To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

A 'pregnancy announcement'? Were there trumpeters and heralds? Don't most people just say 'I'm pregnant' without the fanfare, after all it's not a world shattering event!

Having said that when I was pregnant with No 1 we flew back to the UK to tell people as I had a vision of my mother collapsing at the bottom of the stairs, we'd been married 8 years and, as she said to MIL, we were enjoying ourselves too much to have babies!

Completely disagree. I enjoy the office environment- I enjoy chatting to colleagues and have made some genuine friendships in work (people I am still in touch with even though they left ages ago).

Not everyone loves working from home. I dont consider normal social interactions as "nonsense" and I say that as someone who is an introvert and also values time alone.

In this life not everyone is going to like you and sone work places can develop odd group dynamics. As far as you can ignore, keep your head down and get on with work. If it turns really nasty speak to your boss or HR.

I'm another who doesn't think OP has done anything wrong, some bizarre responses on here

See I think it’s so arrogant and obnoxious to make a big announcement to colleagues. You’re not my family or friends, I don’t care if you’re pregnant! Mention it in a team meeting or something!

I would also be looking at my phone non stop if I was waiting for news on a house offer.

Oh lets be honest no one says 'I'm pregnant' and the conversation instantly moves on and if it did thats fucking rude in itself.

Someone says 'I'm pregnant' then people are congratulating and asking questions like 'when you due?', 'do you know if its a boy or a girl? or are you finding out?' maybe even 'do you need a (insert item) we have one from when Timmy was little' etc... and sharing their stories.

Then someone pops up yelling over everyone 'We got the house, we got the house' its of course downright bloody rude. Just as it would be to but into ANY conversation like that.

I don't want to chat with colleagues, I don't want to deal with the OP. I have work to do.

Join a social club if you confuse the work environment with a place to make friends.

Even if you try to be social, you have people like the OP who then complain to management that the others "are mean". FFS, it's not a playground, people don't have to like you, or invite you to something, they just have to be polite, non-offensive and professional.

Yea it was a conversation going on in the background. There were 5 people talking about it, I was sat a bit further away

WHERE do you get the "big announcement" from that?

Noone is saying you have to. I am referring to your assertion that people are "desperate" to work from home. Not everyone is. HTH.

I dont go to work to make friends but it happens- thats pretty normal, lots of people even meet their partners at work lol

For what its worth, I also understand why the OP's colleagues are annoyed with her.

I don't think that's what OP meant at all she doesn't sound attention seeking to me. By the sounds of it she wasn't even involved in the conversation. If you go back and read the post OP made she was sitting away from this group and was on the phone having her lunch. Is she meant to be silent for others in her lunch break? All bow down to the cliques of the office? She's come here for support and your aggressive diatribe "fucking insufferable " isn't HELPFUL.

Even just knowing we are only getting your half of the story and only a few of the examples here, you do sound a "topper" as a PP said. No-one likes them and they are so utterly predictable. Just hope your colleagues haven't started a @BurnsBurnsBurns "Bingo" card with things they know you will do and say.

Just apologise to the pregnant co-worker if you feel you need to, and shut up. Keep your experiences of a holiday place to yourself unless asked, keep your private/house buying life to yourself and stop flapping about when a wasp is in the room.

if EVERYONE is against you rarely is it everyone else thats wrong

But that's often exactly how bullying dynamics work. They bond over a collective scapegoat.

I love this response, it’s exactly what I’d say to you.

And I think people on here are being very mean. You did nothing wrong OP.

To answer OP’s questions yes excluding and icing our a colleague is bullying.

But on MN it’s considered fine to announce your pregnancy at someone else’s wedding. The more good news the better. Mumsnet is strange sometimes.

I agree, while it's nice to speak to people face to face occasionally WFH makes things so much more tranquil 😂 why should anyone put up with the foolishness of office politics and school yard bull.

I don't think you have done anything wrong OP. At another time, they would be interested in what just made you squeak. It was the timing that was wrong and infantile colleagues

Why do your colleagues need so much validation from you? That is weird.

if you read the OP, it sounds like a small group of 5 people wanted to have a chat between themselves without being interrupted by the OP loudly shouting about her "news".

Why does the office have to be all about the OP? No wonder the manager is advising her to get on with her work, he or she's not a babysitter.

Wow. People are playing fast and loose with the word "ruined" here.

it's very entertaining to read a thread about it, but dealing with that full time in real life? If I was the manager, I would be the one calling sick😂

But on MN it’s considered fine to announce your pregnancy at someone else’s wedding.

TBF, I think it depends on what you mean by “announcing”. Your Auntie Mary asks how things are and you say, “actually, we’re expecting a baby in August”? Fine. If you snatch the microphone from the father of the bride and say “Enough about those two - the big news of the day is that I’m pregnant”? Obviously not.

Thank goodness. Some words of wisdom glad you joined MN to share a bit of common sense.

OP, I don't know if you've pulled yourself together and gone into work or have just decided not to engage with this thread anymore but at no point that I can find have you elaborated on how they're being "off" with you. If they're actively being hostile, physically making it clear you're not welcome among them (by which I mean, literally closing ranks, literally giving you the cold shoulder), that might be called bullying. If they are just not wanting to get into conversation with you or make small talk, that's understandable. They're fed up with you. Your attention seeking has really pissed them off. Why should they waste energy placating you? If you keep a lid on the histrionics for a while, it might all blow over. Be prepared though that now you've gone and "told on them", it might not. But instead of just whingeing on here, think about how your behaviour impacts others and try to do something about it. I had my childhood and adolescence ruined by my "best friend" who pissed on every single nice aspect of my life and every good thing that happened to me. She played Top Trumps with every single thing, some of which harmed me greatly. I now know that that was bullying. Think about that.

I think you sound like an attention seeking pita

The examples you've given do make it sound like you're not very self-aware. e The suddenly blurting out to your colleagues that you've had an offer accepted on a house and leaping up and flapping about because of a wasp seem like quite immature behaviours for an adult in the workplace. It is also infuriating, when someone is excited about a holiday, for them to be told about all the terrible things that might happen to them.

The fact that your colleague had noticed a pattern and remembered these examples does suggest that perhaps you are not particularly tactful or considered in your behaviour around others. However, I also think your colleague certainly shouldn't have raised it in the way that they did.