Sleeping in the living room so toddler can have the bedroom

[Ezris]

Hi,
I’m a single parent to a just turned 2 year old boy. I was living with my Mum when I fell pregnant and was helped by my council with the deposit to rent a one bedroom house. They placed me on the housing register so I bid every week for a 2 bedroom. In my area to privately rent a 2 bedroom is around £1,400 - £1,600 which I can’t afford right now.

Me and baby have always shared the bedroom. We have a small living room with a sofa, tv and his toys and a kitchen with cupboard space for the hoover, shoes, some Xmas decs. I’m super organised so it’s worked out fine but now he’s getting bigger I’m thinking of sleeping downstairs and giving him his own bedroom to himself. I’d sell the sofa and my bed and get a sofa bed. Move his toys upstairs and get a small dining room table for the living room so we can eat meals together. I’m also conscious of my living Situation because I’ll be starting him in Nursey soon and they mentioned doing “home visits” So I feel a little embarrassed if I’m honest.

Am I creating a lot of fuss for no reason? Would any one else bother at this age to do this?

I'd wait until after your DC starts school. He's used to you being near him when he sleeps.

No way! He won’t even realise. My 8 year old still tries to sleep with us. (Declined). Don’t become a pandering parent and put yourself first at times. You need your own space more than he does

I know this sounds trite but there are plenty of cultures where whole families live in one room and it’s completely normal. So I don’t think one 2 year old is going to suffer sleeping with you for a bit longer. If you’re in this situation in a few years then yes I would do that so they could have friends over etc but that’s some way down the line.

My 7 year old sleeps in my bed and never uses his bedroom.

I would also leave it for a few more years.

No I wouldn't do it. He is still small enough to share with you. Toy storage in living room and bed for you in bedroom with cotbed for him. Sofa beds are not comfortable long term.

If there is room for a toddler bed or two single beds I would consider that as an option. I'd probably get rid of the sofa anyway as a sofa bed is a great thing to have and if that affords you space for a small dining table then I'd go for it.

Nursery visits are a way of talking to you about lo whilst they are settled in their own home and finding out a bit more about them. I appreciate visits might make them flag families that need a little more support but they aren't there to catch you out. As long as your home is a nice, tidy place and your child is happy and loved who cares if it is small? You are already doing your best putting his needs before your own. Don't be hard on yourself. x

School nursery visits are definitely not new. I've not taught for over 10yrs and our nursery did this and actually stopped when I was teaching, preferring the child comes and visits a few times before starting.
They are not judging, they are meeting uou and your child. As long as anything you decide is for the benefit of uour child then noone has the right to complain or judge.
Personally I'd keep it as it is at the moment and as pp have said revisit the situation in a couple of yrs , when hopefully you will have moved into a 2bed house x

I agree with others that you may be overestimating (a) how much your dc wants to sleep alone, and (b) how much he will play in his room, away from you. You've got a little while yet.

In a similar situation, I co slept with my dd till she was 10 (though she has additional needs, I would have stopped a bit earlier with a different child). She and her sister are nowteenagers and have a bedroom each. I sleep in the living room, but have created a little nook with a single bed shut off with folding screen.

No visiting teacher could or would judge you for your arrangement, which is totally age appropriate for your child. The only person missing out is you.

Don't do it out of shame. You could always refuse the home visit if it's that much of an issue.

When he's bigger, if you're still in a room together you could get one of those bunk beds with a double below and a single above it.

I would do whatever is best for your sanity.

So, if you're waking each other and your sleep is disturbed, you could try sleeping downstairs to see if that helps.

But if you're both happy with things as they are then I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 2yo sharing with their parents, and indeed I know of several who do despite having their own room.

He has somewhere safe, clean and comfortable to sleep so I can't imagine nursery would judge at all.

He needs to be near you when he sleeps and plays - I don’t think it would work.

Is there space for both of you? Do you have a double bed you could swap for a single?

I wouldn’t bother yet, my ds shared a room with me until he was nearly 5 when i made his sisters share a room so he could have his own. He’s nearly 6 now always says he wishes he still slept in my room and he still comes though and gets into bed with me almost every night! Don’t think anyone will judge you for him still sleeping in your room when that’s all you have available. I put wall stickers up over his bed and made it look like a separate ‘area’ when ds shared with me so it was still nice and child friendly for him.

Why the rush for seperate bedrooms if what you are doing is currently working? Don't worry about these "home visits" and certainly don't be embarrassed, it sounds like you are doing amazing!

Yes he'll probably want his own space as he gets older but that's years away. For now I bet he loves being close to his mummy. My youngest is almost 5 and she still sleeps with me (her choice, she does have a bed ready to share a room with her sister) but neither of us are in any rush.

Don't worry about what other people's opinions - do what works for you.

I shared a bedroom with my daughter until she was around 7 years old. It's fine honestly. I was privately renting a 1 bedroom as that's all I could afford. It took me 7 years to get to the top of the council list. No one will judge you as long as its a safe home ❤️

Absolutely this.
Most two year olds I know sleep in with their Mum or parents anyway. I don’t think I know of any parents of small children who didn’t play musical beds for the early years, just sleeping in whatever place that ensured everyone got a decent amount of sleep.

It is up to you best you do but honestly don’t worry about it! For starters, they don’t look around your whole house. They just come to talk to you there that’s all so will likely just stay in the lounge. Secondly the council have housed you there so they clearly think it is fine, so the school aren’t going to say anything. Keep bidding and hope you get a 2 bed soon because technically you should be moved to a good band if you’re having to share a room!

Just share the bedroom it's fine until at least 7 and nursery or even school visits are optional just say no thank you.

Nursery/preschool/primary school visits don’t check sleeping arrangements. I’ve had 2 and they have just sat and spoke to me in my living room. I wouldn’t feel embarrassed your doing the best you can no point in fixing something that isn’t broken

Nothing wrong with parent sleeping in the living room, it makes sense, but as above, yours it too young. The toys won't stay in the bedroom, neither will the child, and you might as well sleep in the same bedroom for now.

If you're on the housing list this is temporary.

Why not just sleep with your child?

The housing needs to sort you a 2 bedroom. You're in the process of getting one and are doing nothing wrong.

Just wanted to say you sound like a really kind and thoughtful Mum 😀

Our nursery did a home visit. They sat on the sofa whilst DS played with his train set and we did some paperwork. They never went upstairs or even asked about sleeping arrangements, why would they? It’s to introduce themselves whilst DC is in a comfortable environment.

Toys in bedrooms before 3-4 is a bit pointless, unless it’s just a few to keep them quiet if they wake early. They’re too young to play on their own for any length of time so it’s inevitable they end up in the main living space.

I know plenty of people who have their toddlers in with them, even if they have the bedroom space. It’s quite common that they don’t want to sleep alone. No one will bat an eyelid.

Keep things as they are and reassess if you’re still in the bed in a year’s time.

I have a five bedroom house op (not bragging) but my 8 & 6 year old still sleep in with me and my husband most nights 🥴. I really wouldn't worry too much about room sharing at this age, he's still so little, and chances are, hell only wake up and come to find you in the night too. Probably not very safe if he's then attempting a flight of stairs in the dark, and potentially means multiple wake ups, trips up and downstairs for you. If you're both sleeping well, there's really no rush, and may potentially make your life harder.