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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!

530 replies

Hufflemuff · 13/07/2023 09:23

More of a rant than a question to be fair!

I was listening to Heart radio this morning and they had a teacher on called "Mc Grammer" (a rapping teacher - cringe) who was discussing teacher gifts and "what not to buy"...

He said one of the worse gifts he ever got from a student was a Rock - because the pupil said "he rocked" (aww) and some Doritos because that was the pupils favourite crisps (bless). He also said mugs were mostly an unwanted present "there's only so many cups of tea you can drink" apparently.

He said in the past he's gotten an Arsenal shirt, Nando's gift sets and gift cards... He said you should get to know the teacher to find out what they like and buy them something personal to them.

AIBU to be totally pissed off by this mans arrogance. It was totally tone deaf during the middle of a cost of living crisis to suggest parents buy gift cards (the minimum of which is usually £10) and other expensive presents in order for it to be considered a worthwhile gift. The fact he poo-pooed that boys rock as "one of the worse" gifts, which admittedly you wouldn't put on your mantel piece but the sentiment was there. He didn't consider that the boys parents might not have the money to buy a 'real' gift but he still wanted to give him something.

Ah!!! I was so very cross. It was the expectation to get something as a certainty and even then, he might not have been satisfied with it.

I have teachers in the family and they are always happy to get anything at all, no matter what it is. I think he was a really bad representation of all those caring teachers and Heart did the profession a real disservice by having him on.

Rant over! Gah!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Ilovecleaning · 14/07/2023 19:41

I haven’t read the whole thread. I was a teacher for many years. This man is a prize twat. What I appreciated most was the cards. I’ve had some lovely cards. I never expected gifts but I showed great appreciation for every gift. It didn’t matter what they were. I think anyone with an ounce of emotional intelligence would know this. He’s an arsehole. He was probably on air to wind people up.

Maireas · 14/07/2023 19:41

Oh dear lord. Stop writing in the margins! I keep telling them it'll lose them marks!

Beaverbridge · 14/07/2023 19:43

I'm well passed this stage, but I think it's out of hand all the present giving to teachers. Puts pressure on families that can ill afford.

MrsCooper84 · 14/07/2023 19:45

We put into a pot. It works out cheaper but I still think it’s too much. Each parent pays £10. There are 30 kids. That’s £300 to split between 1 teacher and 3 TA’s.
I may have got the amount of teachers wrong and not all parents might have paid but generally, It’s got a bit mad.

MrsHamlet · 14/07/2023 19:46

A colleague was once given a brace of pheasants. Reception did not enjoy that.
I've been offered a lamb. A live lamb.

Maireas · 14/07/2023 19:46

Beaverbridge · 14/07/2023 19:43

I'm well passed this stage, but I think it's out of hand all the present giving to teachers. Puts pressure on families that can ill afford.

Believe me, we don't expect it.
As many pp have said - a card is lovely, and more than enough.

Kate0902900908 · 14/07/2023 19:48

I have a young primary school teacher in my family. She works 60+ hours a week. It’s stressful, she’s underpaid (no they didn’t get a pay rise it was taken from school budget so given to them in one hand and taken away from the classroom, we spent Sunday in ikea buying replacement resources from own money as she won’t let children go without) and at time’s completely overwhelmed. At the end of the school year she get all different bits and bobs, all appropriated, all loved and displayed for the first week of summer holidays. The cards are her favourite but the gifts are lovely too. Some parents go all out, messages of thanks and praise some send a bag of chocolates. It’s nice to be appreciated but never expected. So just so everyone knows there are people out there like my sister who have dreamed of being a teacher since they were 5 years old and will give it everything single thing they’ve got. Any token of a appreciation is appreciated by her

Completelydonechick · 14/07/2023 19:53

Teacher here! Any gift or card (homemade or otherwise) is gratefully received and means a lot! I would love to receive a potato 😁Clearly would understand my love of crisps!!!! The guy was a prick and needs to get out of teaching …. It will never meet his financial expectations!!! That said, I did used to chip in a tenner for a teacher gift with my own child, was happy to have the pressure taken off me and was impressed (well jealous!!) of the gifts of wine, chocolate and substantial John Lewis voucher that she received! but a homemade card you can’t beat……. Or a potato!

Tophy124 · 14/07/2023 19:57

Alcohol is a horrible idea. Lots of people can’t drink. I think class gifts shouldn’t be more than a few pound per child.

MrsHamlet · 14/07/2023 19:59

@Completelydonechick I have actually been gifted a potato! I ate it.

Canthave2manycats · 14/07/2023 20:02

I think the guy has a point. Badly expressed perhaps - but what teacher needs 30 boxes of chocolates or 30 bottles of wine? Not to mention the other tat that they have nowhere for, or don't even like.

Thankfully this practice did not continue into post-primary school, and in the latter years I had a child at primary, the principal stepped in and asked people to contribute to a designated charity instead of buying presents. I'm sure the overall spend probably went down, because all too many parents were seeing the present thing as a competition to outdo one another.

Besides, there's other equally deserving staff in schools - the secretary/receptionist, the dinner ladies, the cleaning staff... all of them on low wages.

Sandydune · 14/07/2023 20:10

He sounds ungrateful, but there is an element of truth. So much stuff ends up going to charity shops and mugs should be avoided!
I don’t expect anything but it’s really heartwarming to get some appreciation and affirmation from pupils/parents. A sincerely written card means a lot and I’m always delighted with any chocolate!

NeedToBookAGetaway · 14/07/2023 20:15

Ive always taken the time to find out what their teacher likes whether that's a wine, beer, specific chocolate, favourite football team etc.

Of course they don't want loads of mugs and poundland shite.
Even with cost of living. Just a homemade card is preferred.

I went in a charity shop last year 1st week of holidays and there was so teacher stuff inc personalised stuff!

NeedToBookAGetaway · 14/07/2023 20:24

I found out from another teacher what dcs teacher likes, was a specific beer. And the ta a favourite wine.
So we went with that as we know it always goes down well. Literally!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/07/2023 20:25

I’m a teacher, I don’t expect gifts at all but do always appreciate them. I have received things I wouldn’t choose for myself or things I didn’t but the thought was still very much appreciated. Most parents are never going to know their child’s teacher enough to buy a genuinely thoughtful gift. My favourite gifts have been the sentimental ones; the wind chime and Christmas bauble etc children have decorated themselves. The hand drawn cards etc. I would actually genuinely treasure something like a rock from one of my kids. Best gift I have received so far was a Cheshire Cat ornament after we did Alice in Wonderland as a topic and knowing I love cats, but I wouldn’t expect all gifts to hit the mark like that! Chocolate, bath bombs, hand creams, mugs and alcohol are always very much appreciated by me!

AndyPandyismyhero · 14/07/2023 20:28

I am a TA, not a teacher, but I am fortunate in that many parents are kind enough to buy me a gift at Christmas or end of year, often both. I have been given a number of items that are not really 'me', but I make sure I share those with people who will use them. I always appreciate the thought. The best gift I ever received was from a child I had worked with for several years. The family was not wealthy and I always felt bad that they even spent money on a Christmas card for me, as I knew they struggled financially. One Christmas, the child gave me a gift. It was one of those tiny jars of jam, half eaten, which they had taken from the kitchen cupboard. I was so touched that they would do that, especially since there was a question mark over their parents treatment of their children. That that child would risk a beating to give me a gift touched me deeply and even today, many years later, still brings a tear to my eye.
That teacher sounds rude and ungrateful.

Kentucky83 · 14/07/2023 20:30

He doesn't sound like a man I'd want to be teaching my child! Any gift is lovely, in fact the more random the better, because chances are it means it was chosen by the child. Kids think differently to adults, and if this man doesn't know that by now then he shouldn't be working with them!
I'm a TA, I got a gift today that I'm over the moon with. I wasn't expecting anything at all.

greenbeansnspinach · 14/07/2023 20:37

I don’t recall any teacher ever being given a gift when I was a child. It wasn’t expected and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t either when my own children were at school in the 80s and 90s.
Teaching is a job and hopefully they do it well, professionally and with care for the children they teach. Nothing more should be expected.

FrauleinElsaMars · 14/07/2023 20:39

Mariposista · 13/07/2023 09:41

'World's best teacher' memorabilia of ANY kind is naff and unwanted - just don't bother!
You can get the teacher something thoughtful without spending a lot of money, or team up with a couple of the child's friends. COL is a factor - but hard to believe when the same parent claiming COL for being a cheapskate is going on quite a nice holiday this summer (case in my daughter's class).

What a liberty!!!

Sorry children we shan't be going on holiday this year, instead we'll be spending the money on gifts for your teachers. Catch yourself on fs!

pleasehelpwi3 · 14/07/2023 20:45

Yes I like presents- who doesn't? And I do find some of the posts from people who claim they don't a little sanctimonious! Of course cards are nice too, although when the child has written 'your the best teacher ever' I realise maybe I'm not! But I usually end up throwing them away after a few years, except for a child who was brilliant/memorable/I helped a lot etc
I work in an affluent area, and usually get about £300 in vouchers a year (half at Xmas, half at end of year.) It's great- and of course I'm very grateful.
But I would be beyond mortified if any parent felt pressurised to contribute to a class collection if they didn't want to, or even buy me a present if they didn't want to. Even though every teacher always gets something, it's still not an expectation, if they makes sense.
Mugs I'll leave in the staff room, unless they're personalised or really nice. Chocolates I'll give to my mum, or my son.

ladygindiva · 14/07/2023 20:54

Shinyandnew1 · 13/07/2023 09:28

Sounds like an arse-sadly there are those all over the place and he isn’t representative of most teachers.

The nicest presents I’ve had have been handwritten letters from parents thanking me for teaching their child-they didn’t cost anything but their time and a piece of paper.

I was thinking of doing this for my DC teacher this year, so this is reassuring to read.

JudgeRudy · 14/07/2023 20:58

I'm presuming a big part of the interview was specifically to have a laugh at some gifts as well as make useful suggestions.
The rock is funny...I mean what are you supposed to say or do with it, and clearly mugs is a common/not needed present. As for gift vouchers, sounds like he's suggesting if you want to get a gift, try to make it personal but if you're unsure, play safe with a voucher. I doubt he's suggesting £10 from everyone...there's often a collection.
He probably has been ungrateful. That doesn't make him wrong. Provided he's kind and polite at the time I don't see the issue.

Likewhatever · 14/07/2023 20:59

My DM was a very popular teacher, she came home with shedloads of gifts at every year end. She really appreciated the cards and the sentiments expressed, the gifts were neither here nor there to her. She would have hated the idea of people spending money they couldn’t afford on them.

RedRobyn2021 · 14/07/2023 21:06

My mum never got any of my teachers a present, I finished my GCSEs in 2009 (oh my gosh that was a while ago!?) i don't remember anyone else doing this either.

mamaduckbone · 14/07/2023 21:10

I've just moved to a new school, high pupil premium area, and teacher presents don't seem to be too much of a 'thing', which is fine by me. My fave this year was a card with a lovely message from a y6 saying that she was worried when she found out she was getting a new teacher but she's glad she had me. Priceless!
Gift-wise, the nicest things I've received have been book tokens, stationery for the classroom and chocolate/wine always goes down well. I would never be ungrateful for any gift though.