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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!

530 replies

Hufflemuff · 13/07/2023 09:23

More of a rant than a question to be fair!

I was listening to Heart radio this morning and they had a teacher on called "Mc Grammer" (a rapping teacher - cringe) who was discussing teacher gifts and "what not to buy"...

He said one of the worse gifts he ever got from a student was a Rock - because the pupil said "he rocked" (aww) and some Doritos because that was the pupils favourite crisps (bless). He also said mugs were mostly an unwanted present "there's only so many cups of tea you can drink" apparently.

He said in the past he's gotten an Arsenal shirt, Nando's gift sets and gift cards... He said you should get to know the teacher to find out what they like and buy them something personal to them.

AIBU to be totally pissed off by this mans arrogance. It was totally tone deaf during the middle of a cost of living crisis to suggest parents buy gift cards (the minimum of which is usually £10) and other expensive presents in order for it to be considered a worthwhile gift. The fact he poo-pooed that boys rock as "one of the worse" gifts, which admittedly you wouldn't put on your mantel piece but the sentiment was there. He didn't consider that the boys parents might not have the money to buy a 'real' gift but he still wanted to give him something.

Ah!!! I was so very cross. It was the expectation to get something as a certainty and even then, he might not have been satisfied with it.

I have teachers in the family and they are always happy to get anything at all, no matter what it is. I think he was a really bad representation of all those caring teachers and Heart did the profession a real disservice by having him on.

Rant over! Gah!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
TheBraveNecessities · 14/07/2023 21:24

One of the best gifts I ever got was a (clearly) well loved teddy and quite a smooshed sweet in a wrapper. It was from a girl with a troubled background, who really struggled with authority figures and had actually been a bit of a nightmare pupil at times. But she mustered up the bear and the sweet and brought them to me, saying the sweet was for me and the bear is for the baby (was pregnant at the time).

I didn’t eat the sweet but I washed the bear and it is still in DD4’s room.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 14/07/2023 22:30

He’s being a twat. It’s always nice to get a gift of appreciation. I was once bought a whole outfit including M&S knickers which was a bit odd. I’ve also had a box of half eaten chocolates. All appreciated, even the funny ones but I do get totally shocked by the gifts for my teacher friends who work in prep schools rather than state! Wow!

schoolsoutforever · 14/07/2023 22:47

I haven’t read the full thread - sorry I know that’s annoying to many, but time is not on my side atm - but just wanted to add that I LOVE original gifts like the rock. Last year my sixth formers gave me a wee rock with a moustache drawn on it because we read a scholar called Laroque and I loved him (well, his ideas) and told them so. I thought it was witty of them to give me a rock with a tash on it. This year I also received a specific football top with my name on which was amazingly fun too. I also received a jar with lovely hand written quotes and jokes to entertain me. All really thoughtful gifts that I genuinely am massively chuffed with, whether homemade or not.

Dullardmullard · 14/07/2023 22:47

I remember overhearing a teacher saying I don’t drink the wine they give but my husband loves it. So all good.

grandchild’s school it’s all competitive and my lass doesn’t subscribe to it all. Grandchild got the teacher paper as they said she was always wanting paper. We found it amusing but teacher thought it a brilliant idea.

some of these stories are lovely

Teenagehorrorbag · 14/07/2023 22:48

I heard that interview and also cringed - although tbf I'm not sure he actually slated the rock and the dorito, they were just funny memories I thought?

But yes - suggesting that a gift card was the best present was awful! It's basically asking for money Hmm. I've heard that some yummy mummy type schools and private schools can end up with competitive over-buying - wine etc - which is appalling, but most primary schools I imagine give a range from nothing, via a card (lovely) to a mug, chocs, plant, cuddly toy, potato, whatever!

I hope most teachers appreciate the sentiment if the child has chosen it. I imagine many things do end up regifted or in charity shops, but that applies to Christmas and birthdays etc everywhere. I always gave consumables because at least they aren't clutter.

At least it mostly stops at secondary school......

Bouncybits · 14/07/2023 23:15

I never once bought my DS teachers anything as they get paid it’s not voluntary

ReachForTheMars · 14/07/2023 23:22

The rock sound very sweet because it was from the child but it sounds like the sort if thing an adult would find funny so I'm not sure a small child would really gift that independently. Call me cynical.

The culture if buying/paying to show gratitude annoys me. Either club together and buy a gift card or just send a thank you card on it's own.

I would love people to take on the Martin Lewis view that people dont need token bits of tat because it's the social norm.

Unless you know your childs teacher drinks or doesnt have allergies, a card really is enough

Tintackedsea · 14/07/2023 23:27

All schools should make it clear to parents that gifts are not to be given. It is totally unnecessary and regardless of whether or not it is affordable for some parents it definitively is not for all. The culture of gifts in schools and doctors and hospitals just needs to stop. Our primary headteacher sent out a letter as I know she is very concerned about the cost of living. It's totally inappropriate. A card expressing thanks is far better if you feel you want to acknowledge their efforts.

MaggyNoodles · 15/07/2023 00:50

Interestingly, one of the first presents my ds brought home from school for me (mother's day) was a painted rock. That would have been about 14 years ago and I still have it.

Flippingnora100 · 15/07/2023 01:33

I live in Central America and my kids go to an international school that has foreign kids and local kids on scholarships. Every year the class rep collects cash and parents give whatever they want to. Then the teacher gets a gift card. This year I was able to get one set of teachers $400 gift cards each and the teachers of my older kid $360 each. That is a good present and the teachers deserve it. Much better than the gift baskets we used to do. The teachers have no idea how much each parent contributed.

I think being a teacher is a hard, badly paid job that takes a special person to do well and I agree that a card is better than a crap present like a mug.

oldermen · 15/07/2023 01:39

I think it's now time to cut back on all the gifts and send a thank you card with some lovely heartfelt words!

Hawkins0001 · 15/07/2023 03:02

In the states it's aparently quite popular

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 15/07/2023 03:14

He's rude.

hellhavenofury35 · 15/07/2023 06:29

I also heard the interview. So rude. I don't give teacher gifts as I feel they already get paid to do there jobs. I only thank the teachers that have gone above and beyond to support my children in there education. Not given one gift in the last 3 years, giving 4 teachers gifts this year.

Artycrafts · 15/07/2023 07:48

MC Grammar 🙄sounds right up his own arse. He should be bought a book on how to be humble.

MrsHamlet · 15/07/2023 07:49

I'm drinking my first cup of tea today in a mug from a student who left 2 years ago.

DinosApple · 15/07/2023 08:00

The absolute best present I have had as a TA was a handwritten note from the parent of a child that I was 121 for for 3 years, and the child signed it (it a very big deal for them to write their name).

It lives on my fridge permanently.

liveforsummer · 15/07/2023 08:03

I stopped contributing to the collection after last year when someone just used a money pot and sent the entire thing to the teacher. I used to organise the collection and I'd get a small gift (flowers,chocolate,wine) that I know they like,as had inside info from another teacher at the school. Then I'd get a voucher for maybe John Lewis or a love to shop voucher and would split money between teacher/TA. The transferring one person a lump of money seemed weird and impersonal, and probably left the teacher feeling a bit uncomfortable- so this year just got a little box of fancy chocs and dd made a homemade card. Quite happy if she regifts it or sends it to a raffle etc it's just a token to say thanks. I don't feel any pressure, it's something I want to do so don't need people instructing me to stop. I would if I wanted to

Fedupofballs · 15/07/2023 08:11

About 6 years ago gift giving got out of hand, with class collections by the MLM parents resulting in a forever living gift set and mini Prosecco wrapped in cellophane! There are many families who struggle financial and the pressure to contribute was unfair. The school now has a very strict no gift policy which is reiterated regularly in their newsletters.

Willyoujust · 15/07/2023 08:20

That’s awful. I have been a teacher for 13 years and never expect a present at all. Some children like to buy you something….a box of chocolates or a candle which I think is so sweet and thoughtful. I would never be ungrateful for anything a child has chosen to give me. My favourite thing to receive is a handwritten card or letter. I am very sentimental and have kept a folder of pictures, colouring in sheets, letters etc from every class that I have ever taught. Can’t ever bring myself to throw them away.

Dontletsummerend · 15/07/2023 08:35

Much preferred the card or thank you letter.
Anyone can buy a bottle of wine or chocolates.
Best gift was a set of used pencils and some flowers ( weeds) in a vase from a young boy from a very deprived home. He had a lot going on so the fact he’d given me what he could find himself was pretty special.

doorstopper123 · 15/07/2023 08:46

Yes COL crisis So why waste money on something that is going to landill? Mugs etc? Surely no teacher (or any professional) wants/needs 30 mugs so that is a very thoughtless gift only benefitting the giver

better not to get anything than something like that.

drunkpeacock · 15/07/2023 09:02

I always comment on these threads saying
A) I'd be mortified if I thought a parent who was struggling financially felt obliged to get me a gift.
And
B) By far the best gift is a simple "thank you, you made a difference"
We get so much shit from different directions explaining to us that we're doing a rubbish job, that being told by a parent/child that we've done a good job can mean the world.

No gifts needed.

Hawkins0001 · 15/07/2023 09:31

It's a mix for different teachers, YouTube has quite a lot about gifts for the teachers etc. I presume at private it's quite the thing, especially considering the affluent parent's etc

Diddlyumptious · 15/07/2023 09:42

Why is there this need to have to give any gift!!?. They do the job, get paid like the rest of us but we don't get gifts. It's all gone a bit mad.