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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this has moved into bullying territory?

808 replies

BurnsBurnsBurns · 13/07/2023 06:18

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

OP posts:
GeorgeMichaelsCat · 13/07/2023 08:41

It may not have been done on purpose OP but maybe unconsciously? Your co-workers have given you a few examples now where you have made a situaiton about you. In my experience if your co-workers are saying it is you, then you can take that as an indication that maybe you are at fault. Some self reflection is in order I think.

You do need to go in. If you do not, this could turn in to an untenable situation. Whether fair or not, you are being perceived as trying to steal co-workers thunder. I agree with your manager that you need to ride it out and be more mindful of your behaviour in future.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 13/07/2023 08:42

BurnsBurnsBurns · 13/07/2023 07:09

Yea it was a conversation going on in the background. There were 5 people talking about it, I was sat a bit further away eating my lunch and on my phone. I wasn’t involved in the conversation.

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Any wonder. The way you seem to react when anyone has exciting news, I wouldn't want to have you in the conversation.

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 13/07/2023 08:44

MiddleParking · 13/07/2023 07:03

Your manager has responded to your complaint about this by telling you to get on with your work - it sounds like you really, really ought to heed that advice!

Also, the Manager has probably noticed your behaviour as much as your colleagues have.

PuddlesPityParty · 13/07/2023 08:44

Sorry OP but it seems you do have form and your minimising your reactions to things. You sound like an attention seeker, so quite fairly they probs think you did it on purpose. How embarrassing.

What does “being off” even mean? Is this another example of you exaggerating?

Fightyouforthatpie · 13/07/2023 08:46

Does anyone do any work at this place or is all announcements about things in people's personal lives?

laceydoily · 13/07/2023 08:47

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 13/07/2023 08:41

It may not have been done on purpose OP but maybe unconsciously? Your co-workers have given you a few examples now where you have made a situaiton about you. In my experience if your co-workers are saying it is you, then you can take that as an indication that maybe you are at fault. Some self reflection is in order I think.

You do need to go in. If you do not, this could turn in to an untenable situation. Whether fair or not, you are being perceived as trying to steal co-workers thunder. I agree with your manager that you need to ride it out and be more mindful of your behaviour in future.

Great post. Part of maturity is the ability to self reflect on your behaviour if multiple people are saying the same thing. I'm sure it wasnt done intentionally but its still worth being honest with yourself and seeing if there is a grain of truth in it. If so, use it as feedback to improve.

Noone enjoys criticism, its very hard to hear but actually, constructive criticism is how we grow and change. Just go in as normal and dial back the shrieking and dramatics, not every thought in your head needs to be expressed out loud.

RosesAndHellebores · 13/07/2023 08:48

I feel for your manager who has been dragged into immature petty squabbling

My view:

The pregnancy - you weren't part of the convo and drew attention to yourself. Absolutely no need to squeal with excitement over a phone call, especially in public. You rained on her parade.

The wasp - I have someone in my office who does this. It infuriates me but I can't show it. It's immature and evidences no logic or self control. I have told her to.open the window and given her a can of wasp killer. She is generally self-obsessed and attention seeking. You need to get a grip over this. Have some hypnosis or counselling or something. It's a wasp, it might sting, it won't kill you, all good to not like them but you need to stop screaming and making a scene.

The holiday - it was booked. You rained on their parade. The only acceptable response if you didn't like the place was "oh you must be really looking forward to it, I hope you have a lovely time". I went to Santorini once, disliked it for a variety of reasons, I wouldn't dream of saying that to someone who'd booked it. I'd say something like " there were some beautiful views".

You sound like a drama lama who makes everything about you. You are part of a team and there's no I in it

Having said that I am sorry your colleagues are being nasty and it has upset you but I think you need tonreflect about the reasons why.

Plbrookes · 13/07/2023 08:50

Fightyouforthatpie · 13/07/2023 08:46

Does anyone do any work at this place or is all announcements about things in people's personal lives?

Yes, in most workplaces people never even mention what's happening in their lives and just sit in communal silence when they have lunch together. Sometimes female colleagues expand over a period of months and then disappear from work for a year or so but we never know why.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 13/07/2023 08:50

I know a couple of people like this. Who have absolutely no filter when things come out of their mouth. So you could be telling a story and they are scrolling on their phone and suddenly interject with ‘OMG this is brilliant’ or whatever and it’s something totally unrelated to the conversation going on.

What happens is that the person being interrupted then has their flow broken; it feels embarrassing and awkward and whatever you were trying to share, the momentum has gone and it brings it down flat.

It is possible to check what’s going on in your surroundings before blurting things out of your mouth. You have likely upset your colleagues, regardless of whether you were involved in the conversation or not.

CurlewKate · 13/07/2023 08:51

I'm completely sidetracked by someone not liking Santorini!

mangochops · 13/07/2023 08:51

Plbrookes · 13/07/2023 08:50

Yes, in most workplaces people never even mention what's happening in their lives and just sit in communal silence when they have lunch together. Sometimes female colleagues expand over a period of months and then disappear from work for a year or so but we never know why.

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😂

itwasntmetho · 13/07/2023 08:52

It all sounds a bit infantile tbh, these things are their own reward.
Since when is booking a holiday "news" to make people fawn over you in exactly the right way?
Having a baby is exciting because baby, not because of adoration from others and being the centre of attention. I'm a bit embarrassed for these people.
Saying that you do need to hold down your reactions to things like the wasp thing, move away from it.

CamCola · 13/07/2023 08:53

You sound self absorbed with no awareness of what’s going on around you.

You should work on that.

Bubbylana · 13/07/2023 08:54

Thank heavens Im retired so I dont have to put up with work place crap anymore. You sound like you spoil peoples news on purpose for what ever reason only you know. You sound self centered and jealous, I would look into that if I was you or you will end up BurnsBurnsBurns no mates, Or perhaps you are already. Do people stop talking when you walk into a room or get near a group chatting because I think this might happen soon.

TimesRwo · 13/07/2023 08:54

Plbrookes · 13/07/2023 08:50

Yes, in most workplaces people never even mention what's happening in their lives and just sit in communal silence when they have lunch together. Sometimes female colleagues expand over a period of months and then disappear from work for a year or so but we never know why.

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According to MN, spot on!

Inmyonesie · 13/07/2023 08:54

You sound like my mum, every conversation turns to be about her. I don’t tell her anything now as it really annoys me. I can see why your colleagues are annoyed. It will blow over, but as everyone has said you need to work on your social manner.

AllyCart · 13/07/2023 08:55

Are you sure you hadn't accidentally stumbled into the middle of a catty, year 10 'cool girls' group rather than a workplace, OP?

Chunt · 13/07/2023 08:56

just get on with your work and unless you have something positive to say that is related to the current conversations then stay quiet

This is good advice.

CapEBarra · 13/07/2023 08:57

OP, in the gentlest, kindest, way, try not to be a dick.

HoppingPavlova · 13/07/2023 08:58

It seems as though you have form, and this was the straw that broke the camels back and you have been publicly called on it and your peers are letting you know they want you to pull your head in. That’s not bullying. It’s getting you to modify your behaviour, because it needs modifying.

MadKittenWoman · 13/07/2023 08:58

CurlewKate · 13/07/2023 08:51

I'm completely sidetracked by someone not liking Santorini!

This! Just got back from there on Monday.

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 09:01

TimesRwo · 13/07/2023 08:54

According to MN, spot on!

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why do you think so many people want to work from home and avoid the office drama😂

Sugaristheenemy · 13/07/2023 09:02

Since when is booking a holiday "news" to make people fawn over you in exactly the right way?
Having a baby is exciting because baby, not because of adoration from others and being the centre of attention

Yes, I do find it strange when something that’s meant to be a joyful event in itself (pregnancy, engagement etc) is apparently spoiled because not enough fuss was made over it.

Don’t get me wrong - these things should be celebrated! But reactions like getting upset because you were interrupted telling your colleagues about it and baring a grudge to boot. That’s a waste of energy. If OPs an attention seeker it doesn’t sound like she’s the only one.

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 09:05

BurnsBurnsBurns · 13/07/2023 06:41

Our offer has been accepted on a house ☺️

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that's it? Hardly something to squeal in the office about.

Your manager gave you good advice, get on with your work, and learn to become more adult in normal conversation. It will blow over.

Your colleagues are over-reacting, most people would have just roll their eyes at you and ignore you.

Catspyjamas17 · 13/07/2023 09:06

It all seems like school playground behaviour to me.

The OP seems rather self-absorbed but if someone interrupted me saying anything at work with "Oh good my holiday is booked!" I'd just give them a look and carry on, but not bitch about it with others for days after.