Sleeping in the living room so toddler can have the bedroom

[Ezris]

Hi,
I’m a single parent to a just turned 2 year old boy. I was living with my Mum when I fell pregnant and was helped by my council with the deposit to rent a one bedroom house. They placed me on the housing register so I bid every week for a 2 bedroom. In my area to privately rent a 2 bedroom is around £1,400 - £1,600 which I can’t afford right now.

Me and baby have always shared the bedroom. We have a small living room with a sofa, tv and his toys and a kitchen with cupboard space for the hoover, shoes, some Xmas decs. I’m super organised so it’s worked out fine but now he’s getting bigger I’m thinking of sleeping downstairs and giving him his own bedroom to himself. I’d sell the sofa and my bed and get a sofa bed. Move his toys upstairs and get a small dining room table for the living room so we can eat meals together. I’m also conscious of my living Situation because I’ll be starting him in Nursey soon and they mentioned doing “home visits” So I feel a little embarrassed if I’m honest.

Am I creating a lot of fuss for no reason? Would any one else bother at this age to do this?

The nursery won't care! It sounds like you've made the absolute best of a slightly rubbish situation for you both 😍 I'd not be volunteering to sleep on a sofa bed if I'm honest.... We have some IKEA kallax units omg what a stuff you can fit in them. They are in the sitting room with the tv above and boys bedroom so if you don't already have something along that lines that would make storage easier.

I would 100% keep sharing a room. My DD is 2.5 and has only just gone in her own room a couple of months ago but still spends half the night in our room. From talking to other parents I gather this isn't uncommon.

When he gets too big for his cot you could either just share the bed with him or get him a little toddler bed.

Now I've had a child I don't actually get the fuss with separate rooms, especially for the first few years.

My ds slept in a toddler bed in our room for a long time one of the reasons is because dd has asd and I knew she wouldn’t like to share a room . Then when he was a bit older we put him in her room for about a year and then after that we decided to give up our bedroom and give to dd. We slept on a sofa bed in the front room for about 6 months and then we was moved . He’s still quite young and at this age they normally want to sleep with someone, he still quite young . Maybe when he starts school do it but not right now . Nursery visits are just to see ds and get to know him no one is going to look at your living situation so don’t worry

Nor would I!
Sharing a bedroom is absolutely fine for a year or so at least.

I’d just have a double bed and co-sleep. My son is nearly five now and still loves to come in to our bed if he wakes in the night and snuggle up with us. In many cultures families bed share with their children for years.

I’ve just done exactly this following a big break up and for us it’s going really well. My DD is almost 3. She still climbs into bed with me most nights at some point but the benefit I see is through the day. I can see how much she values having her own space. She tells me sometimes to get out because she’s playing by herself which is a huge knife in my heart in that moment BUT it’s very lovely to see her start to understand herself as an independent person (given that I couldn’t go for a pee without her having a full on melts down till she was over 2 this is extra exciting). My living room isn’t so tiny so maybe that’s where our situations are different but I really don’t mind sleeping in there and I’m definitely not embarrassed. Needs must! I still keep my clothes in her bedroom. Would like to figure out a different solution for that in the long term.

Just to reassure you. I have done many home visits as part of nursery school settling in process and so long as we can see a child is loved, safe and happy we would not be concerned ❤️

Leave things as they are. Toys tend to stay in living room even if a child has their own room. A sofa bed will not be comfortable long term, and you will want the double bed when you move. As for the home visit- be honest. You are being proactive, working within a difficult system. If anything, the professional could help your case by getting in touch with housing.

I was in a similar situation. My 8 and 11 year old son and daughter were sharing a room. I moved my bedroom downstairs, although I was fortunate enough to have a dining room and lounge. So the dining room became my bedroom. I personally wouldn't bother at 2. But wait until he's old. Although both of my kids have their own room, one of them still ends up in my bed most nights.

I’m sorry I have no similar experience to give any practical advice but I just wanted to come on and say please don’t be or feel embarrassed.

You have put a safe and loving room over your child’s head and that is the only thing that any home visit should concern themselves with - not how many bedrooms you do it in!

Don’t be too hard on yourself!

I can assure you that nursery home visits are 15 mins and they have seen it all. They will only sit and chat wherever you show them to . The idea is to meet your child in an environment comfortable to them . Don't plan your life round it.
Saying that I'd stay in same room, the faffing with the sofa bed every day

Roof not room sorry!

I wouldn’t rush to do it, you can probably manage another couple of years. Certainly no reason to be embarrassed with high rent costs. My daughter slept in my bed until she was 10, even with her own room she didn’t want it! I’d wait until he is 4/5 before doing that

Don't refuse a nursery home visit, that would be a red flag and raise suspicion. They will not inspect bedrooms and are just looking for evidence of stimulation so for example a house with no toys raises a concern.

He's only 2! I believe children don't need their own room until they're much older than that. Many 2 year olds don't want to sleep alone anyway.

I agree. I am a single parent to a 17 year old and although he has his own box room, he battles with me relentlessly for power. I am very glad I never gave him my bigger room.

This is his personality and wouldn't be relevant to every single mother/son of single parent but I would advise you not to. You are the support, the source of love, and security. Don't hand over your position, even notionally or ideologically to a small boy.

Once upon a time I would have read my own post and thought whaaaat give over.

Plenty of children with siblings and small houses share bedrooms. I didn't have my own bedroom until I left home for university. If your child is safe and well loved those are the only things that matter.

Despite having two bedrooms my DS would regularly ask or just come in and sleep with me. I think you've got time before your DS needs his own room.

I promise you that health visitors and later if your DS has a nursery visit will not be focused on whether he has his own bedroom or not. I was never even asked!

I'm currently on a council waiting list with a three year old and a one year old in a one bed my neighbours have 4 children in a one bed I'm sorry but there's only so many houses with so many desperately needing more space just stay in bedroom with your child your time will come! Its long and depressing but your one of thousands of familys in the same situation x

I would try and get a bed like this in 12 months or so when he is a little bigger .https://www.bedkingdom.co.uk/flair-furnishings-slick-staircase-triple-bunk-bed-white.html?fo_c=3456&fo_k=40649d17b70231926fec80fc54f27b29&fo_s=gplauk&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=16738490762&cq_term=&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&gclid=Cj0KCQjwnrmlBhDHARIsADJ5b_lJm3e09Dy2hBlGDB-34j2Noq6sGj0CrkMI3VFSrpmqpLaFe26g8dIaAl8kEALw_wcB It is a single on top (enclosed like a bot bed) and a double at the bottom and proper steps up and down so not as likely to fall like ladders. Gives you a bit more space in your room but no need for him to have his own until he starts school. And even then it would only be so he could have friends round.

We shared a bedroom with our toddler until I was 8 months pregnant with second and we moved to a much cheaper area - there was no way we could afford anything bigger in the area we lived in. The second then shared our room till he was 6 because he wanted to! It's fine.

Sharing with the two year old will still be fine, especially if you need to tend to him at night.
He will fit comfortably in the cot until he is at least three.
Your plan sounds very good for later on.

As others have said I wouldn’t move all his toys upstairs, you will want to be in the same place as him when cooking dinner etc so you can keep an eye on him. You could get a very small table to eat at, a drop-leaf table takes up very little room and can be pushed to the side of the room when not being used. It’s lovely that you want to give up your room for him but if you changed all the sleeping arrangements and moved downstairs you might find he finds this hard as he misses you and wants to be in the same room and you have to swap it all back again!

Stay in the same room, why be uncomfortable and wreck your living arrangements.

You’d have to tidy the living room each day, to remove your bed what a chore.

Our toddler shared our room until he was three, and that was in a massive cot, it was no problem, for him or us.

I don’t😂

One bedroom flat that has my double bed, my 2 year olds cot and my 14 month olds cot. Absolutely no need to give up my room so the two of them can have it. A 2 year old is still little!