To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

You sound a little excitable. Nothing necessarily wrong with that, but it can get on people's nerves. You can either see that as their problem and carry on regardless or you can try and tone it down a bit to fit in.
Regardless, your colleagues shouldn't keep up a vendetta against you, as I agree that strays into bullying. Your manager needs to tell them to stop going on about it now, and for everyone to behave with professional courtesy.

Your colleagues sound like hard work. I agree with the person who says these kind of workplaces are usually female dominated.
Not everybody wants to spend all their time in work carefully considering the minor impacts of every little thing they say on the feelings of everybody else in the office.
Maybe accept you just don't gel with them, and look for a different job. You would probably fit in perfectly well in a software company, for instance.

Your colleague needs to grow up a bit to be honest. I don't get all the preciousness over being pregnant. She's not the first! So it wasn't ideal, but nobody was hurt, she just had her thunder stolen.

Don’t shout out announcements to an office full of people as uninterested in your news as you clearly are in theirs. And don’t lecture someone who has just booked a holiday on how to avoid scams. If you can’t keep your head down and let it blow over, you are confirming what they think about you. If it doesn’t blow over after a week, think again, but you give the impression you have jumped to complaining to your boss with great rapidity.

Bet she'll be the insufferable type who insists on a 'gender reveal'. People are the worst.

If you weren’t part of their conversation and they were sat away from you then why were you shouting out your news?

Your post put an image in my head of a big office with employees popping up one after the other with announcements about personal issues. Do people really do that, and is there a hierarchy of subject matter? Maybe they should ring a bell before making an announcement so that everyone is aware whose go it is. So glad I don't work in an office if it's as toxic as it sounds.

I think the damage is done now and you need to see if it will blow over by not mentioning the fact you are upset by this and also keeping a lid on your own actions .
Hopefully it will blow over

Maybe just keep quiet from now on. Don't make other people's news and events about you and your experiences.

But if you weren’t involved in the conversation, who were you telling that you bought a house?

I think you should take this as constructive criticism about how your behaviour is perceived in the workplace. Maybe ask someone you know and trust, if they honestly think you can sometimes lack awareness of/interest in others or come across as self involved?

And just keep your head down at work until it blows over. People don’t have to like you. That’s not the same as bullying.

No I don’t show anything at all. I just inwardly wonder why people behave like this. And think they are either socially clueless or just a bit mean.

Or she could have just said "hurrah"

And someone bored by the pregnancy chat took any excuse to stop that chat and ask why op was excited? Thus moving focus off pregnant colleague.

Could be that way? Who knows.

Same. I certainly wouldnt throw a tantrum but I would definitely think they were a bit mean and negative and probably wouldnt tell them stuff about my life again because I'd anticipate they'd find something negative to drag it down.

Bullying is NOT OK. It's a horrible experience and being hated by everyone in a room is unbearable
. Childish.

Yea it was a conversation going on in the background. There were 5 people talking about it, I was sat a bit further away eating my lunch and on my phone. I wasn’t involved in the conversation.

She didn’t say she wasn’t aware of it or couldn’t hear it. I work in an office with 6 people so it could be that a colleague just told her “office-mates” during the lunch break and OP instead of replying to this decided she wasn’t “involved in the conversation” and shouted out her own news instead”. Not the end of the world obviously but most people would realise if they’d done this and say something like “oh sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. That’s great news!” If OP had done that I’m sure her colleagues would have forgotten about it. Instead she says she wasn’t involved in a conversation with anyone but still called out about her news!

@BurnsBurnsBurns

May I share my experiences which feel similar to yours.

I have possible ADD and ASC, would been diagnosed if I was a child now working with children with SEND. I could get diagnosed as an adult but no point really and expensive for private. I fit the parameters.

Whenever someone has something to say I used to blurt in with a similar thing I'd done (holidays, work etc) if someone had an baby, I'd share mine experiences. I wasn't trying to steal anyone's thunder or pleasure but my brain seemed to just remember experiences and out they would blurt. People found me annoying. I have/had short term acquaintances but no real friends as others do. I had unsecure attachments to parents and trauma which also affects my interactions with others.

I have become more aware so don't do this (as much), I really try not to now. I still have no real friends and I am lonely. I try but not everyone's brains work the same.

Perhaps you are a little like me? Or if not, maybe not aware of what you say, do, act around others and they find it annoying? Apologise to them. People that don't struggle with these issues don't always get it.

Or maybe a different reason and I have mistaken this. In any event, try a little reflection and attempt to look at from the point of view of others?

Best wishes

OP if your face doesn't fit, people will find plenty of things that you've done wrong. As you can see from the responses on this thread, it's common to feel justified in being horrible to someone because they don't fit in as well as others.

It's why I'll never work in an office again and have to deal with petty arseholes.

Re all the comments on the pregnancy 'announcement' it sounds like the colleague was letting a smallish group know and they were probably congratulating her, asking a few questions etc before getting back to work. It doesn't sound as though she was doing it with any particular ceremony.

OP you may have meant well with your holiday advice but you were making it all about you and assuming the colleague hadn't done her own research. That sounds like the irritating bit. Imagine if someone started on at you about your house unasked 'ooh decent area for transport links but highish crime rates and there's a risk of flooding. I had trouble there'.

Please try and take on board what is being said rather than just giving reasons why you're right. I think you will find it easier to move forward with this issue at work if you do.

I was once told at work that I was behaving in a way my colleagues didn’t like. At the time it was a real shock and I took it badly. Looking back I think it was probably half true at least. I don’t think I was very perceptive about my behaviour. But I also suspect they saw it more when I did or said things because they were already expecting it. I’ve tried to moderate my behaviour, sounds like you may need to do the same, if only to get rid of a reputation.

^ This

It sounds like you were pretty rude yesterday blurting out your news when they could have been talking about anything happy or sad! If you weren’t listening they could have been talking about a bereavement or serious illness and your blurt out would have been even less appropriate!

Colleagues being a bit off for a day is hardly bullying, sounds like they have just had enough of your behaviour. You need to be a lot more considerate about what you say to your colleagues and think about how it could make them feel before you say anything, for example talking about negatives of a holiday destination unless asked directly for advice is also rude.

Your manager is right just get on with your work and unless you have something positive to say that is related to the current conversations then stay quiet.

No I don’t show anything at all. I just inwardly wonder why people behave like this. And think they are either socially clueless or just a bit mean

Again I wouldn’t go that far. It’s not that bigger deal.

But my point was the OP’s colleague is throwing a bit of a tantrum by the sound of it. I mean I’m sorry her big moment was spoiled a bit but can she really not get over it?

It all sounds rather childish and petty IMO. If you weren't involved in the conversation then how were you supposed to know what they were talking about? As long as you congratulated her once you realised, then it sounds like a total non event.

I'm deeply phobic of spiders so I can sympathise about the wasp. We saw a mouse in our office once, and a colleague screamed and jumped on her chair during a team meeting. No one ostracised her for it afterwards.

Congratulations on your house offer!

But my point was the OP’s colleague is throwing a bit of a tantrum by the sound of it. I mean I’m sorry her big moment was spoiled a bit but can she really not get over it

If it was a one off, sure. But if this is happening over and over again, its not surprising people are getting a little fed up of it which I suspect is whats happening here from what OP has said.

You do sound as though you need to learn to step back and allow other people their moment in the sun. The wasp was unfortunate, but the other instances are inappropriate, you can react to your own good news without shrieking, and you don’t have to piss on other peoples holiday chips while they are still hot.

Can you show me where Op said that? She did say however that 5 colleagues were having a conversation and she interrupted them by shouting about the house.