Update- My boyfriends family member paid for everyone’s ice cream, AIBU for being upset that bf didn’t say anything

[Redrose28]

Hi all, I recently made a post about an outing with my boyfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, where we all got ice creams and the sisters boyfriend paid for everyone except mine.

I bought it up with my boyfriend calmly. He told me that what happened was: I offered to pay for my boyfriend, and the sisters boyfriend offered a few seconds later as he hadn’t heard me. For some reason, my boyfriend thought I wouldn’t want him to pay for me so didn’t suggest paying for me, and instead accepted the sisters boyfriends suggestion of paying. My boyfriend then defended the sisters boyfriend, saying that he didn’t consider it rude towards me, the sisters boyfriend wanted to pay him back for things my boyfriend has done for him.

That’s quite confusing but hope it makes some sense!

So my boyfriend essentially thought the situation was not rude in any way. I can see his point of view, at the same time not feeling that he understands my point of view in any way doesn’t feel great.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Then you won't understand because you have no experience. Sil and bil may not like her or have an opinion of her. Why pay for 3 when there is 4 people there it does look deliberate. I wouldn't behave like the sister boyfriend if there is 4 of us and I offer to buy them something on me I will buy for everyone.

The thing I've got from this is that we are living in times where the price of an ice cream is such that it's no longer an inexpensive, cheap, happy making snack for all, but is a carefully thought out item of expenditure that may be granted as a thank you gift to specific individuals for favours previously given and that buying a 'round of ice creams' is a social faux pas.

One must always leave the house prepared to pay for ones own Ice cream.

Op, dump the lot of them and find yourself a boyfriend who wants you to be treated as an ice cream equal.

They sound like a bunch of children with pocket money as their only source of income.

There appear to be two types of people on this thread, and presumably in life, those who think it’s mean, thoughtless and ungenerous to make someone feel bad by excluding them from something (yes, even something as seemingly insignificant as buying ice creams), and those who swan through life thinking only about themselves and seeing only their own perspective however petty, unkind and mean spirited that makes them behave towards others.

@MissedItByThisMuch

And you showed a complete lack of insight/imagination/perspective and empathy with this whole part.

2 types of people in life, there's loads!!

You don't know anything about empathy or perspective if you can only see one side, and you think only 2 types of people exist. You're assigning meaning and character attributes to posters based on a single thread just because you think your perspective is right!

You're coming across as one of those really rude people who lectures others on manners.

I don't think debating about how a person feels when they felt excluded in the group is really worth debating. The op feels upset and that's all that matters and she has to make a decision if she wants to spend her time with him and his family.

Because there is a lot to be said to make an op put things in perspective and that might well involve a bit of pretty harmless banter and piss taking!

What if her boyfriends sister and her boyfriend don't like her or have an opinion about her. Would good would your nonsense do to help her if that's the case. Banter will make her feel worse and she sticks with him or she sees another perspective that it may have been deliberate and she finds someone else. You have to watch out for small signs when others are being passive aggressive towards you.

So? I’m not sure of your point

are you saying that if the sister doesn’t like the op… then she should be upset and worried?

It could be the case it's very odd to leave out one person without saying something. It doesn't look good on them and her boyfriend is oblivious to it.

No. You don't care.

The OP is upset because of the petty way her boyfriend and this other bloke have treated her.
Not unreasonable.

Indeed that could be the case

But even the worst case scenario is to not get even as fraction as upset as the OP is.

hence nothing wrong with a bit of piss taking to hopefully assist with getting some perspective!

Or spitefulness. Depending on your viewpoint.

Can't be doing with 'bantz'

Do you have children or none yet?

I've only read the OP's posts, here and on the previous thread.

In my opinion, you are not unreasonable for thinking wtf - why has sister's boyfriend bought an ice cream for everyone but me?

And you are not unreasonable for thinking that your boyfriend should have said - hang on, why have you bought an ice cream for everyone except @Redrose28 ?

I know an ice cream is (literally) a small thing, but surely you want your boyfriend to stand up for you for both the little and the big things in life?

If this is a one-off, OP, and he is normally a lovely and loving boyfriend who has your back - then let this go. But if he does not support you generally - well, why would you want to be with him?

Wishing you lots of luck, OP, as I know this is not an easy decision

I cannot believe this thread is still going 😂

End the relationship because you are pissed off about something? Really? I can be pissednoff for ages. I hope it is not a leaveable offence.