Not being "feminine" does not make me any less female

[orangeleavesinautumn]

I have no boobs, short hair, men's clothes, no make up, very little jewellery etc.

But I am 100% female.

So don't ask me my pronouns. You can see I am a woman

Well it’s a bit more complicated than that. If I’m talking about someone who uses ‘they’ to someone else. Then I have to use they. Even tho I think they is nonsense. So the other day, I said ‘she’s really good at that’. Which was wrong according to the person I was talking to.

Well, I think that other person is wrong to try to compel your speech and 'correct' you for automatically using the correct sex pronoun. You don't have to use 'they' in this situation.

I totally get what you mean. And that’s exactly what I thought until it actually happened. People I’ve been spending time with at a hobby for nearly a year. And then this happens. I like those people.

If, however, a grown man was ‘confused’ and wanted to join a women’s group, refuge, toilet whatever then that’s a different issue due to the safety concern and I would have to speak out.

I’m not actually disagreeing with you, I think ‘they’ is a load of nonsense.

YANBU. 99.99% of the time it is blindingly obvious whether someone is male or female (I have met one person - in my entire life - where I genuinely couldn't tell, especially as they wore a very androgynous look).

It's a safe bet that the sort of people who want to force non-standard pronouns on others will damn well tell you what their pronouns are, whether you wanted to know or not.

That's probably it. They have this particularly annoying habit of screwing up their faces in disgust whenever someone uses female pronouns for them. It feels so over the top and dramatic.

I have two boys with long hair and people have always mistaken them for girls. I used to just drop a few 'hes' into the conversation which would clear things up but that has recently led to people assuming that he is a girl that wants to be known as 'he' and that I'm policing that on his behalf. It's a weird dichotomy that results in opposite assumptions and I find it awkward to try and clarify without getting into a bit of an intense conversation with a stranger at the park!

Absolutely yanbu

I’m more feminine and won’t enable gender ideology

So don't ask me my pronouns

Who is asking you for your pronouns?
I have not once been asked.

I feel that women can almost always tell if a man is trying to look like a woman but men aren’t as good at telling

At my gym one of the instructors is what might be called a trans woman. I said this to DH and DH insists “but she’s called (Jane)” so cannot be male. I know this person is male.

I have however been thrown by some young women who consider themselves trans men because they seem like a “boy”

In a world we live in today where there so many genders/ pronouns and terminologies to consider- I can only imagine people are asking you your pronoun to avoid causing offence.

I get mistaken for a man sometimes. I look masculine in many ways but I’m 100% female. I love being a woman. I have never been asked my pronouns though - if I was I would like to think I’d share your righteous anger. But I’d probably just shrink and cry.

And achieving precisely the opposite.
People with unexpected pronouns can let others know. A meeting organiser can find a way to allow anyone with unusual names etc let others know how to refer to them.

What's certainly unacceptable is if it's only the OP who is being asked this, based on what sounds like rather unremarkable appearance - women have been wearing trousers and short hair for decades now without anyone doubting their sex.

I agree with you, but don’t blame the person who asked the question; blame those who have made natural genders irrelevant 🤷‍♀️

I must say it is nice not to have to deal with the pronoun nonsense in my country where there's only hän for everyone

YANBU OP, its offensive to ask gender non-conforming people their pronouns, exactly the same as kids asking me if I was a boy or a girl when I was younger because I had short hair and refused to wear dresses.

That’s just nonsense.

I would also blame the person, who has bought into the bullshit rather than applying critical thinking to the issue.

This is exactly the issue.

Of course boys can wear their hair long if they choose to, it is just one way of being a boy, just as I can have short hair if I choose to, it is one way of being female.

How and when did these ridiculous iron clad restriction descend on us, saying women MUST look feminine, and boys MUST wear short hair and trousers - or else they are trans!!!!

OP I love you a little bit. There are plenty of us in the wild who can't stand this regressive nonsense either. It feels just so bloody narcissistic.

Some people have said, why not just state your pronouns as "she/her".

I would have no problem with this if it just meant "I'm female".

However, it seems to mean "I am on board with gender ideology and I identify as a feminine person".

This is why I dread being asked pronouns. I don't know how to answer in a way that says "I have no issue with trans people but I don't personally buy in to gender ideology and I'd assume you'll use she/her for me as I'm female but I'm not overly bothered either way". Without making it a big thing or sounding like a knob.

It's like being called 'cis'. It's implying you buy into an ideology, and use its terms.

I don't think the torpedo/jailer analogy is at all far-fetched.

It's all nonsense but you have to accept that you may be mislabelled occasionally.

One of the lads at dds uni was small and very feminine in features and softly spoken, he often got called miss (not helped by having a name that could be either). He wasn't trans or gay and is married but even now they get mistaken as a same sex couple.

Would she? I've been referred to as he simply because of my name, rather than my appearance. Had a laugh, couldn't say I was bothered. Why would I be?

YANBu Op.

I have a real aversion - contempt really - to/for the gender nonsense movement.

Growing up, I wasn't terribly feminine nor particularly pretty. In fact, I was constantly called ugly and a boy and the mean girls would tell me tojoin the boys teams during play breaks.

It didn't bother me too much at the time as I knew I was female and the issue was theirs - still is.

This movement, to me, feels like the bullies have won. I don't think for the most part that these people asking are confused about a person's sex at all. Its all about conformity to their cult.

As an adult, I'm still not particularly feminine or pretty but nobody has ever mistaken me for being male.

My 5 year old daughter, on the hand, is supremely pretty but because I dressee her in a blue sunsuit a few days ago and she has short hair, a stranger referred to her as my son. Girls can't even seem to wear blue anymore without all this coming up again - people have lost their damn minds.

Exactly.
Just as pink fluffy bunny ears, false breasts and cross sex hormones don't turn a man into a female. Pronouns and prefixes can fuck off.

OK alright then

I agree, it's ridiculous, regressive, and utterly offensive for people to assume that because youre gender non-conforming you must have some sort of delusion to go along with it.
Fuck that and the horse it rode in on.

Oh but you wear mens clothes!
Yeah, because im 5'9 and any top designed for a woman ends either at my navel or well before my wrist begins. FFS.