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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just realising my friends think wearing glasses is 'lesser' and now I feel like shit

178 replies

Speczy · 12/07/2023 23:57

As the title suggests, I wear glasses. Can't go about my daily life without them. I do have contact lenses but I rarely wear them now.

A friend, older than me by 6 years, needs readers. For small print, nothing major. She is 51 for context. Put it in our chat group (with one other v close friend who is only 40).

The whole narrative was that glasses are an old person thing, how would I wear them? Do I need a lanyard to carry them? Goodness, what kind of bag can I fit them in? Where will I put them? I'll need to wear them at work!! Shocked, glasses, what an inconvenience and a nightmare! Etc.

This was a back and forth between my friends on the group chat. I've been wearing glasses for decades...aibu to be hurt by this? I'm a big, tough grown up, but feel like shit after reading that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Speczy · 12/07/2023 23:58

The younger friend also says she needs glasses, hence the back and forth. Although, it can wait apparently

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 13/07/2023 00:03

I think people are only thinking about what it means for them. She’s needed glasses because of aging, not because she needed them as a matter of course. I think people can see these things as entirely separate! Glasses as a sign you’re getting older, vs glasses to correct your eyesight at a younger age. It’s totally illogical but I reckon that’s it. It’s getting used to a new inconvenience.

Whattheactualwhatnow · 13/07/2023 00:05

needing Reading glasses is typically an unwelcome and inconvenience signifier of advancing age and as such not something any of us are going to approach with much enthusiasm or joy. So I’d say pissing and moaning about it would be quite standard, and it’s probably not really about the glasses… this really is completely different and unrelated to the fact that You are short sighted and need to wear corrective lenses. So no need to take it personally.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/07/2023 00:06

It’s purely because it symbolises ageing, and none of them can stand the thought it’s starting to having an effect on their bodies. It comes as quite a shock, you know! 😆

StayAnonn · 13/07/2023 00:06

I think you're being very oversensitive op.

For someone who's had perfect vision all their lives to then need glasses in their 50's - well yes, it is a sign of aging and I can imagine someone thinking it's a fairly big deal and having questions.

Having glasses is a pain in the ass at times. Open the oven or dishwasher - poof, steamed up and blind. Make up - more difficult. Swimming, urgghhh. It's inconvenient. Contacts - costly and extra faff.

If I could click a button and have perfect vision, I would. Wouldn't you?

Azandme · 13/07/2023 00:06

It's new to them.

I've been spexy for 32 years - and I still remember all the faff of getting used to them, knowing where to put them/what do with them etc when I got my first pair aged 12.

In the nicest possible way this isn't about you. It's about them facing up to the fact they're getting older and their vision is deteriorating, and having to get used to those feelings.

I needed mine because of astigmatism. 32 years in, I was HORRIFIED to discover I'm heading for varifocals - because in my head that means I'm getting older. So for me, wearing glasses isn't synonymous with ageing because I've had them since I was a child, but having varifocals is.

Your friends haven't needed them before, they need them for reasons related to ageing, so of course it's making them feel their ages.

Yfory · 13/07/2023 00:07

Ive worn glasses since I was 6. Does that mean Ive been an old lady since I was 6? They dont sound like very nice friends tbh - the comments they are making are as stupid as the comments I got............ when I was 6! Specky four eyes etc.

Id either tell them to grow up and stop being mean. OR find better friends.

NewtonsCradle · 13/07/2023 00:10

If their problems in life are having to wear glasses... Like everyone does as their vision deteriorates... They've led very privileged lives.

Yfory · 13/07/2023 00:11

Ah........ seeing other peoples comments....... interesting I hadnt thought of it that way. Obvs they are struggling to come to terms with the idea of getting older, finding that difficult etc.
I still think they need to wind their necks in tbh. Wearing glasses really isnt a big deal at all. People of all ages need them. There are some really cool and funky designs too.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 13/07/2023 00:11

Wearing glasses is a pain in the arse. Life is easier without them and it’s unreasonable to get annoyed at people for acknowledging that fact. If you’ve always lived with poor vision it is hard to imagine how much better it is to not have to consider glasses/lenses. If you’ve always had good vision it’s hard to imagine how annoying it is to have glasses. If you’re someone who has poor vision and seek medical treatment for that it is really fucking annoying when people tell you that the surgery to correct your poorly functioning sense is “cosmetic”.

sorry, that went off on one. Glasses are annoying if you aren’t used to them.

mellicauli · 13/07/2023 00:12

inability to embrace change. Now that’s more of an old lady characteristic

Original poster
Speczy · 13/07/2023 00:13

"Having glasses is a pain in the ass at times. Open the oven or dishwasher - poof, steamed up and blind. Make up - more difficult. Swimming, urgghhh. It's inconvenient. Contacts - costly and extra faff.

If I could click a button and have perfect vision, I would. Wouldn't you?"

Yes! All of those things. Thank you all. This is why I love MN! I'm being over sensitive Blush

OP posts:
Beenhereforever1978 · 13/07/2023 00:13

I thought I had blurred vision because of hay fever for MONTHS and it turned out I just needed some readers!

I turned to my parents for a moan (I'm getting old!) and my mum said I was lucky to not have inherited her eyesight, she's had to wear glasses for decades also. My dad just laughed and asked if I didn't just need my arms lengthening!

I'm not thrilled by needing them if I'm honest, and may have cracked a few jokes about getting old. It honestly wouldn't have occurred to me that those jokes spoke to anything other than my own situation.

ErrolTheDragon · 13/07/2023 00:14

Yes, the problem here is specifically reading glasses. They're a bit of a nuisance because you only need them when you're reading, hence the questions about lanyards and carrying them in a bag. And longsightedness is something that comes to many of us as we get older - middle aged though, not 'old'. It takes a bit of getting used to having to carry them or go and find them to read a bloody food packet.
Otoh, someone like my DH who's been shortsighted since teenage doesn't have to faff - he never loses his glasses or has to think where they are as they're always on his face when he's awake. They're such a constant that they're almost unnoticeable ... you can sometimes forget that people who wear glasses are wearing them because they're part of how they always look iyswim.

So although your friend is being tactless, it's really not at all about you, it's about her.

Feliciacat · 13/07/2023 00:14

I think it’s not that they are saying there’s anything wrong with you or your situation. They are saying, for them, it’s come about from ageing and that feels bad to them.

I’ve had hearing aids since 3 and grey hair since 22. So I’ve been like an elderly person for a long time! For me, it’s my normal but I can see how other people would feel old from having these issues. It’s all to do with how the issues are acquired; not an insult to you.

Remaker · 13/07/2023 00:16

I’ve worn them since I was 40. I have a friend who refuses to wear them and you have to read menus etc for her. It’s vanity and quite silly IMO. I couldn’t care less what other people think, they’ll also be the ones missing out on conversation when they’re older as they’ll be too vain to get hearing aids.

Totaly · 13/07/2023 00:16

It’s just getting used to something new! I’m awful at forgetting time when I go shopping and can tread labels! They feel odd on your face until you get used to them.

It’s all new - get int her and offer some advice.

Original poster
Speczy · 13/07/2023 00:17

"Id either tell them to grow up and stop being mean. OR find better friends."

They haven't been mean at all. That's the whole point of my AIBU! I kind of knew I was BU but now it's been confirmed 😅

OP posts:
Feliciacat · 13/07/2023 00:18

Remaker · 13/07/2023 00:16

I’ve worn them since I was 40. I have a friend who refuses to wear them and you have to read menus etc for her. It’s vanity and quite silly IMO. I couldn’t care less what other people think, they’ll also be the ones missing out on conversation when they’re older as they’ll be too vain to get hearing aids.

I like your mention of hearing aids! Yes, they’re definitely better than not hearing! Vanity be damned!

DNLove · 13/07/2023 00:18

I'd be jumping in with my own comments on the group chat making jokes "oh don't mind me and my big ugly glasses". Send a few photos of Deirdre Barlow "image of you in your new glasses".
I would say that they've nearly forgetten you wear glasses as they are just part of you that they've always known.
It's all about what glasses represent at that age. I even remember being devastated in my 20's getting glasses. Like my body was failing me. Let her go through the motions of dealing with it without making it about you.

powershowerforanhour · 13/07/2023 00:19

I think it's just the ageing dismay, plus an inconvenience they've never been used to. DH had hawk like vision all his life, and still does at a distance, but close up he needs reading glasses now and it's a PITA for him as he keeps losing them in his workshed and round the house, or not having them when he needs them like when we were drenching sheep yesterday and I had to read the measuring line on the dosing gun for him.

I was the opposite- had them, then contacts, for years as very short sighted, then got laser surgery. No ongoing expenses! No bending the leg of your best pair and trying to bend it back! No scratches on the lenses! No steaming up and most of all, no losing the bloody things every six minutes. When I need reading glasses, I will definitely be sulking , "here we go a- bloody-gain".

ErrolTheDragon · 13/07/2023 00:20

There are some really cool and funky designs too.

Not when you need at least half a dozen cheap pairs dotted around the house, cars, handbag... and they have to be narrow vertically so you can perch them on the end of your nose and peer over them for distance vision. Grin

Feliciacat · 13/07/2023 00:20

Speczy · 13/07/2023 00:17

"Id either tell them to grow up and stop being mean. OR find better friends."

They haven't been mean at all. That's the whole point of my AIBU! I kind of knew I was BU but now it's been confirmed 😅

Well it’s one of the much milder AIBUs. I can appreciate why you felt that way. In some AIBU threads, OPs are being terrible. In your one, you had an incorrect perspective. No big deal.

Original poster
Speczy · 13/07/2023 00:21

"Otoh, someone like my DH who's been shortsighted since teenage doesn't have to faff - he never loses his glasses or has to think where they are as they're always on his face when he's awake"

But I bung mine in my bag when I swap them for sunglasses (prescription).

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 13/07/2023 00:22

I too think it's oversensitive. Needing glasses is not as good as having perfect eyesight. I'm sat here in my glasses that I've worn since I was 21. I don't look as good with glasses. My ds both wear glasses from A very young age. Dh wears glasses. Most of my colleagues wear glasses. It must be nice to get to 50 and not have needed them. They're lucky. It's not a big deal and no need to feel shit.

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