My neighbour is showing all the signs of being a PITA

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

All v minor at the moment but a faint alarm bell is starting to ring and I wonder if IABU.

Moved house in January (detached house but in a busy, built up bit of London). This neighbour lives next door. Came to introduce herself and told us that she’d lived here for 20 years and that it was a very peaceful area <hard stare>. Peaceful. Just kept reiterating it. It isn’t a particularly peaceful area (we moved from two minutes away), but I got the message. We were about to start building works but I apologised for any noise and explained we’d do our best to minimise disruption.

At some point she seemed to think we were away (we weren’t, our car was) and started parking across our garage. After the second day of this I left a note on the car - “Hey neighbour, please don’t block our garage - we need access for our works. Thanks!”

The blocking stops, but she started to park so close to the garage that it’s practically quite difficult to use. I don’t say anything.

A month passes. She knocks on our door and says, “You know that note you left on my car? Well your builder is blocking me in” and points to a van that I’ve never seen before. I explain that our builder has a van with his logo all over it and I have no idea whose van that is but it isn’t ours/our trademens’. She glares at me for a few minutes while I talk and then stomps off, no apology. She stops parking badly though.

Today she knocked again. Our builder threw a dismantled shed away, and in doing so revealed a missing fence panel between our houses. She’s not happy and wants it replaced. (To be clear our builder didn’t detach anything- the bit of shed wall had just hidden the missing bit of fence from our side, but would always have been obvious to her.) I agreed without thinking too much - the builder is here anyway and it’s two minutes’ work, plus she is, above stuff aside, putting up with about four months and counting of hammering, drilling etc and I don’t want to be petty.

But now I’m thinking about this and getting a bit grumpy. It’s her fence afaics (as in, she has the face of it). The missing panel isn’t my problem. And I’m getting pain the ass vibes.

Wwyd? I’m minded to swallow this but then be rather less accommodating with whatever the next thing is.

What @billy1966 said.

with some people it doesn’t matter if you’re being kind/polite/normal.

they’re not any of those things and only looking to impose control on you. Her “peace” remarks were down to the kids she expects you to keep quiet.

of course they don’t get to scream and yell all day in the garden, but don’t let this woman have an inch. Be decidedly cool and don’t engage.

our neighbours are well known for their appalling behaviour but many in the village like to suck up

Doesn’t sound like your neighbour is in the same league so carry on, be you and don’t engage.

Having read your updates about the previous owner having a mechanics yard or similar, I imagine she had a lot of noise from them and is nervous it’s going to be more noise from you. I’d get that panel put back in and just don’t get too involved until you see how it pans out with her.

"sing the blinking Matilda soundtrack while walking up the road to school. We’re considerate people and I don’t think we’re especially loud or thoughtless about the people around us."

I do think singing while walking up the road is a problem, unless it's very quiet.

Continuous building work next door is horrendous to live with. We had new neighbours move in whilst I was on maternity leave. I had a 2 month old that just couldn’t nap in the day due to the sheer volume of noise. It was endless and completely ruined my time with my son. It started to creep into Sundays as well so that’s when me and my husband completely flipped. We’d been very tolerant and patient up until then. It caused a massive falling out as the work was so intrusive and noisy. It went on for months on end so we finally moved out of a house that we loved because of the sheer selfishness of that family.

I feel for your neighbour - I really do.

😄

@TheWayTheLightFalls

plus she is, above stuff aside, putting up with about four months and counting of hammering, drilling etc

I think you should be aware how annoying building work is. We had a neighbour who was having work done in the first lockdown & I was trying to juggle work & kids. All I could hear was an annoying beep every time their vehicle reversed, the banging about & also builders radio.

She gets no benefit from your building work. You should be getting her some cakes or wine as a thank you for putting up with it all.

YABU. Having building work next door, no matter how "necessary" you say it is, is a nightmare and your sole responsibility towards her is to make it as painless as possible. It doesn't matter if she is being annoying. Of the two of you, YOU are being considerably more annoying with the noise and disruption of house renovations. Just suck it up, be a nice neighbour and it'll be over soon enough.

Those are the kind of neighbours where their behaviour escalates. I know from experience. You need to nip it in the bud just now and let her know you're not standing for her nonsense.

This. Our neighbours moved into the old primary school next to us once it closed. Their major building works have been stop start for 7 years. Every summer they start a new,noisy, dirty building project that means we can't sit peacefully in our garden for at least a month at a time. They went to France for 7 weeks one year because they couldn't stand the noise and clouds of dust from their own bloody work. Their adult son moved back and got a dog that barked for hours on end during lockdown. They locked it outside because they couldn't cope with the noise inside. I can well understand why people murder their neighbours. Do not under estimate the disruption to your neighbours Op. Is the radio on all day. Are they using fuck and cunt in every single sentence they utter. Is any mess going anywhere near her property. And yes you should replace the fence panel. You have moved a shed for your benefit. It has created a hole. Buy an appropriate panel and do a beautiful job.

Replace the panel to keep the peace,never mind the legalities of it.
She might be a bit annoying but so is living next to renovation work.
I would suggest that you try and communicate face to face rather than leaving notes. It's much better to understand the tone, as notes can be misconstrued as angry or agitated even if they're not meant to.
After the building works, drop around a gift as an appreciation of accepting the inconvenience of the noise and disruption. At least then you will have done your very best to smooth things over. Not getting on with a neighbour is difficult so better to remain cordial. Neighbour disputes are required on sales declarations so can affect the attractiveness of your home when selling.

Absolutely and a lot of time it mentions maintaining a boundary, not an actual fence, the boundary could be a piece of string.

Op. Is the radio on all day. Are they using fuck and cunt in every single sentence they utter. Is any mess going anywhere near her property.

No, no and no. My builders are three religious Ecuadorian chaps and no one has the radio on because I’m in the house myself and asked them to keep it down.

🙄

Perhaps they could mime the words as they tiptoe along the pavement.

That would be funny actually 😂

Or just be revolting children and call it a morning?

I have no idea what this means, tbh I'm not familiar with Matilda, but my goddaughter was raised to be quiet and have outdoor voice etc and I love her, and her parents, to bits.

Not all builders are awful. My neighbour had a huge job done and they were very respectful of her neighbours.

Finished at 6, no weekend work.

It isn’t going to be before 8/8:30 though, it’s not like the kids are making noise going up the road at 6!

she is a PITA. I would sort the fence out just to keep her at bay and moving forward, have as little to do with her as possible.

Make good the fence. She's had four months of disruption and it's no big deal. Pick your battles and stay clear-headed.

Try and understand what it might be like from her pov. When we moved into this house years ago the first knock on the door was from a neighbour who issued similar 'this is a quiet area' warnings. We said that was great, we had sussed the road out and chosen the house because it was peaceful. We dread the day either of our quiet elderly neighbours depart.

We've had building work going on next door to us for almost four years.It's a job that should've taken several months but our neighbour keeps running out of money and sending the builders away.
His builders have also had to spend a lot of time making good damage to our property and the path on one side of our house still looks like the site of an earthquake.
Your neighbour still sounds like a bigger PITA than mine though OP.

That should read 'it's a job'.

The dog is resting her head on my keyboard again.

Some posters have said they don't understand why others can't tolerate building work nearby. I had a house on my street turned into an HMO, and the building work started at 8am every day for nearly a year, with weekly skips being collected on Sunday mornings, and it significantly impacted on my sleep due to my working pattern. It was a big issue for parking, our cars frequently got covered in dust, our bins would sometimes not be collected and parcels not delivered because the work vehicles prevented larger vehicles from fitting in our street. I am extremely laid back and tolerant of human and animal noise in my lively street, but this was something else as it was so relentless. It does sound like this isn't the situation with you, but my response is for those that can't understand the issue.

OP, your neighbour does sound insufferable, but in my opinion, standing up to is extremely unlikely to quell the situation. As much as she doesn't deserve it, I'd be tempted to tackle the situation a way that doesn't seem fair, but is most likely to actually have an impact. Kill her with kindness. Send her cakes or flowers or something and apologise for having to put up with any recent inconveniences. Ask her to keep an eye on your house when you are away. Chat to her and ask her how she is whenever you see her. You need neighbours like this on your side, not years of dispute.

You get a loud one or you dont. You can encourage quietness when necessary but some children and adults are just naturally loud.