Skinny shaming

[Bobski123]

I was doing some moving and handling training for part of my job. The trainer required a volunteer, I offered and she said "Oh no not you, you're far too skinny."
She then chose a larger lady.
I get it's supposed to be some sort of compliment because being thin is 'desirable'.
However if she'd said "Not you, you're far too fat." She'd possibly be out of a job by now.
However it's ok to say the opposite.
I should've responded really.
It's like that meme going around with a picture of Sophia Loren and the caption "I'd rather eat pizza and drink wine than be a size 0."
A few of my colleagues posted it and I just think, yawn. They aren't mutually exclusive, ok, size 0 is very small but the point is you can enjoy pizza, wine whatever and still remain slim. I'm just over it.

Well that’s a stealth brag. People keep saying I’m so skinny and good looking 😂

When I was a child my mum died...I went from being a slim child to a very fat one as I comfort ate big time. Anyway, no one showed any kindness or sympathy to me because of that...even the adults around me. I just got nasty remark after nasty remark about my weight. Now, if I'd stopped eating and became very thin in response to the trauma of losing my mum, everyone would have been tripping over themselves to be kind to me and help.

That's the difference to me between being fat and thin and how society treats people.

That’s horrible and I’m so sorry you went through that. 😔

Thank you @NomDe I'm fine now...just an observation I've made. I often watch that programme 600lb life. It's very interesting as majority of them have usually endured some sort of trauma in their life yet they are often ridiculed and abused further by society. However, people with anorexia will be treated with much more kindness and sympathy.

In your opinion, you find it harder for someone to comment on your weight when you are larger.

Other people might not. This depends solely on your own insecurities, doesn’t it?
I have found it deeply hurtful in the past when people have commented on my weight and I’ve always been on the small side. I could not put weight on when I was younger - I tried and tried. Went to the docs, got checked out for it and there was nothing wrong with me, luckily.
Thankfully I have filled out a bit since then.

But comments on people being thin are not usually said with the same amount of venom and spite.

I’m really sorry you went through that and I’m really sorry people felt the need to make nasty comments.

However, I and a number of other posters have absolutely had nasty comments made for being too skinny during periods of stress. I lose my appetite when I’m stressed and putting food in my mouth almost makes me gag. It’s horrible. You’re just trying to survive and get through the day and someone has to point out to you that look awful. In either situation, it’s not on to comment on someone’s weight - especially if people don’t know the reasons behind it. That’s why I said that health should be prioritised over weight, and I include mental health in that.
Also, a very dear friend of mine suffers from an eating disorder and I can assure you, she doesn’t get the support she needs from most people and does get some pretty nasty comments too.

My main point being, skinny or fat, it’s not ok to pass negative comments!

They have been in my experience!
I once walked across a cafeteria at work to get myself some chocolate from the vending machine.
There was a group of women sat at a table and one of them shouted at me (in a very full room) “you going to throw that up after you’ve eaten it?” Then followed by “doesn’t she look awful, I weighed more than her what I was born” whilst the rest of the table cackled like I was fair game.
I felt humiliated.

Totally disagree.

But the wider societal context is key. We are fed an endless loop of messaging from childhood that thin is best. It is seen as desirable and aspirational. Everywhere you look, articles on how to lose weight, adverts showing you weight loss products. Its incessant. Yes, some people may say unpleasant remarks and it's not nice but you are aware that it actually comes from a place of admiration/jealousy. When you are verbally abused for being fat, you know, because society has fed you the message, that it's because you are unattractive, lazy, grotesque.

Both are unpleasant but it is different.

'Well that’s a stealth brag. People keep saying I’m so skinny and good looking 😂'
@VoiceOfCommonSense

What's wrong with that?
Being slimmer is deemed to be more attractive.

Would you accuse a fat person saying the same as a stealth brag? Or would it be 'wow she's had amazing self confidence!'

I think I know the answer.

Just a joke love. No need to read in to it too much..

Wow, that’s horrible 😕

Such an awful experience. But cruel people are never kind or if they are, it’s not sincere. They weren’t neglectful because of your weight; that’s who they are as people.

No but when you look at extreme ends of the spectrum, very thin people, by the very nature of being physically small, display a vulnerability that extremely large people don't.... however both can be equally as mentally vulnerable if that makes sense.

I don’t disagree with most of what you’re saying. Yes, societal context does make a difference.

But I was young at that time, about 19/20? I was extremely socially anxious and had no confidence myself. I didn’t walk away from that experience thinking “fuck her, she is just jealous” I walked away from it (and many other comments) determined to cover myself up as much as possible, try not to be in crowds of people and eat incredibly unhealthy food to try and put on a few pounds. I wasn’t even ‘underweight’ medically.

The point I keep trying to make is, neither is worse than the other. They’re both shit.

But then that is down to the individual, I was around 19 when I told by my Dad's Business partner who skinny I looked. I didn't actually get upset, I was pleased. I got told by a family member that when I complained about being cold it was because I had no fat on me. Again, in my mind better than actually having that fat on me. It did put a few doubts in my head but it wasn't as bad as being called fat which had happened 3 years prior at a family wedding by an old person to my Gran, in front of me. No one liked this woman but she was right I was overweight, not fat but overweight. So you see I felt I had won the control when I had the opposite comments in late teens.

Like I said on a PP only 6% of the population is naturally skinny i.e no lifestyle choices has any affect on their weight. This figure includes men so I have to say it is hard to understand if you are skinny due to marathon running for example then why not eat some donuts or healthy calories and replace and add to the calories you are losing with exercise. You don't have to remain skinny in those circumstances you choose to do it. An external factor like someone dying is still just that, I know as that made me lose weight in mid 20s. But as soon I stopped mourning I put the weight back on. No one should be skinny shamed absolutely not but separately if you are not happy being skinny then you can change that if you are not part of the naturally skinny 6% genes.

And other external factors causing the weight loss to skinny are often temporary like illness or mourning a loved one. I was ill during my second pregnancy and was quite thin as a result.

Well yeah but some people are?

And what if you are perfectly happy as you are and yet –gasp – still don’t want rude comments from other people about your shape or appearance?

Well obviously if you are in possession of those rare genes then I obviously was not directing my post to that 6%. Equally, I stated if someone is unhappy about it, why stay unhappy why not just do the thing to not make you skinny - eat calories to compensate for your exercise. A poster stated on here that they are not happy about it but they are a marathon runner so the implication is you can do something about it then. Why be skinny if unhappy about it? If it is a choice like it is for 94% of the population who don't possess the skinny genes.

So to add this is 94% of the population that can easily put on weight as it is so much easier a goal than being skinny. If you don't have skinny genes highly likely as only 6% of population, are unhappy about being skinny, then eat some food you'll soon put weight on and feel happier about it. That's obviously only if unhappy. It goes without saying that you don't comment on anyone's appearance.

Actually, I've got that wrong apparently it is only 1% so small a population of people.

What was the task that you volunteered for? Surely for effective M&H technique able bodies people of all strengths and sizes should be able to achieve it?

it’s a trainer and teacher issue more than a skinny shaming issue in my opinion.

This is the same as saying to someone who is being fat shamed

“Well, yeah it’s shit that you got called a fat cunt and people yelled insults at you from across the canteen, but if you’re not happy with it could always eat less and lose weight. Why would you stay that way if it makes you unhappy?”

I don’t know where you’re getting the 6% from but I absolutely was in that group when I was younger.

Likewise, if someone was to shout nasty comments to someone who was say, grieving, and were skinny because of it, would you say the same thing to them?

Yabu to make a skinny shaming thread that conpares fat people- the fat people get enough shit in this world.

Yanbu in that no-one should be talking about other people's size and making comments on that - but have your thread without making it slim vs fat. This is rude person vs slim