To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

@Sugaristheenemy Oh dear!

Not gonna hear the end of this

@BurnsBurnsBurns just do your own thing OP, do your work and entertain yourself during lunches/break.

Unless it's interfering with your work (they're refusing to help,talk about needed work stuff, answering work emails) just rise above it and ignore them. If they do impact work related stuff , then keep records and pass it on to your manager.

Even without the exaggeration what the OP said they actually did was rude. It’s not the exaggeration that is the issue here. Colleagues are not getting on. Management need to deal with it if they can’t sort it out themselves. And if the OP isn’t satisfied the manager has done enough they can take it further.

😂 sorry, I should have cleared this up way earlier! I got distracted by elevenerife-gate

Erm this is not you being ‘bullied’ this is you being socially inept

A group being horrible to someone who struggles with social interactions is about as classic example of bullying as I can think of.

Up until recently I have kept myself to myself, done my own thing and kept a low profile but then I was spoken to by manager who said my “disappearing acts” were causing bad feeling and I needed to interact more. So I made an effort to interact more knowing full well this would happen. Today I avoided the office again and I find that works well. They don’t have to tolerate me and o don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not

I still can't get my head round the fact you hit someone with a can of coke

That was years ago

It sounds much more like a group not warming to someone who is rude, interrupts conversations and makes everything about them. I don’t blame them OP sounds completely delusional, blaming others as being ‘dramatic’ for being honest about her behaviour.

Just say you're a smoker and need your "fresh air" breaks.

To be honest @BurnsBurnsBurns I think it sounds like you've been having issues fitting in with your colleagues from the start - it's unfortunate but especially if you're a little different (which you say you are) then this can happen.
There's a psychological theory called 'group theory' built around it!! Where the group conforms together and uses the differences of another person to unite the group against that person. I've worked in a few places and seen it happen so often with women and men actually.
It often is bullying. The person being bullied could well be 'annoying' but they should not be picked on and undermined. After all it's a workplace and the 'annoying ness' should only be an issue if it actually interferes with work productivity.

I would definitely look for another job where your personality and interests may be a better fit. Do it now before you lose any confidence you have.
Also consider exploring possible neurodivergence as it may be of benefit.

I think once this sort of exclusion begins it might be time to think about moving on, especially if you’re getting anxious about going in. For now, I agree with pp that you should disengage. Disengaging is not a long-term strategy, though, it will just turn into yet another thing that you are doing wrong.

British people in general do not respond well to displays of unbridled exuberance or any hint of a reactionary nature. This is doubly true, if you happen to be POC or foreign. The harsh reality is that you will have to adapt to accommodate this, it’s hugely unfair but you can’t bring 100% of your personality to work everyday.

It might irritate them and Op you havent covered yourself in glory but sometimes people just are the way they are

I'm intrigued as to how a complaint could possibly be made -
X was telling us she was pregnant and Y aasnt listening and spoke over her.

Ridiculous. Those suggesting you take in chocolates etc have lost the plot.

It sounds to me you're just not very compatible people
You could try harder, but I think people are missing the point that thats hard to do to a group od people.who clearly dont like you.

It doesn't sound that bad to me. Slightly thoughtless maybe but hardly a crime.

The wasp one, totally acceptable

The holiday one a bit tactless but again not a big deal

Sounds like you work with some sensitive souls

I get this. In my last job I was spoken to by my manager because I never went to the social events. These were non-mandatory, outside of working hours, involving the entire office where I didn't have any cause to interact with about 90% of the staff on a day to day basis.

I said that I was not going to attend anything that was outside of work unless I wanted to, I had a young child at home and a DH working shifts so very rarely did these events coincide with times I could attend anyway.

Be yourself, OP. Find a workplace that accepts you for you and doesn't pander to bullying cliques.

Read the thread , and keep your advice. oP kept to herself but she also got pulled on that and her not interacting enough was causing "bad feeling". She made the effort to socialise but not she's doing it "wrong".

I haven’t lost the plot actually so don’t be so rude. When I suggested bringing in chocolates I didn’t mean the OP should go round handing out boxes of chocolates to individuals etc. In my office people regularly bring in treats for co workers, cakes they’ve baked, sweets from holiday etc. It’s a way of being friendly. That’s all I was suggesting. That the OP tries to be friendly and fit in and see if they change their behaviour, because the alternative is to stay and have a miserable work life or to leave.

Why did you mention it?

Read the thread , and keep your advice. oP kept to herself but she also got pulled on that and her not interacting enough was causing "bad feeling". She made the effort to socialise but not she's doing it "wrong"

And this information came as massive drip feed after pretty unanimous opinions that the OP should look to her own behaviour.

Several people said about chocolate and flowers. I wasnt singling anyone out.

What??how did I miss that

Read the room OP and keep to yourself. You clearly struggle to understand social cues

Fuck me that's disablist. Yes I know OP hasn't said she's neurodiverse but that's one of the primary issues ND people struggle with.

@WildUnchartedWaters

I’m actually better with wasps than I used to be. I literally threw a can of Coke at a wasp once which hit someone walking passed.