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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this has moved into bullying territory?

808 replies

BurnsBurnsBurns · 13/07/2023 06:18

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 13/07/2023 10:46

ripplingwater · 13/07/2023 10:16

Completely disagree. I enjoy the office environment- I enjoy chatting to colleagues and have made some genuine friendships in work (people I am still in touch with even though they left ages ago).

Not everyone loves working from home. I dont consider normal social interactions as "nonsense" and I say that as someone who is an introvert and also values time alone.

Show quote history

You have forgotten that on mumsnet work is a place to robotically go, sit in silence doing your work whilst revealing nothing of your personality and madly guarding all aspects of your personal life - whereas in the real world, lots of people love work and enjoy their colleagues and have a nice time

ifIwerenotanandroid · 13/07/2023 10:46

TimesRwo · 13/07/2023 09:54

That for me is telling. OP obviously thinks the manager is independent enough to approach them about it. The manager didn’t agree with OP’s concerns, showing even the manager has noticed OP’s behaviour.

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You may be right. There's also the possibility that the manager doesn't want to get involved in arguments & emotional stuff.

Sugaristheenemy · 13/07/2023 10:47

So you'll have no problem providing the relevant quote then 😂😂😂😂

“On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s news”

Tidsleytiddy · 13/07/2023 10:55

OP must have history of trying to steal others’ thunder. I can’t see this being a one-off incident.

ripplingwater · 13/07/2023 10:55

crochetmonkey74 · 13/07/2023 10:46

You have forgotten that on mumsnet work is a place to robotically go, sit in silence doing your work whilst revealing nothing of your personality and madly guarding all aspects of your personal life - whereas in the real world, lots of people love work and enjoy their colleagues and have a nice time

Show quote history

haha! yes, sorry I forgot that rule 😂

From hence forth, I shall go to work in complete silence, never speak to anyone, avoid all eye contact and any facial expressions that might indicate joy or fun of any kind.

I'm also only "allowed" to make friends at social clubs specifically for that purpose apparently. Its a rule.

Eve171 · 13/07/2023 10:58

You do sound annoying. I would complain about you as well! You sound like you want everything to be about YOU.

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 10:59

ripplingwater · 13/07/2023 10:55

haha! yes, sorry I forgot that rule 😂

From hence forth, I shall go to work in complete silence, never speak to anyone, avoid all eye contact and any facial expressions that might indicate joy or fun of any kind.

I'm also only "allowed" to make friends at social clubs specifically for that purpose apparently. Its a rule.

Show quote history

You are allowed not to bother other people with gossip and let them work if they want to? Is it that hard? When do you get any work done if you are as busy being social as you claim?

BodegaSushi · 13/07/2023 10:59

cansu · 13/07/2023 06:42

Since when do adults complain at work that their colleagues ruin their news! Is this for real?

This really. OP sounds annoying, but so do the other colleagues. 'Ruining' announcing a holiday? Are people for real?

Also what kind of work place is this that personal announcements are regularly made to the masses?

Tidsleytiddy · 13/07/2023 11:00

Eve171 · 13/07/2023 10:58

You do sound annoying. I would complain about you as well! You sound like you want everything to be about YOU.

👍

BodegaSushi · 13/07/2023 11:00

LemonsOnTheMelons · 13/07/2023 06:42

Seriously? You ruined a pregnancy announcement by announcing you bought a house?

Do you not understand social cues? Confused

Lololololol pregnancy news is only interesting to some, for me a new house would be more exciting, but there you go.

Daffodil92 · 13/07/2023 11:01

Op it sounds like this was a straw that broke the camels back and they’re all fed up of it. You’ve apologised now, take your bosses advice and move on. They’ll come around, just try and be less self centred and a little bit more socially aware in future.

chocolatemademefat · 13/07/2023 11:05

Learn to read the room. It’s not all about you. I’m sure you could’ve let her have her moment before you waded in.

And flapping about causing a scene because of a wasp isn’t on. Maybe stop acting like a child desperate for attention.

Humidititties · 13/07/2023 11:06

Quite a few bullies on here too.

lieselotte · 13/07/2023 11:07

LemonsOnTheMelons · 13/07/2023 06:42

Seriously? You ruined a pregnancy announcement by announcing you bought a house?

Do you not understand social cues? Confused

Oh for goodness sake. A pregnancy announcement is important for the person concerned, not anyone else. And why does it have to be a big moment - just tell the people you work with once you feel ready to.

I think the OP's colleagues are overreacting, like many people on this thread.

However, none of us were there, so we don't know how it came across.

I do think still going on about days later is over the top and nonsensical.

Talking about a bad experience in a place where someone is excited to go is really rude people do it all the time though. It's hardly a reason to ostracise someone at work.

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 11:07

Quite a few bullies on here too.

This kind of thread really brings them out. Their eyes light up at the opportunity to join in.

lieselotte · 13/07/2023 11:08

BodegaSushi · 13/07/2023 10:59

This really. OP sounds annoying, but so do the other colleagues. 'Ruining' announcing a holiday? Are people for real?

Also what kind of work place is this that personal announcements are regularly made to the masses?

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Yes all of this.

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 13/07/2023 11:09

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 10:59

You are allowed not to bother other people with gossip and let them work if they want to? Is it that hard? When do you get any work done if you are as busy being social as you claim?

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We're really sociable where I work even the boss. Sometimes the boss is the worse sociable one. He makes a shit loads of money too. You would hate it here.

ILoveWillSmith · 13/07/2023 11:09

Do you all work in a Catherine Tate 'comedy' sketch? I feel for the manager.

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 13/07/2023 11:11

I've just been into my colleague's/friend's office to ask her is she's excited about her upcoming maternity leave.

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 13/07/2023 11:12

ILoveWillSmith · 13/07/2023 11:09

Do you all work in a Catherine Tate 'comedy' sketch? I feel for the manager.

😂

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 11:16

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 13/07/2023 11:09

We're really sociable where I work even the boss. Sometimes the boss is the worse sociable one. He makes a shit loads of money too. You would hate it here.

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I probably would.

My social life is out of the office, so I would have to waste time at work and miss out on everything else 😂

Teateaandmoretea · 13/07/2023 11:20

They sound like a bunch of immature teenagers.

Bit like most of the people on this thread. I work with irritating people (and clearly the OP has done something annoying which she's apologised for) but maintain professionalism and let things go.

Teateaandmoretea · 13/07/2023 11:21

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 11:07

Quite a few bullies on here too.

This kind of thread really brings them out. Their eyes light up at the opportunity to join in.

Completely agree, they love tearing the OP's character to bits over something really minor. It's pathetic frankly.

horseyhorsey17 · 13/07/2023 11:26

Daffodil92 · 13/07/2023 11:01

Op it sounds like this was a straw that broke the camels back and they’re all fed up of it. You’ve apologised now, take your bosses advice and move on. They’ll come around, just try and be less self centred and a little bit more socially aware in future.

This.

tunbridgeoutrage · 13/07/2023 11:31

BrutusMcDogface · 13/07/2023 06:20

This.

you say it wasn’t done with malicious intent, but if you did something wrong then people are bound to be unhappy about it.

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But ostracising someone in the workplace is bullying. When you single a colleague out like that it is unprofessional

The issue of "spoiling" other people's news has been dealt with and has nothing to do with performance at work. They need to talk to OP in order to work with her. Ignoring her for this reason is really not on.

OP you need to talk to HR. IF this behaviour continues you should raise a grievance. This should be done confidentially and a good HR department will be able to deal with it with tact and care.

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