To think £45 for a friend’s birthday lunch is a bit much?

[squalifalia]

Friend invited us to her birthday lunch. We live about 90 minutes away. She is probably the only ‘influencer’ I know in real life.

I asked her what the birthday party was, and she just said lunch at 2pm. I didn’t think much more about it, and said we’d come. I assumed it’d be lunch in a pub.

Turns out she had hired a marquee at a posh pub. I got sent the menu to pre-order from. It’s three courses and £45 without drinks. I’ve been to the pub before and it was shite and a pint was over £7. So if I split a bottle of wine or get a glass with a friend, I’ll be looking near £60. Plus I have to pay for my transport there.

Where the fuck is it 5.99 for cavery ? seriously??
regardless if she is an "influnecer" or not (I dunno what that has even got to do with it) she thinks of you as a friend and has invited you for lunch to celebrate her birthday. 45 is not bad for three course - how do you know its crap by the way, have you eaten there a few times ? I paid 40e for 2 course and one glass of wine there the other day for an OK lunch but I was with friends and we hadn't seen in ages. it was a great catch up. if you like this friend go. if you don't like her and don't want to go then don't go.

Genuinely curious - why wouldn't you pay that for lunch? Would you pay that for dinner? What's the difference?

At least you know in advance. If you don't want to go, don't go.

FWIW I've been for a pub lunch today. Most people had 2 courses, no one was drinking. The bill was £30 each, so less but not "special". These things have gone up a lot....

Weird - why wouldn't you pay for your own meal? I've never invited anyone out for a meal for my birthday and paid for it, and vice versa.

Some people go to posh restaurants and pay £300 on an ordinary week night. If that's not your budget, you don't go.

Pp's suggestion of meeting at the end for drinks, or just dessert sounds like a good idea.

I hate that word Influencer. No one influences me to do anything I don't want to do! Anyway it's just another word for advertiser and freeloader IMO. Bet she doesn't pay for her lunch and in return promotes the place on her insta or something.

Nope I would not go, because I can't stand wannabes. A bloody marquee! I thought they were for weddings.

What’s the relevance of her being an influencer? Surely that’s just her job, and this is a separate private lunch, or are you worried she’ll be photographing everything and sharing it with her followers? £45 for a 3 course meal for a friend’s birthday doesn’t sound bad to me

I had something similar happen to me but it was 14 years ago and £50 before drinks and travel. I just declined politely

£45 is what you pay for the savoy for a set lunch.

Set lunches often have minimal choice plus I assume there will be tons of drink ordered and bilks split.

I'd just politely decline if you don't think it's worth the money

I mean it’s on the expensive side but it’s not crazy for a special occasion. It comes across like toy don’t even like her so why would you spend her birthday with her?

I think it sounds quite nice, and I don't think that's very expensive for a decent 3 course lunch. I paid £8 for a takeaway jacket potato in a cardboard box from the work canteen today.

You've said it's not a good place though, so you decline the invitation.

That's not expensive these days for a meal.

We’ve got a couple of £6.99 carveries in the Black Country.

Fantastic value, as the word is, you don’t have to do any food shopping for the next week as the whole family will be down with the shits and unable to eat a thing.

I'm sure she wouldn't have invited you if she'd realised you don't think much of her and resent the thought of her birthday lunch. Do her a favour and don't go.

The cost of eating out has gone up steeply in the last year, so that sounds about right for a gastro pub.
If you can afford it and want to celebrate your friends birthday then go, if you can’t afford it or can’t be arsed, don’t go - it really is that simple.

Meh, don't go.

It sounds the going rate for lunch in a pub these days (you don't get much change from £10 when popping to Starbucks or McDonalds these days)

It does sound like kind of party where you should pay for everyone if inviting them, more than a few friends going out together and each paying their way. Stuff the marquee and the overpriced beer and stay at home. People are going to have to start to say no to things now the price of everything is going up. We're not in immediate post civid times where we all get excited to be allowed into a pub.

Well here we are on planet mumsnet where £45 for lunch without drinks is 'reasonable'. No it isn't. It's expensive and a lot to ask of your friends unless you're really confident they're all very wealthy and can afford it.

It's a set meal so OP can't just go for the main meal. I would just give it a miss you don't sound happy about the event!

Another one making things up.

Influencers do exist and are allowed friends.

I don’t think that £45 for three courses is too bad/out of line given how prices have risen recently. A meal deal in a supermarket can be over a fiver now. You’ve got the details in advance so it’s not being sprung on you. And you’d always have to pay for transport regardless of where it was presumably? If you don’t think that pub is worth the cost then that’s fair but not really your friends fault (you may have gone on a bad day, she could love it there etc).

I also disagree with the idea that you have to pay for everything if you invite people out, pretty much implies that the vast majority of the population can never do anything social for their birthday as I don’t know anyone who could afford to cover that many meals/drinks (guess it’s all the people here on six figure salaries…).

I agree with the others who have commented that you included the influencer comment as you knew it would give people the chance to project/immediately take your side. If you actually do value her as a friend then just text her and let her know that you’ve accidentally double booked and you’re afraid you can’t come but you’d love to meet for a drink/coffee another time. If you don’t actually like her all that much then leave off the drink/coffee suggestion.

Sounds good to me. Don't go if it's too much.

It could be cheaper - but she told you up front. If you don't want to pay that price then decline.

What she does for a living is totally irrelevant.

"Influencers" (advertisers for freebies) do exist, but they exist because many gullible people listen to them.

What is your job Sarah? I'm an influencer. What does that entail Sarah? Oh you know, going out there, approaching companies, picking a few faves, showing them online and getting easy to persuade people to use/buy them. I get paid, and I get free this and that for it, it's great. Ah, ok.

But look, it's a job fair enough. Must be much cheaper to have an "influencer" than pay for mainstream media advertising. And I get that a lot of people who will be "influenced" don't watch mainstream media or read newspapers anymore.

Be interesting to see if Birthday Girl has to pay for her lunch.

If it's something you don't do often then why not just go and enjoy yourself? 🤷🏽‍♀️ it's a day out friends and memories made.

If it's too much, just say you're busy in the afternoon but can join them for a few drinks later.