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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dreads his day with our son?

317 replies

HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:05

Okay, so firstly he loves our son and adores him. I’m not hating on him. However once a week he had looks after him whilst I work, (he does shift work so works out he can do childcare once a week) he car share and I need the car for work, so they have to use to bus to get into town (it’s a 5 minute bus ride) there isn’t a huge amount to do in town, they is a small soft play and park, however DS loves to just be out and on the bus. DH always seems down when it’s his day to have DS because it’s boring going into town doing the same thing. I then feel so guilty, I want them to have a lovely day together. His argument is if he had a car he could take him to groups and do different activities, however we cannot afford another car at this time. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed it’s such chore for him once a week?

OP posts:
RoyalImpatience · 14/07/2023 10:03

Surely it's very much worth the petrol money so he can enjoy three precious moments with his son?
What will give more life valued?

Trenda · 14/07/2023 10:11

HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:10

I’ve suggested this, but he doesn’t want to waste the petrol money

He knows a 2nd car will need fuel too right?

Rachykins · 14/07/2023 10:13

So you offer a solution about him keeping the car and just dropping and picking you up and that’s still not good enough and he blames petrol money to be the reason? Surely that makes no sense, it’s the petrol you use to take yourself to work and back anyway 😂

it sounds like he just can’t be bothered, dreads the fact he has to parent on his own for a day and therefore sulks on his 1 poxy day of the week he has to do it. Someone that won’t accept a reasonable solution or even try.. is 100% just being a total whinge bag.

Kindofcrunchy · 14/07/2023 10:15

Happytohelp2 · 13/07/2023 23:26

Hope he’s got a birthday coming up: Rainy Day Toddler Activity Book: 100+ Fun Early Learning Activities for Inside Play (Toddler Activity Books) amzn.eu/d/dAUN7pS Next birthday present…

maybe include a paint box, glue stick, paper etc.

Why does it need to be his birthday to buy a book and some basic craft stuff?

Rachykins · 14/07/2023 10:16

^^ missed a part out about the petrol- he’s wanting to go out and about with DC anyway thus using more petrol. If you’re work place is relatively close then I don’t see the huge issue.

waltzingparrot · 14/07/2023 10:18

Can't he get the bus to the local leisure centre/library? - bet there's a kids activity going on there.

You could suggest he starts a meet up group - put a call out on SM - hold it at your house if he can't get to a venue 😁

ButImNotOldEnough · 14/07/2023 10:19

YABU to think this is your problem to sort, it’s not. Your DH is an equal parent, if he’s disliking the things they do together then it’s on him to come up with ideas to resolve it.

Chunt · 14/07/2023 10:19

It sounds a bit as if you're micromanaging your husband. Maybe he doesn't want to go on a bus or to soft play. Maybe he'd rather put the radio on and do stuff at home, or get on with some jobs at home with DS "helping" him. Stop worrying about what he's doing, and just let him get on with it. If he's genuinely a dick who's sulking about looking after his child, still just let him get on with it.

sashh · 14/07/2023 10:20

Saschka · 13/07/2023 23:16

Just likes whinging then?

Show quote history

If he dropped you at work then carried on to somewhere it wouldn't be a waste would it?

A taxi would be cheaper than a second car and if he used a taxi to get to groups / clubs I'm sure another parent would offer a lift.

MenArentMindReaders · 14/07/2023 10:22

Just leave him to it. Don't problem solve for him, he's an adult he needs to find his way.

Lolapusht · 14/07/2023 10:22

DH needs to woman up and get on with it.

Being a parent can be phenomenally boring but you just do it. Go for a walk, go on a different bus journey, go on-line and find any of the literal millions of suggestions for what to do with a child of X age.

Dont whinge, don’t buy another car, just do it.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 14/07/2023 10:22

Can DH ride a bike? Maybe a bike and trailer might be an idea. Lots on FC round by us. If DS likes observing things bike rides would be just as good and they could explore new places and have adventures. I am an IVF mum and I sometimes find entertaining my DC hard and draining, so I don't think it's fair for some posters to say the DH 'obviously doesn't love DC'

cestlavielife · 14/07/2023 10:24

Yup it s his job to find a solution
"He loves his child "
It s One day a week on his own with child !

GoodChat · 14/07/2023 10:25

cestlavielife · 14/07/2023 10:24

Yup it s his job to find a solution
"He loves his child "
It s One day a week on his own with child !

OP's thread title is goady. He doesn't hate his time with his child. He just wants more freedom.

Popcorn640 · 14/07/2023 10:26

People saying he doesn't love your son is exasperating. You can love your child and not love having long periods of time being their sole entertainment and doing things like soft play - we all find joy in different things. I could never be a stay at home mum - I'd go mad - but that doesn't make me a less good parent, or mean I love my child less.

I agree with PP that you encourage him that it's worth the extra petrol money if it will mean they enjoy that time together - maybe every other week, as a compromise.

ManateeFair · 14/07/2023 10:27

You have offered him a solution to the problem, which is to drop you off at work and then go off somewhere with DS, but he has refused this because he 'doesn't want to spend the petrol money'. This is his problem, not yours. He has made a choice. He wouldn't even have to drop you off every week - he could just do it occasionally to take DS somewhere different now and again.

Also, children don't have to be taken out somewhere every bloody day of their lives. He could do things with DS at home sometimes. He could take DS somewhere different on a bus. He only has to do this ONE DAY A WEEK. He's a wet lettuce who needs to stop whining.

aSofaNearYou · 14/07/2023 10:30

I mean, it's one day a week. If he doesn't want to go into town he could just stay at home. He doesn't have to go out every single day of his life.

mrsdarthlord · 14/07/2023 10:34

How far is your work there and back? (miles and timewise)

sweepleall · 14/07/2023 10:36

I am surprised by the people suggesting staying at home. As toddlers and preschoolers, mine were awful to deal with at home all day. We have lots of toys and a garden but they just really needed an outing every day. Not necessarily a super fancy outing but at least a walk to the local library or a scoot around the block.

But maybe mine are weird!

HeadNorth · 14/07/2023 10:37

HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:10

I’ve suggested this, but he doesn’t want to waste the petrol money

But what is his solution then? I honestly don't see why this is your problem to solve.

Peachy2005 · 14/07/2023 10:39

I’m sure others have said same but “he doesn’t want to waste petrol money” once a week versus the huge cost of having a second (mostly unnecessary) car?! He needs to grow up, poor lambikins, being so bored one whole day a week ffs

EL8888 · 14/07/2023 10:41

It’s one day a week?! He needs to suck it up. I wouldn’t be trying to solve it in anyway, that’s his thing to do

MsRosley · 14/07/2023 10:42

Windercar · 13/07/2023 23:35

Stop parenting your husband. Why is he not on here asking for tips on what to do. Sounds like another sad loser dad

Yes, this is his problem to solve, not yours, OP.

aSofaNearYou · 14/07/2023 10:42

sweepleall · 14/07/2023 10:36

I am surprised by the people suggesting staying at home. As toddlers and preschoolers, mine were awful to deal with at home all day. We have lots of toys and a garden but they just really needed an outing every day. Not necessarily a super fancy outing but at least a walk to the local library or a scoot around the block.

But maybe mine are weird!

My DD wasn't like this, she was a toddler during Covid and we were in most days. We're still home a lot now really. She doesn't particularly get overhyped like people on here describe from their children. I certainly don't feel like she needs an outing every day, and we'd be pretty poor if she got one!

Brefugee · 14/07/2023 10:44

HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:22

I’m worried I’ve explained it unfairly on his part, he doe’s honestly love playing with DS and makes him laugh all the time. He just struggles that on my days with DS I have I have the car and attend groups and see mum friends (he works near to home so doesn’t require the car on work days). I would struggle not having a car, but it’s only once a week, and he takes DS on the bus to the soft play or park. I know I have better social life with DS but that’s because I’ve made the effort to meet mums etc

he's a bit useless despite your protestations.
Why don't they bake at home? do crafts? learn to do cleaning together...