would just fix it anyway if I were in your shoes. It will only cost a couple of quid for a new board.

https://www.travisperkins.co.uk/feather-edge-boards/22mm-x-125mm-x-1-8m-brown-treated-featheredge-fencing-board-2ex/p/939190

https://www.travisperkins.co.uk/feather-edge-boards/22mm-x-125mm-x-1-8m-brown-treated-featheredge-fencing-board-2ex/p/939190