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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this has moved into bullying territory?

808 replies

BurnsBurnsBurns · 13/07/2023 06:18

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

OP posts:
JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:39

Isnt that the entire point though- not everything is about you personally? people get excited about different things- stunning revelation!

Yes but that applies to both the colleagues - OP and the pregnant one.

Tidsleytiddy · 13/07/2023 09:40

No, but I imagine it is a pattern of behaviour. OP has to constantly trump anyone with some good news to tell about themselves.

TheCakeConspiracy · 13/07/2023 09:40

You don't work in an NHS admin office do you? I've worked in a few and come across similar characters/behaviours

Tidsleytiddy · 13/07/2023 09:41

We had loud sneezing for attention

KangaRooMoo · 13/07/2023 09:43

At first I thought YANBU but then read the further comments and changed my mind.

Yes, it sounds like you've got form, like being the centre of attention and you need to learn to allow others to have some space.

It sounds currently like they're just giving you a bit of a wide berth. It will pass.

mangochops · 13/07/2023 09:43

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:39

Isnt that the entire point though- not everything is about you personally? people get excited about different things- stunning revelation!

Yes but that applies to both the colleagues - OP and the pregnant one.

Yep- it does. But OP wasnt the one talking about her new house only for her colleague to jump up mid sentence with OMG I'm pregnant!

Plbrookes · 13/07/2023 09:43

Tidsleytiddy · 13/07/2023 09:41

We had loud sneezing for attention

We had very exaggerated coughing in meetings in the early days of covid. Everyone ignored it.

NessieMcNessface · 13/07/2023 09:45

As many have already said OP; time to reflect very honestly upon your own behaviour and raise your self awareness. If a whole group of people feel that you have repeatedly acted in a selfish and attention seeking way; they probably have a point. I would go into work and do my job as well as I could; I would try to change my behaviour in light of what’s been said and hope that it all blows over.

Tidsleytiddy · 13/07/2023 09:46

Plbrookes · 13/07/2023 09:43

We had very exaggerated coughing in meetings in the early days of covid. Everyone ignored it.

Show quote history

Yep. Or stomping out of the office when someone else was telling the others something interesting. Or on one occasion taking a day’s holiday when someone was leaving because they couldn’t bear to see the gifts and attention the person would be receiving. Pathetic

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 09:46

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:39

Isnt that the entire point though- not everything is about you personally? people get excited about different things- stunning revelation!

Yes but that applies to both the colleagues - OP and the pregnant one.

the OP could not care quietly without interrupting. Like a normal adult.

And when you know the selling process in this country, having an offer accepted means absolutely nothing, no need to over-react.

I care about the pregnancy "announcements" in the office, it means someone will go on maternity leave soonish, and will likely need adjustments and to go on regular medical appointments.

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:47

And when you know the selling process in this country, having an offer accepted means absolutely nothing, no need to over-react.

She might be in Scotland though.

Anyway the point is, even if she is a bit annoying, bullying behaviour and group ganging up is not acceptable in a supposedly professional environment.

formulaonecar · 13/07/2023 09:49

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:47

And when you know the selling process in this country, having an offer accepted means absolutely nothing, no need to over-react.

She might be in Scotland though.

Anyway the point is, even if she is a bit annoying, bullying behaviour and group ganging up is not acceptable in a supposedly professional environment.

Everyone being fed up of her behaviour isnt "bullying". Its being fed up. Huge difference.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 13/07/2023 09:49

LemonsOnTheMelons · 13/07/2023 07:12

You weren’t being helpful. You were shitting on her news.

You can help your reaction, you’re a grown adult.

Pay more attention.

Show quote history

She was eating her lunch and looking at her phone at the back of the office.

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:51

Everyone being fed up of her behaviour isnt "bullying". Its being fed up. Huge difference.

Showing it and excluding her absolutely is bullying! If there's a genuine concern about her behaviour then it needs to be handled via the correct channels. A group of people can't just take it upon themselves to punish someone for having a particular personality, in a supposedly professional environment. It's not okay.

formulaonecar · 13/07/2023 09:52

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:51

Everyone being fed up of her behaviour isnt "bullying". Its being fed up. Huge difference.

Showing it and excluding her absolutely is bullying! If there's a genuine concern about her behaviour then it needs to be handled via the correct channels. A group of people can't just take it upon themselves to punish someone for having a particular personality, in a supposedly professional environment. It's not okay.

The manager didnt seem to think so. I suspect they know what OP is like.

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:53

This is why nasty, bitchy people generally have a grand old time of it an a workplace environment and socially awkward ones don't, btw. This thread is an absolutely classic illustration of that.
People genuinely always feel like their nasty behaviour is justified. No-one ever sees themselves as the bad guy.

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:54

The manager didnt seem to think so. I suspect they know what OP is like.

So just to be clear, if a colleague is a bit annoying it's fine for a group to bully them, in your view?

TimesRwo · 13/07/2023 09:54

formulaonecar · 13/07/2023 09:52

The manager didnt seem to think so. I suspect they know what OP is like.

Show quote history

That for me is telling. OP obviously thinks the manager is independent enough to approach them about it. The manager didn’t agree with OP’s concerns, showing even the manager has noticed OP’s behaviour.

Plbrookes · 13/07/2023 09:54

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:53

This is why nasty, bitchy people generally have a grand old time of it an a workplace environment and socially awkward ones don't, btw. This thread is an absolutely classic illustration of that.
People genuinely always feel like their nasty behaviour is justified. No-one ever sees themselves as the bad guy.

And people are trying to help OP understand why she is a 'bad guy' here.

formulaonecar · 13/07/2023 09:55

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:53

This is why nasty, bitchy people generally have a grand old time of it an a workplace environment and socially awkward ones don't, btw. This thread is an absolutely classic illustration of that.
People genuinely always feel like their nasty behaviour is justified. No-one ever sees themselves as the bad guy.

Maybe they see OP's behaviour as nasty. We have no idea what their perception of it is because we are only hearing one side of it.

orangegato · 13/07/2023 09:55

The woman is acting like the first person on earth to get pregnant. I expect no gave any
more or less of a shit that her earth shattering news was interrupted.

Sugaristheenemy · 13/07/2023 09:55

Yes I have. Have you 😂😂😂😂? If you have, try quoting the bit where OP says the pregnant colleague complained 😂😂😂😂

Isn't that sort of the point of the thread though? OP spoiled the pregnant colleagues announcement and now she’s got the hump?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 13/07/2023 09:56

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:51

Everyone being fed up of her behaviour isnt "bullying". Its being fed up. Huge difference.

Showing it and excluding her absolutely is bullying! If there's a genuine concern about her behaviour then it needs to be handled via the correct channels. A group of people can't just take it upon themselves to punish someone for having a particular personality, in a supposedly professional environment. It's not okay.

We don't know what form this 'bullying' is taking, for all we know the group of friends decided to go outside to chat or something and the op took offence at that. The group may be bullying but the op hasn't described their behaviour other than calling her out about hers and that isn't bullying from the sound of it, the op just doesn't like it.

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 09:57

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:53

This is why nasty, bitchy people generally have a grand old time of it an a workplace environment and socially awkward ones don't, btw. This thread is an absolutely classic illustration of that.
People genuinely always feel like their nasty behaviour is justified. No-one ever sees themselves as the bad guy.

You are talking about the OP?

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:57

I hope none of you berating the OP have ND children. Because that is probably their future in a workplace.