To think £45 for a friend’s birthday lunch is a bit much?

[squalifalia]

Friend invited us to her birthday lunch. We live about 90 minutes away. She is probably the only ‘influencer’ I know in real life.

I asked her what the birthday party was, and she just said lunch at 2pm. I didn’t think much more about it, and said we’d come. I assumed it’d be lunch in a pub.

Turns out she had hired a marquee at a posh pub. I got sent the menu to pre-order from. It’s three courses and £45 without drinks. I’ve been to the pub before and it was shite and a pint was over £7. So if I split a bottle of wine or get a glass with a friend, I’ll be looking near £60. Plus I have to pay for my transport there.

Had you posted this in Chat you would have got an entirely different response.
This is AIBU any views expressed on here are not necessarily those of the people posting them.

You sound like a downer of a friend

Average? Who's idea of average is this? If you feel you can't afford this, just gracefully decline suggesting you have another engagement on the day. Why publicise this? You may lose a rather thoughtless friend. Maybe her other friends are more well to do. Disparities of income do rather divide people.

£45 for one persons lunch in a pub is ridiculous.

All of you saying otherwise must have money to burn.

Despite posters to the contrary, if I'm inviting people to a fancy lunch I expect to pay for them. If someone invites me out for my birthday, I'd assume they were going to cover my meal. The problem is a lack of clarity as to who is paying for this. If I'd said "I'd love to meet up for a pub lunch for my birthday - would people be okay to pay their own way?" Then I'd expect to pay. Having a marquee and a set menu would imply to me that they'd be paying as it would for a wedding or a funeral. And I've been to some pretty nice "pubs" for birthdays and been in a marquee. I've also just had an invite to a birthday where it states food and drink but then says cash bar so you know you have to pay for additional drinks.

Assuming it is not already happened, find a reason to politely decline now, not at the last minute.

How on earth do you deduce there’s lack of clarity, the person inviting literally sent a menu with the price on, that’s the point of the OP 🤣

If you weren’t expecting the guests to pay for their own meal you wouldn’t include the price, would you?

In my circle we meet for a meal for someone's Birthday we all pay for ourselves.

Invite to a house party the guest does food and then everyone brings what they want to drink. A venue good is provided and then people ho to the bar.

I'd rather have a decent portion of a nice quiche plus a good home-made salad and dressing plus strawberries, cream and a lemon shortbread biscuit as pudding. All made at home would be no more than £7pp bring your own drinks but I'd provide 1 glass of champagne each. £45 fit bought in microwaved food. No sireee.

• for, not fit.

Not really relevant if the birthday person doesn’t have the space to host everyone.

I agree it’s a lot but prices like that aren’t unusual where I live.

IMO you ABU to be moaning about it - it’s what she wants to do for her birthday and she’s asked if you want to be there, if you do, go and be graceful about it and if you don’t want to, can’t afford it or can’t ne nice about her chive then just decline the invitation and maybe arrange to meet up for a coffee somewhere more to your liking on a day close to her birthday. Simples.

When someone HOSTS a birthday lunch I don't expect to pay for their supposed largesse.
£45 is potty, ludicrous.
When you throw a party you bear the cost and no matter where I have lived or my circumstances at any one time, I have never ever heard of anything like it in my life.

I don't understand the dilemma. The friend is inviting lots of friends to her birthday meal knowing that it is a choice and some people will decline. If she hadn't invited OP and OP saw on social media that this event had taken place then OP would might have been upset.

So you were invited but have the option to say no thank you.

Are you sure you are expected to pay?

If I hosted a birthday lunch it would be my shout.

I think the friend is not HOSTING the lunch she is asking people if they want join her for lunch and pay for their own meal. This is normal in my life. To be fair though we don't add a marquee we just go to a restaurant.

If people are hosting a party they provide the food.

That’s how I see it too.

Hosting a party - host pays.

Asking friends to join you for lunch/drinks/a night out - each individual pays for themselves though most times the birthday girl buys the first round

Not at all. It just means that if you're not paying you say something like this:

"I'm thinking of having a birthday lunch at X pub/restaurant, on Y date. Is anyone else up for it?"

If you're hosting (and paying), you'd send an invitation like this:

"I'm having a birthday bash at X pub/restaurant on Y date and I would love you to attend, please could you RSVP."

Both are fine, I do both. It's silly to say that it means you can't have an event - just don't pretend you're hosting it. If it makes life easier, mention menus and sending them out so people can see prices. Your friends really won't mind a bit.

You don't have to have wine. You also don't have to go! I don't think £45 for three courses but if the food isn't good and you don't consider her a close friend then I'd leave it.

2 things I hate with shared meals: one is friends deciding to have birthdays in expensive restaurants and expect everyone to pay to help them celebrate (they may pay for the wine), second is when the bill arrives they split it between everyone and so I've ended up paying twice the amount compared to what I've ordered before.

No thanks, another appointment, happy birthday and apologies can't come. Here's a card. Have a nice time. Bye.