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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just realising my friends think wearing glasses is 'lesser' and now I feel like shit

178 replies

Speczy · 12/07/2023 23:57

As the title suggests, I wear glasses. Can't go about my daily life without them. I do have contact lenses but I rarely wear them now.

A friend, older than me by 6 years, needs readers. For small print, nothing major. She is 51 for context. Put it in our chat group (with one other v close friend who is only 40).

The whole narrative was that glasses are an old person thing, how would I wear them? Do I need a lanyard to carry them? Goodness, what kind of bag can I fit them in? Where will I put them? I'll need to wear them at work!! Shocked, glasses, what an inconvenience and a nightmare! Etc.

This was a back and forth between my friends on the group chat. I've been wearing glasses for decades...aibu to be hurt by this? I'm a big, tough grown up, but feel like shit after reading that.

OP posts:
Superdupes · 13/07/2023 07:41

I'm at an age now where I need reading glasses - but I bloody hate them. I look ok in sun glasses but all regular glasses seem to make me look like a man. I just get someone else to read the small print for me instead.

Teateaandmoretea · 13/07/2023 07:42

I’ve needed reading glasses since 42. It’s a pita - mainly losing the bloody things. It isn’t the same as wearing them your whole life.

ActDottie · 13/07/2023 07:43

As a contact lens wearer I’m in agreement with your friends, in my opinion they are such an inconvenience, don’t look as good particularly if I put eye make up on etc. and I’ve never got on with them. They also give me headaches.

I don’t think your friends are being rude to you, just saying why they wouldn’t want glasses themselves.

olympicsrock · 13/07/2023 07:43

You are being over sensitive. If you wear glasses all the time you don’t have to worry about where to keep them , bose of bedside table is easy!

I wear glasses out of choice. They don’t make my eyes dry and do protect my eyes from splashes. I quite like the look of mine too.

just ignore.

WhoToBeToday · 13/07/2023 07:43

Azandme · 13/07/2023 00:06

It's new to them.

I've been spexy for 32 years - and I still remember all the faff of getting used to them, knowing where to put them/what do with them etc when I got my first pair aged 12.

In the nicest possible way this isn't about you. It's about them facing up to the fact they're getting older and their vision is deteriorating, and having to get used to those feelings.

I needed mine because of astigmatism. 32 years in, I was HORRIFIED to discover I'm heading for varifocals - because in my head that means I'm getting older. So for me, wearing glasses isn't synonymous with ageing because I've had them since I was a child, but having varifocals is.

Your friends haven't needed them before, they need them for reasons related to ageing, so of course it's making them feel their ages.

Absolutely this. Been wearing mine since I was 6. The varifocals thing though...not only added ££££ but also yep, age.

Newnamefor23 · 13/07/2023 07:45

I’ve worn glaases since I was 8. I’m 65 now.

A classmate, lets call her Janice Bacon - for that is her name, gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever had - Ignore them.

You may find, like me, that you can dispense with glasses in some situations whilst your friends have to rely on ever strong reading glasses.

Ladyofthelake53 · 13/07/2023 07:50

Old person thing ? Its very fashionable to wear glasses these days. Years ago it wasnt but thats definitely not the case now. Your "friends" sre a bit behind the times id say

Blueblell · 13/07/2023 07:55

Yep having to wear reading glasses came as a shock to me! It’s not the glasses it the ageing.

Both my kids have always needed glasses they are definitely not lesser!

GeekyThings · 13/07/2023 07:55

I used to wear glasses full-time, then didn't need them for around 10 years, now I wear readers. I'm going to go against the grain here and say YANBU - as the old saying goes, intent is not magic, so it doesn't really matter if they're slagging off wearing glasses because it makes them feel old, or it's inconvenient to carry them around, or because they've just forgotten that you wear them (I'm rolling my eyes at that one). They're still being dicks about people who wear glasses, albeit unintentionally!

I personally wouldn't have let it slide, although I would have probably just made a quip back (don't worry about me, I'll just sit here with my specs on, not being offended, lol); not only because it's pretty bad to be that thoughtless at this age, and if they're old enough to wear readers then they're old enough to know that, but also because if they carry on like this outside of your chat group then someone less nice than me might have a few extra words on top of the ones I would give them to shut it down!

Magicpaintbrush · 13/07/2023 07:56

I completely get where you are coming from OP. I also wear glasses full time, not just for reading, and have done since I was 17. I can't wear contact lenses, just can't get on with them at all (plus they are an on-going expense I can't afford anyway). I would be pissed off if my friends said these things too - talk about insensitive. Why go on about how terrible glasses are to someone who wears them daily because they have to? If you can't wear contacts then glasses are your only option - I don't want to wear them but I have to, it's just adding insult to injury really.

Jellycats4life · 13/07/2023 07:58

I’ve worn glasses my whole life (never contacts) and even I’m going to be pissed off when I need separate reading glasses. Or worse… varifocals.

formulaonecar · 13/07/2023 07:59

By this rationale, noone should ever complain about anything. Grey hair?- shut up because someone else might have one. Complain about cost of house repairs?- shut up because someone might only be renting. Complain about cost of living?- shut up because someone else has more debts than you. Complain about a bad holiday?- shut up because someone else might not have even had one. Your life is going to be very stressful if you are that sensitive to every tiny comment.

Catsmere · 13/07/2023 07:59

@Magicpaintbrush exactly!

I'd have been seriously pissed off with these "friends". Probably would have wanted to show them my Gary Oldman Dracula specs from my Goth days and asked just what was "old lady" or otherwise lesser about them.

Original poster
Speczy · 13/07/2023 08:01

"Many people see the normal signs of ageing as a personal affront, instead of accepting it’s ok, it’s not a sign of being lesser in any way or a sign of decrepitude.

I’ve had health problems all my life that cause issues often associated with older age - joint pain, muscle weakness, poor hearing/sight, thin hair, osteoporosis. I think I’m coping with actual impending old age (I am 62) with far more acceptance than my peers, as they have been used to much better health in the past. Acceptance can be difficult but being grateful we live in a country with access to glasses, hearing aids, mobility aids etc, might help, because in places where these aren’t a given and dependent on wealth and circumstance, the impact of ageing are not mitigated."

What a great post. So true

OP posts:
QS90 · 13/07/2023 08:03

It's a bit insensitive of them, a bit like when slim people complain about getting fat, in front of people who actually are overweight. I'm sure it's a case of being a bit self-involved though, rather than nastiness. I think most people can be self involved when they've had a bit of bad news, even if it's minor.

borntobequiet · 13/07/2023 08:07

Glasses make you look more intelligent, or so I’m told. My short sight is improving with age but I will continue to wear my glasses so that no one thinks I’m a dim old lady.

borntobequiet · 13/07/2023 08:08

For reference, I turn 70 in a couple of weeks’ time.

MerryMarigold · 13/07/2023 08:08

Tbh, reading glasses are more of a faff as you need to take them on and off. I am blessed to be very short sighted (glasses since about 9), and now long sighted due to age - so I have varifocals! But I have friends who wear reading glasses and constantly losing them, taking them on and off. It is worse, I think!

Dolphinnoises · 13/07/2023 08:10

Imagine how you’ll feel when you have to get varifocals. This is the boat they are in…

StillWantingADog · 13/07/2023 08:12

Having to wear reading glasses is a bit different IMO but anyway nothing wrong with wearing glasses. I’m 45 and have done since about 16, dh is the same, no shame! We both do have contacts for occasional use but this is rare, I find glasses less hassle overall.

my son had to start wearing at the age of 9, some other parents were horrified. I’m pleased we haven’t made it a big deal for him- he’s fine with it. A friend has a kid that had to start wearing glasses at the same age and she admitted she “cried buckets” when she found out the dd had to wear glasses. I was quite taken aback by that.

Original poster
Speczy · 13/07/2023 08:13

"People are entitled to their own opinions and are even allowed to voice them without this endless need to turn into 'how can i find a way to make this about me'"

Haha, bloody hell. Trust me, the chat is definitely not even nearly all about me 🤣.

The younger friend doesn't need readers, she needs them properly. Anyway, I did post in the chat before I wrote this thread and she's come back to confirm "but you look good in them, whereas we don't think we will." (FWIW I don't)

OP posts:
bellac11 · 13/07/2023 08:15

Lastnightschips · 13/07/2023 07:24

If I’m out for the day (and definitely when I go away overnight) and wear my lenses, I have to take reading glasses, and it’s so annoying to have to wear them in addition to contact lenses. Then I take sunglasses. Sometimes I take my normal glasses as my lenses can annoy me. So I might also take prescription sunglasses. So I might have five pairs of glasses in my bag.

Yeah, after 45 years of wearing glasses they are annoying, reading glasses most of all because of the extra on-off faff and unavoidable sign of getting older!

This is me also

Complete and utter ball ache

Teateaandmoretea · 13/07/2023 08:16

@StillWantingADog completely agree. Dd1 had to wear them for a bit when she was younger. Several people asked me if I was ok I was baffled tbh. It seemed pretty minor to me in comparison to what others were going through.

MerryMarigold · 13/07/2023 08:16

Dolphinnoises · 13/07/2023 08:10

Imagine how you’ll feel when you have to get varifocals. This is the boat they are in…

Yeah, good point. I delayed it from when the optician first suggested it, for 5 years. Until it was getting incredibly difficult to function. Then I got one pair varifocals and one pair normal. The normal ones were my preferred frames. Now I wear the varifocals much more, and my preferred frames don't get worn.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 13/07/2023 08:19

I've worn glasses my entire life but now need a seperate pair for computer work and seperate perscription sunnies. Its such a faff compared to just having them on your face all the time.