To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

I can’t stand this culture of announcing private information and then making judgements on if people have reacted appropriately. Why can’t we just quietly tell people things without fanfare and gushing adoration?

OP hasn't claimed that the pregnant colleague (congratulations if you're reading this btw!) complained. I've worked with people who have always needed to be the centre of attention and it gets old quickly.

OK OP- really gently- when they express their upset at you it's bullying yet everytime you've disrupted - its been totally involuntary and they should understand.
EITHER you take as good as you get and accept that colleagues upset each other or you change - this isn't a you in the right, them in the wrong situation
I work with someone who has similar characteristics to what you describe and it is attention seeking (subconscious or not) My colleague will do things like ridiculously loud sneezes that she' just can't help' when people are talking or in the middle of a story. As another more blunt colleague said 'if you were hiding and had to be quiet- you'd supress that sneeze, theres no need for it'
You seem to suggest that lots of your behaviour is uncontrollable (jumping up/ wasp etc) you might need to look at this- so many involuntary behaviours are not good safety wise

OP hasn't claimed that the pregnant colleague (congratulations if you're reading this btw!) complained. I've worked with people who have always needed to be the centre of attention and it gets old quickly.

err..have you actually read the thread? Or the OP even? 😂

Since when is booking a holiday "news" to make people fawn over you in exactly the right way
Having a baby is exciting because baby, not because of adoration from others and being the centre of attention

Of course, and I wouldnt expect anyone to "fawn" over me as thats ridiculous. However, have you never experienced starting a conversation and being constantly talked over by someone making it all about them?- its irritating AF. Its not about being fawned over, its about basic manners and social skills. Its not because you require fawning, its because its rude to be constantly be one upped, talked over and interrupted. Half of having a conversation is listening- if everyone talked over everyone else and interrupted everyone else then its not really a conversation at all- its just a bunch of people all talking at each other.

@MadKittenWoman @CurlewKate I am glad you liked it. We all have different experiences. I went 37 years ago and didn't enjoy it - it may have changed and I know lots of people who think it's great. Had I gone with different people with different attitudes and who were prepared to spend some money and have some fun, it might have been different

Just an example of not dissing other people's plans because we are all different and like different things.

With the examples you have given it does sound like you are annoying your colleagues.
When you got the text re the house were you sitting yourself? If so what was the need to shriek, it sounds over the top.
Being negative about someone's holiday destination is just down right rude.
And again the shrieking re the wasp sounds over the top, you could have quietly removed yourself from the situation.
The fact that all your colleagues are being off with you now sounds like they've reached the end of their tether with you, this should become a management issue as they have to remain professional but it does sound like the issue is your behaviour in general

Maybe it's just a case of repetitive behaviour that's annoying your colleagues. Having an opinion is your right but sometimes being a negative Nancy and stating bad points about holidays can come across as jealous. Then because of that attitude when someone is making an announcement and your flap about because of a wasp( even though it's a genuine fear and most adults can't grasp that because being scared of wasps as an adult isn't the general response) or get all loud because you've had good news maybe makes you come across as self absorbed.

I don't think you're being malicious at all, but you do sound quite socially unaware and immature. You don't respond to other people's good news by shouting over them and announcing your own good news at the same time, and you don't respond to someone's excitement about going away by telling them a bad experience you had there.

I'm with you.

In my place of work it's not an important announcement if someone is pregnant, it's more of a quiet meeting with the manager to tell her and then gradually let everyone else know.

Is it now a big thing to 'announce' a pregnancy to your work colleagues? If so I don't really understand why?

OP, I work in a supervisory role and for me the way you are being treated, if it carries on after a few more days, is verging on bullying. If people are refusing to interact with you in your place of work, that's bullying.

You've apologised for the thing that's annoyed them (though I think they are massively over reacting) and that should be enough. If you are feeling like you don't want to go into work because of the atmosphere then you need to speak to your manager and let them deal with the situation.

Jesus. Op use this as a chance to reflect

More than one person has raised this as an issue with you. Instead of taking it on board you're just dismissing it as just exaggerated.

It's like it never occurs to you that other people's opinions might be just as valid as yours.

This 100%

I can understand why your colleagues are annoyed.

1. Pregnancy announcement - if you werent interested in that kind of talk then just let them get on with it. Shrieking at a text about a house offer is ridiculously hysterical and OTT. Why is it that you are allowed to be excited by that but your colleague apparently isnt allowed to be excited about her news?
2. Wasp- I get some people are afraid of them, I dont like them near me either but why not just quietly move out of the way? flapping around and making a song and dance about it is again, dramatic and OTT
3. Holiday- you were blatantly rude here. There are many places I wouldnt choose to visit either but if a colleague was talking about one of those places I'd simply say "have a lovely time". Pointing out the negatives is just completely unnecessary. Did you expect her to thank you for saying you hated it- be really honest with yourself, what exact response did you expect to get from saying that?

You are coming across as attention seeking and dramatic which is probably why your colleagues are fed up. I agree with PP that this is probably all completely unintentional but now you know you have a choice to change your responses to people. If you dont ponder this, it will continue to happen no matter where you go or where you work.

It's not bullying. You upset colleagues and you need to let the dust settle now.

It does sound like you have form for this type of behaviour or your other colleagues probably wouldn't be so off with you. Maybe reflect on that when other people are giving announcements in the future otherwise they will think you are attention seeking.

I hope you have gone into work otherwise its you escalating the sutuation not your colleagues.

Yes I have. Have you 😂😂😂😂? If you have, try quoting the bit where OP says the pregnant colleague complained 😂😂😂😂

It doesn't sound to me as though the OP is an attention-seeker at all! But possibly the opposite extreme: that she acts at work as though she were on her own at home, and doesn't take sufficiently into account that she might be disturbing others. If she responded loudly enough to the good news on her phone that the other person felt that it 'spoilt her announcement', then she was probably being too loud for a place where people are trying to work,

It sounds more as though the other person is - perhaps not attention-seeking in general, but looking at things in terms of how much attention others are or are not paying to her or other people's statements. And therefore viewing every thoughtless or loud action as a deliberate attempt to upstage. The idea of it even being possible to 'spoil someone's news' with regard to casual conversations at the workplace (not at a party or family gathering) sounds bizarre to me: these aren't big public announcements!

So, OP: probably you should make more conscious effort to 'keep it down' in the workplace. But the people who are suggesting here that you are jealous or competing for attention are almost certainly wrong.

And your colleagues don't need to be your friends, and it's not bullying if they're 'off' simply in the sense of being curt or passively unfriendly (unless it reaches the point of interfering with work-related communications). But if they are actively ganging up, then that is more like bullying.

How about if, instead of a big formal announcement it was, I don't know, someone telling four or five colleagues in a conversation during lunch? Would that seem reasonable?

that's it? Hardly something to squeal in the office about.

I'd personally find that more exciting than a pregnancy announcement.

Isnt that the entire point though- not everything is about you personally? people get excited about different things- stunning revelation!

I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”.

sounds like "complaining" to me.

The only person who has officially complained is the OP though.

You sound attention-seeking and can’t bear anyone one to hog the limelight. We had one like this in the office I worked in. Everything was about her. No one else could have anything on their own.

OK, now try quoting the part where THE PREGNANT COLLEAGUE complained.

EVERYBODY in this situation sounds incredibly immature. I am glad I don't work there.
This should not still be news several days after the event.

Yes but it doesn't say it was the pregnant woman who complained. It sounds more like a group thing rather than 1 person annoyed because the op stole their limelight. If it was the group then the op is really annoying them with the behaviour.

The op is exaggerating things - the pregnancy announcement turns out to be 5 friends chatting at lunch which does suggest someone a bit dramatic