What is going on with British kids?

[FrenchAreDoingSomethingRight]

On holiday in France. An upmarket holiday camp and we are the only British family here. It was recommended by a French friend and I didn't realise it only has French families on holiday

Dinner is set 3 course dinner. My kids are 5 and 3. My older boy has ADHD we think (referred by school), our younger one doesn't as far as we know. Both kids are trying their hardest at dinner. There is v loud music playing and the pool party bit is still open. They run off after every course for a dance. Older one tries to stand up sometimes. We have colouring in books etc. Really they're fine. At restaurants and pubs they are totally average in terms of being able to sit at the table. No screens.

Not a single French kid has done anything wrong. No screens or even colouring. They might not all be talking to their parents but every single one is sitting through the whole 90 min dinner and waiting to dance at the end. So patient.

Do no French kids have ADHD or ND? Or even just kid like and cheeky? I have always tried my best with dinner times but these kids aren't even considering running off.

What is going on???

I lived in France for a while and I can tell you they are super strict with their kids. British people make all kinds of excuses for their children and don't set any boundaries. My DS was brought up the French way and wouldn't have dreamt of getting up during dinner.

I believe i'm still allowed to express my feelings.
And they are not 'outrage'. Really stange that you would assume that.

Really, really strange that you would attempt to assign 'outrage' to me. Seems you enjoy projecting things on to people...

I've never had a television. I don't judge people who don't want one.

I don't like it, end of, never have. I find them boring, loud and obtrusive.

I know, you can where I live too. It’s not something anyone would eat here, unless they were American.

Because real adhd is like Lewis Capaldi who has Tourette’s a form of adhd. It’s not just a naughty kid who’s parents bunged in nursery from 6 months old and ignored all weekend to the point they lose their mind and don’t know how to behave.

HRTFT.

I live in central Portugal. Children here are a delight to see in restaurants. Why? Because they are given attention from all the adults (and the staff). There are no screens or books, just lots of eye contact, conversation and touching. If they do something that's wrong they are stopped, told off immediately but then scooped up, cuddled and given lots of positivity to do the right thing.

Thanks.

We used to fidget with the collection coins and drop them and get down on the ground to pick them up. And there was a lot of standing, sitting, kneeling etc. And sometimes singing. We were never allowed a book though - the only reading material was the mass pamphlet.

I am sure yours are a delight

Can you stop banging on about garbage like this in every thread???

Ha I wasn’t rude I was answering your rude question. You’re the one thinking we’re all Neanderthals.,I haven’t undertaken a survey - but everyone I know eats with family at the dinner table the vast majority of times and yes all eat with a knife and fork as opposed to, I don’t know shovelling peas into their mouths with spoons! Utterly bizarre line of questioning

The French kids have received better parenting, apparently. There is no reason children in public should be leaping around and causing commtion while dining. If they were consistently trained at home to sit and eat, perhaps they could manage it while on holiday, too.

What the actual fuck are you on about??? Are you drunk/sniffing glue?

They must sell as so many shops sell them,
Just Wondering when marshmallow spread will hit the shelves here 🤢 another American invention.

@wholivesondrurylane do you have any? You goady, child hating saddo.

French children eat great food everyday at school. They eat good food with their families, they expect good behaviour and I have rarely seen any French parent shout at their children.

Exactly!

The origin of the "takes a village" trope was specifically that all villagers are free to rebuke and correct children!

Westerners have twisted this to mean that all villager are supposed to fork over money/taxes to help parents, and to do their chores, meal provision, free babysitting, etc. while holding the parents to zero standards and while always remember to "don't question my parenting choices!"

It's absurd.

Yeah imagine the audacity. Because everyone said all British kids and parents are the same.

I am sure you and your (BRITISH) children are an absolute delight.

As a Franco-Brit, I think it’s true that French parents are often stricter with their kids, family life can be more hierarchical and parents can be harsh on young children. Not always of course, but that’s the tendency. My French cousins used to love coming to visit us in London because they got to have more fun, be sillier, be a bit slovenly. And my French mum obviously used to indulge this as it wound her sister up no end. As teenagers, they were much more naughty than we were, and we were much closer to our parents.

I’ve intentionally taken the best bits of French parenting (mine can sit at a table, never with screens and don’t get to eat crap) but discarded the not so great bits (a fondness for issuing a smack for minor etiquette violations, scratchy clothes en fete.)

Although, I have to say, if you think British children are a bit feral, you’ve not spent much time in the Netherlands. Dutch children are the wildest, scruffiest, loudest, happiest kids I’ve come across. My kids have always loved spending time with friends there and they enjoy the unusual position of being the best behaved kids in the room. I’m sure they’ll love it even more as teens (eek!)

Oh heavens I liberated myself from that one around four years ago.

No. DD and I don't eat at a table.

Yes, I take myself out as I enjoy eating in restaurants and not having to wash up.

No. we are not dysfunctional and don't touch pop tarts.

Teenagers graze. They come home, open the fridge, eat stuff and off we go.

And in our case the fridge is full of lovley protein packed healthy stuff, not easy in a CO greed crisis.

What is the OP on about exactly?

Really weird.

So you don't yet know if your child even has ADHD?

Just because your child is referred doesn't mean that they are. There is also a huge difference between a child with primarily Inattentive to a child with Combined or primarily Hyperactive/Impulsive.

Not all ADHD children run around restaurants - my diagnosed ADHD child doesn't - but my parenting looks successful if DD is feeling compliant and looks abysmal if she's not. I have almost no tools in the arsenal at that point. She doesn't care about any threat or reward, it's entirely down to that moment's level of anxiety or mood.

I was very smug about how my child would behave right up until I got the reality of a ND child handed to me. Serves me right.

Wrong

Actually France has a much worse record on mental health and suicide than the UK as I linked up thread and it’s clear from others fittest hand experience that neurodiversity is not tolerated in France.,

Yeah, it’s an experience visiting Walmart. 😂 There was a stage my kids wanted to try all of it, and they could. It all went in the bin eventually..

The real measure is what are they like when they’re off the leash so to speak. Anyone can behave when their parents are there. In my experience French kids are rude, arrogant and generally obnoxious.

I was thinking exactly this! But then my daughters father is Spanish and they too pivot their entire lives around communal eating, I assume similar to France? And I’ve spent many evenings at huge ten hour long family and friends meals over there and the kids definitely don’t sit politely at the table for 90 minutes. I’ve never seen a screen at a table but there is very often a play park next to a restaurant or boxes of crayons laid out and they all run around like nutters between courses. So is there something more France specific at play than just food culture?