Update- My boyfriends family member paid for everyone’s ice cream, AIBU for being upset that bf didn’t say anything

[Redrose28]

Hi all, I recently made a post about an outing with my boyfriend, his sister and her boyfriend, where we all got ice creams and the sisters boyfriend paid for everyone except mine.

I bought it up with my boyfriend calmly. He told me that what happened was: I offered to pay for my boyfriend, and the sisters boyfriend offered a few seconds later as he hadn’t heard me. For some reason, my boyfriend thought I wouldn’t want him to pay for me so didn’t suggest paying for me, and instead accepted the sisters boyfriends suggestion of paying. My boyfriend then defended the sisters boyfriend, saying that he didn’t consider it rude towards me, the sisters boyfriend wanted to pay him back for things my boyfriend has done for him.

That’s quite confusing but hope it makes some sense!

So my boyfriend essentially thought the situation was not rude in any way. I can see his point of view, at the same time not feeling that he understands my point of view in any way doesn’t feel great.

Am I being unreasonable here?

It makes sense to me. Listen carefully peoples:

1. The boyfriend's sister's boyfriend owed the boyfriend so bought the boyfriend an ice cream.
2. The boyfriend's sister's boyfriend bought his girlfriend an icecream because boyfriend's like to buy their girlfriend's ice cream.
3. However OP's boyfriend is a feminist and thought that his girlfriend would consider it demeaning for her boyfriend to offer to buy her an ice cream when she is an independent woman with means of her own. 4)Everybody got bought an ice cream except OP.

Stupidy Stupidy Stupidy here.

There was a bit of a misunderstanding, slight awkwardness, BF can understand what happened and doesn't seem to think it's that big of a deal probably because it's just one bloody ice cream. Two threads later and a lot of obsessing OP has made her point and he has made his. It is not that important! Trying to twist this into some kind of major character flaw on his part is just silly. Maybe she should LTB?

You see some gut wrenching posts on MN at times but this is not one of them.

Yes at the end of the day it is JUST about an ice cream

You have 2 choices here OP:

Write it off as a misunderstanding, he wasn't thinking straight, etc and move on with your life and enjoy your relationship.

Or

Decide you aren't really happy in the relationship and this is a 'tip of the iceberg' situation, and leave.

Lord save us. 😱

Here, have this one:

Would it help if I bought you an ice-cream?

Is this a pattern or isolated incidence?

Do you count pennies like Ebenezer Scrooge is that why you wouldn't pay for the others. What a mean spirited way to conduct your life.

The fact you’ve started two threads about this suggests that your boyfriend is simply not the man for you.

You’re young. You can move on and find someone who won’t leave you to buy your own ice cream.

YABU

OP there was nothing to defend or nothing to stick up for you for.
No one did anything bad to you.

Jesus. If this is the biggest problem in your life you are very lucky!

How petty and irrelevant.

@MissedItByThisMuch

Of course it’s not just an ice cream. Are you really all that stupid? It’s an indicator of an attitude that it’s fine to be selfish and ungenerous, to exclude someone, to not consider the feelings of the person you are supposed to care about.

Are you stupid?
It really doesn't sound that deep.
OP's attitude says more about her than any of the other people involved in the situation, at the very least she seems very sensitive.

If you genuinely think someone buying an ice cream - or anything - for 3 out of 4 people in a group and leaving the other one to get their own is simply about the price of an ice cream you lack imagination, insight and empathy to an astounding degree.

Where's your imagination, insight and empathy for the other people in the group?
Perhaps if you could direct some towards them you might be able to see other perspectives, instead of being fixated on just the one perspective?

Wow, your life must be pretty plain sailing if this is what bothers you!

😂😂❤❤❤

Here here!

It sounds like a petty misunderstanding. I would let it go, unless there is something else going on in your relationship.

While you were queuing, he should have said to him, I owe you some money and given it to your bf.
To buy icecreams for all bar one is deliberately excluding you and rude.
Your bf should have acknowledged this i.e. "mate, you tight arse, you didn't get Redrose one" and could have appoligised or given you his, shared his or offered to buy you one.

It sounds like all these people don't think beyond themselves and you need to decide if you want to he with someone like this.

Give it to me

There appear to be two types of people on this thread, and presumably in life, those who think it’s mean, thoughtless and ungenerous to make someone feel bad by excluding them from something (yes, even something as seemingly insignificant as buying ice creams), and those who swan through life thinking only about themselves and seeing only their own perspective however petty, unkind and mean spirited that makes them behave towards others.

@MumGMT why do I need to direct insight and empathy to the others in the group? What “injury” has been done to them? If the sister’s bf couldn’t afford an ice cream for the OP he should have just bought his and his girlfriend’s.

Sure this isn’t an earth-shattering issue as quite a few people have nastily pointed out to OP, but this is a chat site ffs. People are allowed to post about minor things in their life that they’re just a little concerned about.

I’m not sure there are only two types in this thread.

I’m in the ‘two threads about buying ice cream; this is just not the relationship for you’ camp.

I’m not sure I care much about the ethical dilemma here at all. But if someone is this upset about something like this, then I think it’s a sign that the relationship isn’t right for them.

The OP is early 20s. Deciding to end a relationship because you are bothered because your boyfriend leaves you to pay for your own ice cream and then tries to convince you he’s more feminist than you is fine.

You didn’t really need defending? The explanation your boyfriend gave was clear. Was a bit odd of sisters boyfriend but no big deal and not meant maliciously. Let it go.

If you wanted someone to buy you an ice cream your boyfriend should have bought his own and for you too.

what kind if guy needs another guy to buy him an ice cream and lets his gf sort herself out lol

seriously,are you all 14?

👋todays internet winner 🏆

Is it bothering you because he has form for this type of behaviour?

If it's only this one incident and you otherwise feel secure and loved in your relationship then I would let this one incident go.

I totally understand why this is bothering you. You're meant to be a team and on this occasion you weren't, it's nothing to do with feminism and more to do with love and security

It does sound like an awkward situation, but it’s an extreme response to feel that your boyfriend didn’t ‘defend’ you. Defend you against what?

It is possible for things to be less than ideal and it not be the end of the world. Seems like you’ve gone 0-60 quickly.

Do you find yourself this bothered by pretty trivial things often? It’s odd that the sister’s boyfriend did this, I agree, but if you let things like this bother you this much, you’re going to be upset a lot throughout your life.

Why would he think that, you wouldn't want to have an icecream bought for you. That's kinda worse, he actually thought it better to buy your own. It's worse because they had a discussion about buying icecream, it wasn't an awkward suprise. He just thought yeah he owes me annicecre, my girlfriend can buy her own! I understand that the sisters boyfriend wanted to buy him one, because he owed him one, but you don't leave out one person. Think this update makes it worse.