Skinny shaming

[Bobski123]

I was doing some moving and handling training for part of my job. The trainer required a volunteer, I offered and she said "Oh no not you, you're far too skinny."
She then chose a larger lady.
I get it's supposed to be some sort of compliment because being thin is 'desirable'.
However if she'd said "Not you, you're far too fat." She'd possibly be out of a job by now.
However it's ok to say the opposite.
I should've responded really.
It's like that meme going around with a picture of Sophia Loren and the caption "I'd rather eat pizza and drink wine than be a size 0."
A few of my colleagues posted it and I just think, yawn. They aren't mutually exclusive, ok, size 0 is very small but the point is you can enjoy pizza, wine whatever and still remain slim. I'm just over it.

Absolutely.

Actually is 1 percent it was a study of the genetic profiles of 44,000 between between the ages of 20-44 and only 1 percent had no ALK gene. They had metabolic rate that meant that could whatever and however much they liked, absolutely zero exercise and didn't put on any weight.

I'm unsure why you are reading my comments in that way that way that upsets you as I literally said in PP it is never acceptable or polite if you have been brought up properly rather than dragged up to make any remarks about appearance. So no, I wouldn't say this to someone grieving but grieving is an environmental factor that will alter it is not an absence of this gene. I am curious as to why you would be unhappy about being skinny but no that it is absolutely in your control much more easily than an overweight person as for 99% of us it is easy to put on weight as opposed to loosing it!

A teacher went off on me in high school in front of the class; “you’re too pale, you’re too skinny, you don’t look healthy. You look anemic.” All because I said during a discussion that I liked having an extra blanket on my bed.

It was humiliating.

My uncle put it in a context that helped: is she malicious or ignorant? Most people that act this way are just stupid.

By the way I'm not doubting you are in the 1% so no need to be defensive. My son is like this and his friends comment on the amount he can eat and not out weight on with no exercise, often lots of rubbish if he is out so 3 x big burgers at burger king or something like that with cheese bites on the side then be hungry 2 hours later. It is exhausting and expensive trying to keep him full but he is a 16 year old boy and I'm sure many are like him, DH was like that not now in early 40s.

I'm not going to say it's not hurtful or inappropriate...but I can't see how in a society that says thin is good, fat is bad, that the insult can be felt exactly the same.

Like I said I had that reaction from a family member about being cold and needing a thicker jumper but I didn't care I was probably quite pleased.

I don’t think it’s fair to diminish someone else’s experience though is it? I’m absolutely not trying to diminish yours, I hate that people have seen fit to mock you because of your weight. Can’t you se why I might have been just as upset when people mocked mine?

My apologies, didn’t mean to come off as defensive

Yes exactly and this has to be to do with a)the beauty associated with being thin and b) the hard work needed to get to that point if you are part of the 99% of the population who can put weight on easily.

Ok. I must admit that I’ve never looked at the data. Nor have I compared it with data on factors for obesity. I mean, if it’s just a numbers game then I would agree that at a population level, it must be easier to put weight on than lose it because we are a heavy population.

I also agree with your PP about it being impolite and unkind to comment on someone’s weight in a disparaging manner

I can see that it's upsetting for sure. Its rude to comment on people's weight. I also can't know how you feel and vice versa...but you must know that our society sees thin as better than fat, therefore when you are insulted, yes it's a personal insult but it's not loaded with all the crap we've been fed by society about how grotesque it is to be fat.

Should explain that better, it is admirable somehow as you are seen as someone with amazing willpower and determined, all characteristics people admire.

Because if someone calls you a fat cow...they're not just saying you're fat. They're insinuating that your greedy and lazy too.

I sincerely hope that's a joke Try being 40kg and tube fed and tell me how funny those comments are.

Yes, I can see your point. And as you say, neither of us can know how the other one would feel!

I don’t know if this is relevant but, at the time, JLo was all the rage and everyone wanted her curves. The boys were all only interested in “women with tits” and people like me would get referred to as “ironing board” or I would get told I looked like a boy. So I still felt the societal pressure. I believed I was ugly 🤷‍♀️

I guess the real enemy here is the commodification of women’s bodies!!

Yes it's totally shit...and I'd have boys tell me I had big tits....they always have something to say don't they?!

Well.. in most cases being fat is caused by being greedy with food and not moving about enough. The cow but is irrelevant though.

Also, if someone's a skinny bitch, they live of lettuce leaves apparently. (As is bitch irrelevant.)

Works both ways.

Ok, so you say greedy. What about people who comfort eat after a traumatic event or turn to food when their mental health is on the floor? Some people struggle to eat in these situations, others eat too much. But anyway, being greedy with food is not actually a moral failing. Many people see being thin as a moral win. Its very odd. Its just food...some people eat more of it than others. As for not moving much or exercising...again, it's not immoral to not like exercise. I'd rather read a book than go for a run. Its just what I prefer.

I guess the real enemy here is the commodification of women’s bodies!!

Bingo

I’m not sure what your feelings have to do with mine?

Its like men constantly telling women that they couldn’t possibly be cold because they aren’t cold themselves.

I think your reaction wasn’t the healthy one, actually.

Has anyone seen that episode of motherland where Liz wants to get into Amanda's good books so goes up to her at the café and says, have you lost weight? Have you been ill? You look dangerously thin! And Amanda is like, ah, thanks and is absolutely thrilled.

And??

Because Amanda takes being told she looks dangerously thin as a compliment. Why? Because being thin is viewed as a really positive achievement generally

It definitely wasn't a healthy one but as like many of my friends at 16- about late 20s, when you share houses with others an uni or just hang around with your friends a lot at 16, none of us was 'naturally thin' we weren't that 1%, everyone I knew had some kind of disordered eating so would have not been offended by that comment. We were 16 mid 90s though and definitely good to be skinny like Kate Moss and alternative/indie girls wanted to look skinny.

But no, it doesn't because unless you are the 1% of the population you will be purposely adapting your diet i.e plenty of low calorific food or exercising to maintain the metabolism of a skinny person. Conversely, if you don't make some of those adjustments and are in the 99% of the population who doesn't have the skinny Gene, the weight will pile on at a very quick rate just from eating food. All it takes to be overweight is just eating food without any mindfulness as to exercise and type of food. What it takes to be skinny not slim, skinny, is extraordinary efforts over exercise and food intake, if you are like most of the 99% of the population. The ease with which 99% put on weight is not equal to that same population forcing themselves to be skinny(unless you are in the 1%) It is not comparable and it is disingenuous to say the efforts are equal they are not.