To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

Its really irritating to try and read the thread with you two going on and on and on and on like this.

Omg OP I am not remotely surprised you get yourselves in these situations!

The PP in question didnt say anything wrong, simply referenced an expression. Totally unwarranted.

The PP in question didnt say anything wrong, simply referenced an expression. Totally unwarranted.

Yes, the expression being Elevenerife. It's hardly a flattering thing to say to someone!

No, but in the grand scheme of things it was a harmless comment in line with the discussion and not particularly aimed at OP.
I was with Op to an extent until I read all her posts.
If that's how she speaks to people I can see how it occurs.

This has been 25 pages of people telling her how shit she is, I actually think she's shown quite a lot of restraint tbh.

Anyway I take her point, why do we need to know what someone's husband says unless it's something new and original?

I'm not going down this road, that commenter has had enough grief and its irrelevant and designed to deflect.

I can remember a claim or two when I worked for an insurance company, cited cause by the driver was a spider in the car which suddenly appeared. People with phobias sometimes do not behave rationally. I can quite see how OP threw a can of coke at a wasp; it's tunnel vision.

The elevenerife schtick really wasn't funny, it never was and it's always used to silence/bring somebody down. I saw it posted and cringed.

OP, if you're still reading, you've had heaps of comments. Most posters can't get their threads beyond 200 so congrats! You have a lot of patience; use that.

I can see how it would be read as disablist if it's general advice (ie people with poor social skills should NEVER socialise), but I think it may be good advice in specific situations.

Someone I know lacks nuanced social skills, and grates on people everywhere, but she still surprisingly gets on like a house on fire with certain groups (could be any kind – laidback accepting people, or people just as chaotic/critical/tone deaf as her)!

Having just been really harsh in how I've described her, I should say I'm not exactly charmer of the century myself (though most definitely not as bad as her) and I think it's a good lesson from her: find your crowd. Don't keep trying to please a crowd that likely won't warm to you – keep a low profile and disengage.

Specifically, I think OP's office might be a bit "high context" (you can google "high context culture" vs "low context culture" - please note that I am not saying one is better or worse), or it might just be different personalities.

You were a Mean Girl at school weren't you? Now in the adult world you struggle with anyone who's slightly different so fall back on your teenage Mean Girl attitude. Grow up.

@lilymani okay that's a fair answer. OP did say that she took a step back and tried to keep to herself but got pulled up on that so it looks like there isn't really a strategy she can use in that particular environment that doesn't attract ire.

Unfortunately with a work environment there's less scope for finding your crowd if you're factoring in bills to pay which is why I felt really bad for her.

pp said it's a quote her husband uses, not that he invented it. You op are coming across as bitchy. Your colleagues are absolutely right you have no social skills at all. Your comment was a classic example of a patronising arsehole comment and I'm not surprised your workmates gave had enough of you if that's how you speak to them.

It does sound like you have a habit of (perhaps subconsciously) stealing people's thunder.

On the other hand, in my over 30 years in a work environment I have never once witnessed a formal pregnancy announcement. We generally tell a few people at let word spread until the maternity card/collections starts doing the rounds.

Your workforce all sound pretty self-important.

You sound pleasant. Do you talk to people like this in real life or just from behind a keyboard?

I'm sure every workplace has one. My mind went straight to ours (who is pretty extreme, even within the realms of Hard Work People).

Please don't become the person I work with OP. There must be time to redeem yourself.

What deeply unpleasant post, there is absolutely no need to call the OP an arsehole, personal attacks are against talk guidelines, does posting comments like that give you a nice warm glow?

Does your workplace offer in-house training. It sounds like you could benefit from an emotional intelligence session. Everyone at my work is encouraged to take this course.

If people are being arseholes I'll tell them. Life's far too short to put up with shit like that. Ops trying to play the poor me card but every example she gives, including the bitchy retort to that poster, shows that she's the problem.

Do you get told the same very often? I mean, you're happy enough to dish it, without knowing much if anything. Pot and kettle, coming in for a colour check...

Not to sound like I'm piling on to OP, but I think there might be a middle ground, though I appreciate it may be hard for some to navigate.

The person I mentioned often decides to "keep a low profile" around people she'd rubbed the wrong way, only her version of "a low profile" is quite strange and rude. Obviously that doesn't go down well either!

Just smiling, nodding and making infrequent low profile chit chat politely doesn't seem to have occurred to her. This might not be the case here, but I just wanted to mention it in case it's helpful.

I didn't call the op an arsehole. I said her comment was a patronising arsehole comment. Nothing personal in that. And no I don't get a 'warm glow' commenting on threads, I give my personal opinion based on the info provided, as does everyone else. On this particular thread it's very obvious that op has a poor me mentality and very likely deserves the complaints from her coworkers.

Dress it up how you like, your post was vile.

I've read a few more of the OP's replies and whilst I still think there is some form for thunder stealing and some emotional intelligence training (for all of you!) would be a very good idea, dragging this out beyond the initial irritation isn't on.

I've been there. Sat with 3 people that were very friendly and whilst I got on perfectly well with each of them 1-2-1, collectively they were a cliquey, bitchy coven that actively excluded me from conversations. The atmosphere was awful and I felt like shit.

Eventually I requested a move back to my previous team, where I remain today with pleasant people and am very happy.

Is that something you could do for a fresh start OP? Transfer to another team?

There wasn't a "formal pregnancy announcement". It was the pregnant woman telling a few colleagues during lunch break.