Even dh doesn’t care about the risk

[Themstherules]

Hi

I absolutely hate to be that parent but I feel very upset about this.

As is the same every year people share pictures and videos on social media of school events and these inevitably contain other children. It’s done on WhatsApp, snap chat, insta and FB. People think that their socials are private especially Watsapp and snap chat but let’s be honest non of these are secure.

We are told before each event that photo and videos are allowed but must be kept private.

Yesterday someone shared a whole class photo of dc I’m uniform. I reported it and I messaged the school parent group to ask for it to be taken down. The sharer did then remove it.

I feel totally embarrassed but I ended up sharing on the group page why I was asking for this. I said I’m sorry to be a pain but xyz is why I would like it removed. The reasons are very personal and non of the school parent would be aware but I felt it necessary to share my reasons so I didn’t look neurotic and so it really brought it home to people who keep doing this.

I spoke to dh about it last night and although he didn’t say it I get the impression he thinks I’m over the top and being risk averse. He wouldn’t have bothered if it was him who saw it.

I now feel upset that I shared my Children’s personal life story with the school parents, obviously I didn’t go into all the details I just simply stated why. And I feel like maybe I am being that neurotic parent. No one responded to what I said and I now feel judged.

Aibu? Should I apologise to the group? Should I have left the picture up?

Consent I have not given. So why would you assume its ok to share?
Thats the very definition of consent, you ask permission. Which can be declined.
Its not an assumption of yes.

I understand where you are coming from, it is a very difficult set of circumstances you have. I have recorded my daughter´s performance at end of school term but I wouldn´t post it on social media as it includes other kids. I think it is basic manners. My social media isn´t public anyway, but the point stands.

Because they wouldn't have been posing in a pic that the school has shared.

I wouldn't share ones that catch other children randomly in the background.

If the school has shared it clearly you have given consent

In that instance though it may be someone local that is a danger to the DC. Displaying the picture in your home or showing the picture to your friends or family could put this child at risk. Better to take pictures of your DC at home before events or ask teachers if they will take a picture of your DC alone.

it wasnt shared by the school

I think @Willyoujustbequiet is fair enough if it is a picture school has taken and shared but not for a photo taken by a random parent.

(And that would include if a parent took a photo of the printed official class photo)

This is such a shitty opinion.

Why does your desire to post your kids face on the internet (which by the way, no one else really cares about) more important than other children’s safety? Are you aware of what people do with children’s pictures they see online? How they use them? You have no NEED to share other children’s photos. If you want to post your child all over the internet that’s between you and your child, but you have zero right to post any other children.

It’s bonkers to me that anyone can argue that children must hide themselves because other parents can’t help themselves from posting photos online

Because they wouldn't have been posing in a pic that the school has shared.

But the OP is talking about a photo a school had taken & shared...

I personally don’t agree with parents putting their own children on social media as they haven’t consented. They aren’t props.

Anyway YANBU!

Sorry. Haven't RTFT. Were your children named?
Was this published somewhere?

Yanbu every time there is a school event our school says don’t share pics with other peoples children in them became there are children in the school with real safeguarding concerns and every single time I see pic posted with other children in the background! It’s not that hard to obscure other children’s faces if you really have to share the pic in sm. I would always obscure random children in pics even if it’s in the park etc

To those who have an iPhone and just have to take pictures of their children in settings where other children are present, please can I suggest portrait mode. It blurs the background so your little darling will be the full focus of the photo.

If the school has put a particular photo on Facebook then presumably they have checked all the children have consent and it would be fine to share on your own Facebook page.

However , if the school shared the picture in a newsletter or parent email or something like that, then you shouldn’t put it on social media.

Some children have permission for internal photos (newsletters, notice boards etc) but not for external
publication to Facebook etc. (Thus is what I do for my children).

Unless your child is being targeted or is at risk from someone I don't see an issue with a class photo which includes them being swapped around groups of parents and family of those parents who also have children in that class

My response was in relation to what happens at my school.

If you’d read even the OP’s updates (there’s a handy button you can click to see the OP’s posts) you’d see that the child is at risk.

ok thanks

Yes exactly. Consent must have been obtained already.

We don't have internal type group stuff so if kids are in the pic I think it's fair game. Perhaps it's an age thing. Mine are middle school and high.

You were absolutely right. Yours is the exact reason these rules exist. Selfish fuckers. Your headmaster/headmistress needs to make this clear before, at and after every event to educate these numbskulls. Our school did official photos & videos instead.

Parents will gossip, so surely sharing the specific and identifying reason why your child should not appear in photos has increased any perceived risk much more than them being in photos in the first place would?

Funny how @PeachesOnTheBeaches was all over policies and procedures when there was a possibility of a teenager making a couple of extra pounds rounding up supermarket trolleys.
(On the thread about who's is the pound in a supermarket trolley)
But can't abide a simple policy when it comes to the safety of a child.
Sounds pretty selfish and heartless to me.

I saw that. @PeachesOnTheBeaches was arguing with other posters. Seems they like an argument.

How does one prevent an autonomous person taking a whole class photo that includes your child?

Unless you are even more confrontational and demand in person that the person delete a photo that they may haven't even intended to post publicly, you have no control over that.

What you do have limited control over is reporting posts on social media.

I'm not seeing the problem unless you think the father is stalking the children in which case you should call the police. If he knows where you live isn't that the issue?