Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £45 for a friend’s birthday lunch is a bit much?

173 replies

squalifalia · 11/07/2023 16:26

Friend invited us to her birthday lunch. We live about 90 minutes away. She is probably the only ‘influencer’ I know in real life.

I asked her what the birthday party was, and she just said lunch at 2pm. I didn’t think much more about it, and said we’d come. I assumed it’d be lunch in a pub.

Turns out she had hired a marquee at a posh pub. I got sent the menu to pre-order from. It’s three courses and £45 without drinks. I’ve been to the pub before and it was shite and a pint was over £7. So if I split a bottle of wine or get a glass with a friend, I’ll be looking near £60. Plus I have to pay for my transport there.

OP posts:
Justaddalittlespice · 11/07/2023 18:47

It depends if the friend is gonna make thousands of the event through social media and expecting you to be on camera all day and posing for photos then I absolutely wouldn't go and pay for my own food and drink and would actually want to be paid for the event however if its just a friend inviting a few friends out for lunch it really depends on how good a friend they are and if I could afford it

JudgeRudy · 11/07/2023 18:48

I think the answer is simple. Say you're not going

uncomfortablydumb53 · 11/07/2023 18:53

Depends on how close you are to the friend and if you think it's worth it to join in with what seems like an OTT event rather than a birthday lunch!
One positive is that she has given you the menu and time to think
Personally I wouldn't, but that's me

huntingcunting · 11/07/2023 18:53

If you don't want to go and/or can't afford it. Don't go.
It isn't that expensive for a 3 course meal if it's a decent place but for me personally, it would be too expensive with my current financial situation so I wouldn't go.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/07/2023 19:01

I either wouldn't go, or I'd eat first and just join after for a drink if for some reason you want to go eg to see mutual friends.
Eating and drinking out is so expensive these days all my locals are like Ibiza prices since I've started socializing a bit post having a baby

Oldnamechangeyetagain · 11/07/2023 19:04

yipeeyiyay · 11/07/2023 17:19

She wants you all to pay to create images of fabulousness for her social media. Haaahaaaa. Yeah no thanks. I'd want her to pay me thanks.

Yup, she's been sussed.

Just tell her it's too expensive you won't be going.

WildUnchartedWaters · 11/07/2023 19:13

Keykat · 11/07/2023 18:43

"Influencers" (advertisers for freebies) do exist, but they exist because many gullible people listen to them.

What is your job Sarah? I'm an influencer. What does that entail Sarah? Oh you know, going out there, approaching companies, picking a few faves, showing them online and getting easy to persuade people to use/buy them. I get paid, and I get free this and that for it, it's great. Ah, ok.

But look, it's a job fair enough. Must be much cheaper to have an "influencer" than pay for mainstream media advertising. And I get that a lot of people who will be "influenced" don't watch mainstream media or read newspapers anymore.

Be interesting to see if Birthday Girl has to pay for her lunch.

Show quote history

I follow many influencers on tiktok. Most of them are perfectly normal human beings with families. You are imagining a Molly Mae esque spectacle. It's not alwyas that.

If Op had posted ahout it being her sister or her aunties or her best friend who's a plumber the responses would be different. The snobbery here is ridiculous.

ThePoshUns · 11/07/2023 19:20

I'd pay £45 for a nice lunch in a nice setting. If you don't want to go, don't. Doesn't sound like you like her much anyway.

fancreek · 11/07/2023 19:25

Is she actually an influencer (as in that's her job) or are you using it as an insult because she's on social media a lot?

FWIW no, £45 isn't a lot for a birthday meal. But if it is to you or you don't want to go then don't. But don't slag her off for it

FernsInTheFire · 11/07/2023 19:39

I’m happy to pay for good food, but actually I do think £45 is quite a bit more than I’d want to pay for a pub set menu. It’s roughly what I’d pay to go to one of my favourite gastro pubs and order exactly what I liked off the menu. And not have to be in a marquee!

You just have to weigh up whether it’s worth it for you. I have a friend who always goes somewhere hours away requiring an overnight stay for her birthday. I said no last time as it was going to be hundreds of pounds to stay in a very mediocre place. I treated her to dinner out instead.

topnoddy · 11/07/2023 19:43

"Thanks but no thanks , been to that pub before and thought it overpriced and shite to boot !"

unicornhair · 11/07/2023 20:05

I would pay that much, but as the OP said she went before and it wasn’t nice.
how many of you would pay £45 & drinks for not nice food?

latetothefisting · 11/07/2023 20:09

the reason for the party and how she makes a living are completely irrelevant - if you want to and can afford to go, go. If you don't/can't, refuse. Exactly the same as you would for any other event or invite from a friend with any other occupation.

She's chosen to go somewhere she likes the look of, and presumably as it's a special occasion wants to go somewhere a bit nicer than the local spoons - completely normal thing to do. She's invited her friends to celebrate with her - again normal. Presumably you'd be insulted if she hadn't invited you on the basis she thinks you're too poor to afford it, or wouldn't fit in somewhere mildly fancy - poor woman is between a rock and a hard place!

shivawn · 11/07/2023 20:44

I don't think it's really expensive for a 3 course meal, I wouldn't begrudge paying that for a friend's birthday meal. If it's a lot to you or you don't want to go then don't, it's an invitation not a summons. It sounds like you're not good friends anyway.

orangeyeahthatsright · 11/07/2023 21:20

Always so much stealth boasting on this type of thread, and so much missing the point.

OP I wouldn't go. It sounds like you'll be paying for the 'privilege' of watching her orbit around her own Insta-perfect axis. That's not in the spirit of a birthday celebration imo.

mrsm43s · 11/07/2023 22:05

I'm currently looking for somewhere in my location to do a celebration meal, and for 3 courses (food only), £45 is lower end of the scale. Add on £15 a head for half a bottle of wine. As it happens, for my celebration, I'll be picking up the tab for all, but that's because we're older, and frankly, wealthy with good incomes, paid off mortgage, school fees ended, pensions fully paid up (defined pension ones at that), so chucking a few £k at a party for a milestone celebration is very affordable to us. I don't think paying if you invite out for a meal kicked in for our social group until we'd reached a level of financial stability which didn't come til we were well established in our careers. Certainly not as students or young adults. Basically, not until we could comfortably afford to do so.

So basically, I guess I'm saying £45 for 3 courses is not unreasonable, and unless your friend is very financially secure, it's reasonable to expect to pay your own way. If you don't want to go, decline the invitation.

BHRK · 11/07/2023 22:07

The price sounds fine to me

Viviennemary · 11/07/2023 22:11

latetothefisting · 11/07/2023 20:09

the reason for the party and how she makes a living are completely irrelevant - if you want to and can afford to go, go. If you don't/can't, refuse. Exactly the same as you would for any other event or invite from a friend with any other occupation.

She's chosen to go somewhere she likes the look of, and presumably as it's a special occasion wants to go somewhere a bit nicer than the local spoons - completely normal thing to do. She's invited her friends to celebrate with her - again normal. Presumably you'd be insulted if she hadn't invited you on the basis she thinks you're too poor to afford it, or wouldn't fit in somewhere mildly fancy - poor woman is between a rock and a hard place!

I don't think her influencer business is irrelevant. Why should OP subsidise this go getter. I wouldn't.

HauntedPencil · 11/07/2023 22:13

It's reasonable for food but you don't have to go - if it's a lot for you, just say no.

JazzyBBG · 11/07/2023 22:15

I'd suspect she's promoting it and getting her meal free. #ad

VWFF · 11/07/2023 22:41

orangeyeahthatsright · 11/07/2023 21:20

Always so much stealth boasting on this type of thread, and so much missing the point.

OP I wouldn't go. It sounds like you'll be paying for the 'privilege' of watching her orbit around her own Insta-perfect axis. That's not in the spirit of a birthday celebration imo.

Who is stealth boasting? I'm not rich but the price is OK for a decent pub/restaurant. So for a special occasion I would go. If OP doesn't want to though that is perfectly fine and her friend is only inviting her.

VWFF · 11/07/2023 22:46

mrsm43s · 11/07/2023 22:05

I'm currently looking for somewhere in my location to do a celebration meal, and for 3 courses (food only), £45 is lower end of the scale. Add on £15 a head for half a bottle of wine. As it happens, for my celebration, I'll be picking up the tab for all, but that's because we're older, and frankly, wealthy with good incomes, paid off mortgage, school fees ended, pensions fully paid up (defined pension ones at that), so chucking a few £k at a party for a milestone celebration is very affordable to us. I don't think paying if you invite out for a meal kicked in for our social group until we'd reached a level of financial stability which didn't come til we were well established in our careers. Certainly not as students or young adults. Basically, not until we could comfortably afford to do so.

So basically, I guess I'm saying £45 for 3 courses is not unreasonable, and unless your friend is very financially secure, it's reasonable to expect to pay your own way. If you don't want to go, decline the invitation.

I'm sure you've worked very hard for this but this may be the normal in your circle but not for a lot of people.

orangeyeahthatsright · 11/07/2023 22:54

Who is stealth boasting?

Everyone who's saying it 'sounds reasonable' or that 'personally it wouldn't be a problem for them'. Because they're viewing it in terms of whether £45 is good value rather than whether a person can actually manage £45 in the first place. Which implies it wouldn't even occur to them to think it would be outside the budget of many atm, given the cost of living crisis. It just feels oblivious, and yes, stealth-boasty in places.

VWFF · 11/07/2023 23:04

orangeyeahthatsright · 11/07/2023 22:54

Who is stealth boasting?

Everyone who's saying it 'sounds reasonable' or that 'personally it wouldn't be a problem for them'. Because they're viewing it in terms of whether £45 is good value rather than whether a person can actually manage £45 in the first place. Which implies it wouldn't even occur to them to think it would be outside the budget of many atm, given the cost of living crisis. It just feels oblivious, and yes, stealth-boasty in places.

I've been a young Mum and been poor but everyone on Mumsnet are at different stages in their life.
My DSD was saying a night out costs a lot of money but she does it so I was just thinking that If OP really wanted to go then it's not that expensive (they probably would not go out after) but it's totally fine to say no.

mrsm43s · 11/07/2023 23:15

VWFF · 11/07/2023 22:46

I'm sure you've worked very hard for this but this may be the normal in your circle but not for a lot of people.

Show quote history

Paying for everyone? As I said, not normal until financial security has been reached (harder to do now 'cos cost of childcare/student loans/house prices/lack of defined benefit pensions). My friends at our age - probably yes, reasonably normal, but that's due to our age (and the benefits that has incurred), educational status, career progression, less financial responsibilities etc. My student/young adult children certainly don't pay for all their friends on a birthday night out, because they don't have the financial means (yet, hopefully) to do so.

£45 for a 3 course meal - in my geographical area (SE, not London) absolutely normal. There isn't separate pricing depending on which "circle" you're in!