Page 11 | To think this has moved into bullying territory?

BurnsBurnsBurns · 2023-07-13T05:18:17+00:00

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

Sugaristheenemy · 13/07/2023 09:58

! If there's a genuine concern about her behaviour then it needs to be handled via the correct channels. A group of people can't just take it upon themselves to punish someone for having a particular personality, in a supposedly professional environment

This

starfishmummy · 13/07/2023 09:59

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 13/07/2023 06:53

You all sound like hard work.

Actually, do you manage to get any work done in your workplace, what with all the announcements, the shouting and the screaming and the moaning about everything?

This! Can't remember any one doing big announcements from pregnancies, new jobs or holidays in any of my workplaces!

Plbrookes · 13/07/2023 09:59

Sugaristheenemy · 13/07/2023 09:55

Yes I have. Have you 😂😂😂😂? If you have, try quoting the bit where OP says the pregnant colleague complained 😂😂😂😂

Isn't that sort of the point of the thread though? OP spoiled the pregnant colleagues announcement and now she’s got the hump?

So where does OP claim that?

newhaircut · 13/07/2023 09:59

Nothing the OP has said indicates bullying to me. It seems like a direct pissed off reaction to her actual behaviour at work

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 10:00

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:57

I hope none of you berating the OP have ND children. Because that is probably their future in a workplace.

oh please, people need to start taking some responsibility and not expect the whole world to revolve around them.

It's a work environment. Get on with your job, get your pay check and stop with the drama and attention seeking.

Justaddalittlespice · 13/07/2023 10:01

Stop screaming and shouting and running around the office your not 2. Stop interrupting others and wait your turn again your not 2. If someone is excited about something like a holiday don't talk negatively about it to them that's just mean and unnecessary

mangochops · 13/07/2023 10:01

I hope none of you berating the OP have ND children. Because that is probably their future in a workplace

OP has not mentioned being ND once.

Sugaristheenemy · 13/07/2023 10:02

So where does OP claim that?

In the OP

GuinnessBird · 13/07/2023 10:02

Your examples taken separately do sound trivial but added up together I can definitely see why you've pissed off some colleagues.

You seem to be up your own arse to be blunt.

TimesRwo · 13/07/2023 10:03

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:57

I hope none of you berating the OP have ND children. Because that is probably their future in a workplace.

It’s actually quite offensive for you to suggest that anyone who is rude and attention seeking must be ND.

Plbrookes · 13/07/2023 10:03

Sugaristheenemy · 13/07/2023 10:02

So where does OP claim that?

In the OP

So you'll have no problem providing the relevant quote then 😂😂😂😂

DrSbaitso · 13/07/2023 10:03

ontetwo3 · 13/07/2023 07:44

Goodness me! I would hate to work in a place where colleagues 'announce' their pregnancies and expect a round of applause, or are chastised because they stole someone else's thunder. It is a workplace, not a playground.

I would ignore the comments, get on with your work, and try to keep your personal life out of the workplace (your colleagues should do the same).

The etiquette behind announcing pregnancies is also questionable. We might tell our close friends the good news, but there could be others who are indifferent to the news or who may even be triggered by it. Why should the whole office need to know?

Perhaps the thing that really makes me shudder about this incident is the fact that the 'gang' of colleagues then started to bring up every little incident in which the OP had 'spoiled' someone's news. What a horrible, toxic, time-wasting environment!

We might tell our close friends the good news, but there could be others who are indifferent to the news or who may even be triggered by it. Why should the whole office need to know?

Because otherwise you'll have no idea why your colleague gains a load of weight and then disappears for several months. Then you might fill her position permanently because you don't realise she's coming back. Then she sues you and the company collapses, and then you're on the streets washing in puddles and selling matches to try to make ends meet.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 13/07/2023 10:04

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 09:57

I hope none of you berating the OP have ND children. Because that is probably their future in a workplace.

I hope I manage to teach my ND child better social skills. Shouting out is never appropriate and that is a lesson that should be being taught and reinforced from the word go, use your indoor voice.

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 10:04

It’s actually quite offensive for you to suggest that anyone who is rude and attention seeking must be ND.

OP hasn't described herself as rude and attention-seeking though, and neither have I. That has come from other posters.

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 13/07/2023 10:04

orangegato · 13/07/2023 09:55

The woman is acting like the first person on earth to get pregnant. I expect no gave any
more or less of a shit that her earth shattering news was interrupted.

I don't agree. I'm friends with my colleagues and I was genuinely interested about one of them being pregnant.

Tidsleytiddy · 13/07/2023 10:05

newhaircut · 13/07/2023 09:59

Nothing the OP has said indicates bullying to me. It seems like a direct pissed off reaction to her actual behaviour at work

And I think we can assume it’s a repeating pattern of behaviour which colleagues are utterly fed up with. Got to be the centre of attention at all times. I doubt the others are bullying her. People like the OP always play the victim. They’re NEVER the villain

Iolani · 13/07/2023 10:05

They all seem a bit precious tbh.
I get no one wants their ‘moment’ ruined but how long does it take to say ‘I’m pregnant ‘.
Next time, keep off the phone, don’t make any conversation or tell stories about your experiences etc as clearly you’re not allowed to.
Id take a couple of days sicky as they are all being bullies now and your boss /hr should not be brushing this aside.

Nothing more needs to be said about it on Monday when you go back in.
Maybe look for another job. Try finding a job with more men, they arent so precious.
I work with all guys as an architect and have never heard of such pathetic behaviour. No one would take a blind bit of notice and just congratulate you too on you’re good luck. Double celebration down the pub ( I will be ignoring all MN who disagree with this and no I’m not a bloke )

Lesson learnt, you know who you work with so play along next time or find a more relaxed environment to work in.

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 10:05

hope I manage to teach my ND child better social skills. Shouting out is never appropriate and that is a lesson that should be being taught and reinforced from the word go, use your indoor voice.

You can't teach them not to have that uncanny-valley effect on people that makes other people just not take to them, and pick at every little thing they do. You can train them to mask and make themselves less of a target though. Tiring but at least somewhat effective.

TimesRwo · 13/07/2023 10:06

JudgeAnderson · 13/07/2023 10:04

It’s actually quite offensive for you to suggest that anyone who is rude and attention seeking must be ND.

OP hasn't described herself as rude and attention-seeking though, and neither have I. That has come from other posters.

OP hasn’t described herself as ND either. That’s your assumption based on her behaviour.

Behaviour that the majority find rude and attention seeking.

KimberleyClark · 13/07/2023 10:07

cansu · 13/07/2023 06:42

Since when do adults complain at work that their colleagues ruin their news! Is this for real?

This. I’ve rarely worked anywhere where people made a big thing of announcing a pregnancy.

CatsAreBetterThanPpl · 13/07/2023 10:08

I can't believe some of the responses on here. OP's come on here for support and people have totally jumped in not having been there to witness it blaming OP! I've had similar situations in work places in the past and have learnt to keep quiet around covens of women who are like this... it sounds very school yard which unfortunately is the way of office politics alot of the time.

Only thing I would say is if someone is talking about a holiday and you had a bad experience maybe stay quiet (they sound like they don't deserve the background knowledge and should find out for themselves).

If you weren't involved in the conversation I think it sounds a bit far fetched on their side that you were ruining her news!?! What did she want total silence and fireworks at the end of her speech what a bizarre work place.

I'm also wasp phobic - balloon up if I'm stung and had a very bad experience waking up with one crawling on my face in my teens and I've struggled to stay calm around them.

Congratulations on the offer don't let the idiots get you down. Give it the week go in there with what I'd call your war paint. Wait for it to blow over stay quiet keep your head down and crack on. Find an ally and stay away from the crowd of haters. If they're still being off with you or are making it difficult for you to work then approach your manager again OP.

Don't rise to the vying for attention brigade next time there's news just stay out of it or keep quiet. We're all meant to be adults it's not the playground anymore. Keep that at the forefront of your mind.

SlightlyJaded · 13/07/2023 10:09

Coffeetree · 13/07/2023 07:35

I'm trying to imagine a job where these intricate prolonged interactions are even possible. What on earth do you do? I imagine a bunch of people trapped in a very small space with hardly anything to do.

Stop over-apologising. Brisk smile, "That was silly of me. I'm over the moon for you!" Then focus on work, wear headphones "to help you focus" and work on meeting and exceeding your targets.

Don't bring it up with your manager again. It's not bullying, it's just a bunch of bored people.

Really? Are you a robot? Of course work colleagues have intricate and prolonged conversations. I am struggling to imagine a job where you can't talk to colleagues and can really only come up with a call centre where you are being watched and timed, or some kind of job where you work alone - delivery driver for example.

I am 52 and have worked freelance for the last 20 years - so within many many companies and I have never worked anywhere where you couldn't chat and interact with colleagues. And no - not a small space with hardly anything to do - just a normal work environment.

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 10:11

SlightlyJaded · 13/07/2023 10:09

Really? Are you a robot? Of course work colleagues have intricate and prolonged conversations. I am struggling to imagine a job where you can't talk to colleagues and can really only come up with a call centre where you are being watched and timed, or some kind of job where you work alone - delivery driver for example.

I am 52 and have worked freelance for the last 20 years - so within many many companies and I have never worked anywhere where you couldn't chat and interact with colleagues. And no - not a small space with hardly anything to do - just a normal work environment.

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and this is why people are so desperate to work from home and have a chance to WORK, not wasting their day with all that nonsense

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 13/07/2023 10:13

KimberleyClark · 13/07/2023 10:07

This. I’ve rarely worked anywhere where people made a big thing of announcing a pregnancy.

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They might be friends as well as colleagues. They might have been trying for a while. I mean we don't have a staff meeting with a big announcement if someone is pregnant but a group of colleagues talking about it is different to a big announcement.

Are the other colleagues cliquey? Which might be hard for OP in general.

JusthereforXmas · 13/07/2023 10:15

You sound like a me, me, me who can't stand anyone else having any attention... you're not going to get much sympathy as we have all met someone like that and its fucking insufferable.

'Yesterday everyone was being really off with me'

The fact it keeps happening and everyone is off with you says everything... if EVERYONE is against you rarely is it everyone else thats wrong.