Sleeping in the living room so toddler can have the bedroom

[Ezris]

Hi,
I’m a single parent to a just turned 2 year old boy. I was living with my Mum when I fell pregnant and was helped by my council with the deposit to rent a one bedroom house. They placed me on the housing register so I bid every week for a 2 bedroom. In my area to privately rent a 2 bedroom is around £1,400 - £1,600 which I can’t afford right now.

Me and baby have always shared the bedroom. We have a small living room with a sofa, tv and his toys and a kitchen with cupboard space for the hoover, shoes, some Xmas decs. I’m super organised so it’s worked out fine but now he’s getting bigger I’m thinking of sleeping downstairs and giving him his own bedroom to himself. I’d sell the sofa and my bed and get a sofa bed. Move his toys upstairs and get a small dining room table for the living room so we can eat meals together. I’m also conscious of my living Situation because I’ll be starting him in Nursey soon and they mentioned doing “home visits” So I feel a little embarrassed if I’m honest.

Am I creating a lot of fuss for no reason? Would any one else bother at this age to do this?

Nursery doesn't have to do a home visit. It's just if you think it will help him settle in

Keep things as they are for now. Keep bidding on a 2 bed. Good luck

Also you can get really small toddler beds that don’t take up much room. Very cute too!

I'd stay in the same room for a couple of years, but ultimately yes, I'd see it as the only option as you will want the living room while he is in bed.

Tbh though, if you aren't reliant on something like your mum for childcare then I'd strongly consider moving to a cheaper area. You'd have a better quality of life.

I did that when I was a single mum and my daughter was a toddler, though I didn't have a sofa bed, I just had a mattress on the floor that I put up against the wall during the day. Some nights I moved the mattress in her room if she wanted me in the room with her but other nights I stayed in the lounge so I could get a better night's sleep.
Continued with this when moved to a bigger apartment but still only had one bedroom but there was room for a double bed plus sofa etc. in the lounge.

He's 2 not 12, just sleep in the same room. Nursery won't be inspecting his bedroom! You need a proper bed, sofa beds are for occasional use not every night. My 2 year old comes into our bed in the night anyway, he has his own bed/room and prefers to be close to us. Kids so small don't need a dedicated bedroom to themselves, they are too young to play unsupervised so all they'll be using it for is to sleep.

I shared with my oldest in 1 room till he was 3.

My youngest is 2 and we are still sharing too.

Both due to lack of space.

Its not unusual... a 2 year old does not need their own room.

There's nothing wrong with sharing a room. Just stay in the bedroom.

Nursery teacher here :)
please don’t worry about the home visit! The purpose of a home visit is for your child to meet us in a familiar setting so they are happy and comfortable. It’s a great opportunity to bring up any concerns and ask any questions you may have without anyone else around. The nursery staff won’t ask (not care) what your sleeping arrangements are.
having gone on hundreds of home visits, I can safely say they are judgement free and so valuable for the children, parents and staff. It’s the best way to start nursery and I always recommend them.
best of luck!

There’s no need to give him his own room yet. That can easily be years away. Friends of mine are in a studio flat with their five-year-old.
Never heard of nursery visits.

I lived in a one bedroom flat growing up and stayed in my parents room until I was 4! 😊

I’ve worked in childrens services four years as a children’s social worker. I’ve come across children of all ages sleeping in the same room with parents. Is it ideal for anyone involved? No - I’m sure you’d love your own space more than your little one probably anyway. But will it be seen as a safeguarding risk? I’d say not based on what you’ve written. People working with children and families understand the difficulties people are having at the moment trying to get suitable housing and will probably be very sympathetic to your situation. As long as your little one is happy and healthy and there’s no other risks at your property - ie electrical or gas faults/ no heating/ no water/severe leaks or mould/ house tidy enough to not have lots of trip hazards/ reasonable levels of cleanliness eg no pet faeces or rotten food left out were always my lines in the sand for everyone’s safety - then you’ll be just fine for a home visit. You do have the right to refuse a home visit as well, be this from a nursery, other early help professional, or a social worker, unless there’s been agreement for a safeguarding enquiry beforehand so you don’t have to comply with this visit if you’re not comfortable with it. Or you could let them come and just keep them downstairs if you’d rather.

This post makes me sad it's very ignorant bordering on racist. It is in a young child's best interest to room share, parents move children out to benefit themselves am not saying that's wrong but it's incorrect to say it's not in anyone's best interest.

A 2 year old doesn't 'need' their own room. DD shared with me until she was 4, when we were able to move to a bigger house and give her her own bedroom. It was fine. Also, the nursery staff won't be looking at your sleeping arrangements, so don't worry about that.

There can be advantages to both arrangements. No right answer.

It could work well to leave him in the bedroom alone, in terms of him getting used to sleeping alone (I know not everyone values this, but some do) and meaning you do t disturb him when going to bed/you can read and relax when in bed in your own space too.

Making a sofa bed each night is a bit if a pain, but some people prefer to do that to have their own space.

Lots of people giving advice have never lived in a one-bed with a child. Even if they’ve had their child in with them for many years, often the child has had their own room too. It makes a difference to how you feel about it.

In the end, there’s no right or wrong and it’s totally what you want. Don’t feel he must have his own room and you must move out,if you’re happy with how it is now. Likewise don’t t feel it’s wrong to sleep in the living room if that works better. It’s not wrong or right. Most people have their 2 year old in a room on their own, but many don’t. You choose. Lots and lots of people live in this scenario and often have 2 adults or even 2 adults and 2 kids and manage. You have what you can afford.

Just think abiut what works for you 2. Don’t worry about what’s ‘right’ or what others woukd do or feel judged. You’re doing a great job.

Is there room in your existing bedroom to put a divider up between his bed and yours? That way you start him off on the gentle process of having his own space to sleep in vs needing you be right next to you and within line of sight

that way you also get some privacy - albeit only a little

you could achieve this by putting a curtain across the room that can be pulled round his bed when he goes to sleep- decorate his corner with his bed with more child friendly items thst feel like his space and on a theme he’s chosen, then make your side more adulty. Try to get as much of his clothes and bedroom items onto his side, or store them on a landing as his “dressing room cupboard” if possible to give more bedroom space.

having the curtain - if it has a good liner, will mean you can have a soft light on when you go to bed .

obviously wouldn’t work if having a bf over 🤷🏼‍♀️😉. That’s where you just need a comfy roomy sofa 🤣

as others said don’t use a sofa bed for anywhere expect occasional use. They do neither task as well as individual furniture and are not designed in all the affordable cases for regular use. There are always compromises with either a crap bed cos the sofa is pretty good, or a hideous sofa cos the bed is ok. I have been trying for over 40 years to find the perfect sofa bed 🤣🤣

Or, if you can’t put curtain across , just found this
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/varhaug-room-divider-beige-30501072/

Don’t be embarrassed as long as your house is tidy then who cares. Times are tough right now. Plus my nursery do home visits but they aren’t compulsory so don’t worry x

i Don’t see how it’s racist, if people want to share a room that’s fine. As I said I’ve known kids of all ages share rooms and it work fine for a family. Just from the tone of the OP I get the impression the mum would love some more space of her own in this situation and it must be very hard living in a small space like that when you don’t want to be and want more space. Literally joined this to try and reassure the OP as I felt for her panicking about being visited like this 🙄

I think you have a few years yet before you need to change things
At 2 he wouldn't play on his own in his own room and wants to be near you anyway
IIRC,my DS3 shared with me until he was 5( school at 4)
By then you could well be in a 2 bed house

My 3 year and 1 year old share a bedroom. They both sleep in my bed 😅

My 3.5 year old has his own room but only goes in there for sleep and to fetch toys - he is not yet at the stage of playing on his own in his room. I think if you have him upstairs and you downstairs you will either constantly be running up the stairs, or he will bring his toys downstairs anyway. Leave it another couple of years?

Hopefully the nursery visits will be quite casual and about your little boy and not judging your space! I’ve never heard of nurseries visiting you at home (3 kids all in school now!)

My daughters nursery did home visits. Her to be form teacher came, stayed about 30 mins. She introduced herself had a chat with me and interacted with dd1 while she played. She's a summer baby so was v young starting at just turned three.

Their logic is they are more relaxed in their home environment. Happy and willing to show their teacher their favourite toys and maybe have a short story read to them or play a game.

So if all the toys are upstairs it will feel like a home inspection which isn't the point at all. The teacher just wants to gauge whether they will settle quickly.

2 is quite young still. I wouldn't be in a hurry to change the arrangements if it works for you both and everyone is sleeping. Also worth noting that sleep is Orem disrupted as molars come in, when they start school and are exhausted by it all for a bit and just general illnesses etc. I'd leave well enough alone

Don't worry. I was living in temp accommodation because of DV, sharing a bed when my child started nursery and school. I was very open about it and when they did reception visits, it was fine. I was on the housing list for 5 years, out of borough before returning back to my home city.

There are more people than you can imagine in a similar situation to yours. They've seen it all.

I share a bed with two year old and five year old. I have my own room and so does my eldest but we all end up in a massive floor bed situation in my youngest's room every night and we all sleep better for it. In Japan it's the norm to share a room until the child is quite old, 7 or 8 at least. So I'd definitely stay in the same room for now.