To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

Maybe take a moment to think before you speak op? Pregnancy announcement might not be a big thing to you or others, but she was speaking and you were rude to start making excessive noise regardless the topic.

Also, if someone has shared the news that they're off on holidays, possibly just let them enjoy that without adding the negative comments

@BackAgainHere what an excellent and perceptive post, thank you, and I'm sorry that you've also been through that. You've eloquently said everything I wanted to but was taking a bit too personally to do coherently.

Your examples are not comparable.

I have a spider phobia. If I saw a spider across the room I would be able to quietly move away from it or similar, If it were on my arm, I'd likely panic, scream and jump up. I know, because this had happened in the past. It happens very quickly before I've had time to process or think about what is happening - it's instinctive. The latter is more comparable to what happened to the OP ie a wasp flying around her face.

If a dog suddenly jumped up at you having not realised it was there, would you just quietly and calmly move away, I suspect not. And even if you could, just because you have managed to master your phobia, doesn't mean others have or can do this.

She hasn't said that it was after the excitement she realised.

I don't think that's quite true. In most professional environments you'll have customers around, or Senior managers in the midst of the general workforce now hot-desking and open plan is more common than individual offices,

if you value your career and want to be taken seriously as a woman in the workplace, then it isn't advisable to (for example) shriek, giggle/laugh or talk about non-work things at the top of your voice, disrupt people who are trying to work or on the phone/computer or having a work meeting.

that isn't being robotic, it's acting according to the environment. Not dissimilar to what is being advised on here, being self-aware of those around you and being socially intelligent.

Utterly pathetic (your colleagues, not you)

No you haven't. You've provided a quote saying that a complaint was made but not one that says it was the pregnant colleague. Which is strange, because you were falling over yourself to mock me for pointing out that OP had never said that. It's almost as if you were wrong but don't want to admit it.

well I don’t think I am wrong. I mean who else is going to complain? If the pregnant colleague wasn’t upset then what’s the problem 🤷‍♀️

I was about to say, bet it's something like NHS office!!

@oakleaffy - you win the internet today 😂

you've made massive leaps here in lots of assumptions 'most' environments
shriek/giggle, talking at the top of your voice
I've worked for 30 years in a range of workplaces and never come across the extremes that are chucked around on here

"Talking about a bad experience in a place where someone is excited to go is really rude!"

Why? If there are risks in the place, it's wise to mention it imo.
If a friend said they were going to Afghanistan, would you just say 'oh great'??

"Lots of people have a phobia of spiders - if they all did what you did every time they saw a spider in the office, it would be chaos, but they don't do they?"

Well, I've seen them do it actually and I've gone to help by putting the spider out of the window. The people with phobias can't do that themselves.
Wasps actually sting though so OP's reaction is even more understandable.

Well if it's extreme then you would say something but nobody likes a Negative Nancy.

I can see that her examples are exaggerated. However across all 3 situations, there does seem to be some (not huge but some) lack of situational awareness on your part. The thing about people who are a bit socially tone deaf / self absorbed is, they can always give a reason to justify their behaviour

"I don't think that's quite true. In most professional environments you'll have customers around, or Senior managers in the midst of the general workforce now hot-desking and open plan is more common than individual offices,"

If the senior managers choose to sit with the plebs they have to put up with conversations!

"if you value your career and want to be taken seriously as a woman in the workplace, then it isn't advisable to (for example) shriek, giggle/laugh or talk about non-work things at the top of your voice, disrupt people who are trying to work or on the phone/computer or having a work meeting."

How sexist. Is it Ok for a man to shriek and giggle?

@crochetmonkey74

I think the pedantry on MN over semantics is the problem . Pregnancy 'announcement' is a perfectly normal way to explain telling people you are pregnant. The use of the word announcement here does not mean that they gathered everyone and did a formal announcement/ proclamation.

But if it was an informal announcement to a group of friends (which by implication the OP wasn’t included in), all the weirder that they took umbrage at her sudden switch of conversation topic from afar.

It’s one thing if someone is making a formal announcement to colleagues to require attention but this strikes me as a greyer area. Some of these colleagues seem to want to have it both ways: they both don’t include the OP in their discussions but they want to police her behaviour on the fringes of that conversation.

If they were having a little chat which the OP wasn’t party to and she randomly shouted out this comment about the house I can see it’s a bit weird and inappropriate but it’s not as if they had invited into the discussion anyway? So while I do think her behaviour was not helpful I think it’s a bit of a cheek for them to say she was being rude to the person making the “announcement”. They sound very bitchy and controlling.

Yes!!! 1000 times yes! Couldn’t agree with you more. Thank you x

@BurnsBurnsBurns - can you clear up the logistics of the announcement interruption?

You said 5 people were in that pregnancy conversation, and you were sat alone, further away, looking at your phone and not being loud - how did you interrupt anything?

I'm really sorry OP but I think reading between the lines it's clear you are crossing boundaries and excusing/dismissing that is one way to deal with it but I think in the long run you'd be better focusing on the issue.

If you interrupted enough for an entire group of people to complain, then surely it's even weirder of you to have been suddenly announcing your good news to a group who were in the middle of discussing one of the group's pregnancy announcement? Who did you engage in order to do this?

And again, if you have form, I would heed the feedback.

I do caveat this with saying I am introverted and being overstepping in someone's personal space or being the centre of attention is something I am deeply uncomfortable with and so things like this just don't happen to me, so it could really be that people are misinterpreting your intentions.

However I do think its important to be aware that we can all lack self awareness and it's part of learning, growing and becoming a more experience human to take into account peoples' reactions to our behaviour, whether that matches up with our own perceptions or not.

experienced*

It’s a large table made up of 4 tables if that makes sense. The others were all sat around table 1 and 2 whereas I was sat opposite them all on table 4.

colleague was started to say she had something to tell everyone, I listened in and she said she was pregnant. Everyone started congratulating her (including me) and then a discussion took off around the subject. At this point I went back to doing my own thing and then received a text. I got excited as I had been waiting for this text all day. I blurted out as soon as I read it without thinking.

Are you normally out of it a bit? I mean are they all really friendly to each other but not so much with you?

Mmm, it's very unusual for people to actually point out another person's poor social skills. That suggests you probably are acting in a way that irritates others. Sorry.

I have been that person. When I was younger, I failed to notice social cues. I didn't think about other people's feelings very much. I didn't appreciate social subtlety. It took me a long time to learn – and to value – social skills. Sometimes I still get it wrong, but I do try my best.

How old are you, OP?

So you knew very well the focus was on your colleague, and were even part of the initial conversation (not what you claimed initially) and then diverted attention to you?

Yes this is a theme for me going right back to primary school.